Sipe returns home after a long day in the expanse of frozen land known as Finland. He is shivering from the snow that has become seemingly embedded into his skin. The frigid cold wind has blown so hard that it has brought tears to his eyes and frozen them instantaneously.
Sipe sits down in his igloo with his wolf skin parka wrapped around him to shield him from the thick, frosty, air. He has a cup of what would be known as Hot Cocoa, but in the time it took between making it and sitting down, it has become more like a cup of refrigerated fudge than anything that may be worth drinking.
"
Maybe I can chew it", he says aloud, his words causing a cloud of water crystals to freeze as the phrase is uttered from his mouth. "
Yes, I'll eat my cup of cocoa and play some Trials Evolution".
Sipe then works his cold muscles so that he is able to move his arm the 3 feet to his Xbox 360's controller, his tendons and muscles straining and popping against the early stages of hypothermia that he fights on a constant basis.
"
A quick game to work some feeling back into my fingers", he says. This time the vapor freezes before he is finished speaking, the words fall as ice cubes into his lap. "
Great", he thinks, "
I can repair the chip in the door with this ice".
He turns on his Xbox and waits while the frozen lines thaw out from the electrical data moving between his router and his ISP. He connects to Xbox Live and slowly, so as not to break the ice encrusted thumb-sticks on his controller, navigates to "Recently Played" and starts
Trials Evolution. His eyes dance in delight and a smile spreads across his mouth as he hears the opening song "There's something you should know...".
He sings along, as best he can, in the constant state of winter that is Finland. He looks crestfallen as the song ends and the start menu appears. "I really like that song" he says to himself. It is worth noting that Sipe speaks to himself (in this narrative) constantly. He says it is a sure sign of intellect, in fact, it's just weird. Sipe presses start. "I wonder where I am in the leaderboards", he, again, says to himself. He navigates to the Global Rankings and presses the "A" button.
He is beyond upset. He is heartbroken. He is in a world of shadows and blackness. What has caused his misery? What has made him the bleak shell of a man he has become?
ShiftySamurai has defeated his score on "Out of the Pit".
This affront to his skills can not be allowed to stand! How can this pawn, this Community Developer, best him in ANY track?! He is the Sipelius! The Master! When he rides all others must bow before him.
In a fit of rage, and insanity, Sipe throws his Xbox controller at his TV. The action shatters the TV and passes through to hit the ice wall behind it, causing a chain reaction that leaves Sipe sitting in a pile of giant ice cubes and anger, beseeching the Gods to remove this plight from his life, and cursing my name like
Kirk curses Kahn.
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