1. #1
    T4KShadow's Avatar Senior Member
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    Lets talk about things, anything.

    So lets make these last few days go by alittle faster by giving each other things to read.

    Let me start! I saw ANBA on saturday in Wolverhampton, West Midlands, UK. He was a homeless guy who looked so much like him whilst he was waliing down the middle of a dual carriageway. Unfortuanetly I was in a fast moving car so I didnt get the chance to snap a shot.


    So ANBA I know you're the master of secrets but prettending you Finnish and work for Redlynx, when really you live here in the UK is a pretty big secret. Opps I told everyone.
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  2. #2

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    I'm going to use this topic to vent about stupid **** going on in my life.

    I'm 16, I'm in an alternative rock band and i play guitar. The drummer of my band has a cousin, her name will not be said, but she lives with him. She lives with them because her family was not exactly the best. She was sexually abused as a child, and blamed for her mothers attempted suicide by her brothers, along with being called "the biggest accident". She grew up in the air force and moved around a lot. She never really had a home, until 2 years ago. She doesn't wear all of this on her sleeve, if you're wondering, I'm one of the few people that she has told.

    I had never really cared about relationships or anything, until i met this girl. She is absolutely amazing. I'll get to the part about her and I in a second, but first let me give you a little bit more background.

    My band is a diverse 5 piece, we have a football playing 6' 7" bad *** for a singer(wtf right?), a band nerd playing the drums(he's cool), an OCD bassist, and an overly nice rhythm guitarist. I don't really know how to categorize myself, so I'm just going to call myself a trials addict. But anyways, this girl, who I'm going to go ahead and refer to as K from now on. Her name doesn't start with a K, not that it matters, but still, it does not start with a K. K had a huge... I don't want to say crush because it makes it sound elementary, but I'm going to, A CRUSH on the overly nice rhythm guitarist. She had one for probably years, the band had been going for a while before i joined, but that's again, not the point of this long rambling post.

    ANYWAYS NOW I'M GOING TO GET TO THE PART ABOUT US.

    She started to take interest in me at the end of January. We were having a super bowl party, and it might have been because i was playing corny love songs on the acoustic in their basement, but i was sitting down and she just started cuddling with me. It was not expected at all, considering we had never really talked at all, and she was into the overly nice rhythm guitarist, or at least i thought she was. Again, I had never really given a **** about girls or relationships. I talked to girls on a daily basis, but i didn't really care if i got any sort of love or affection, or into their pants. But then she started texting me. A lot.

    I am seriously pretty sure that in the month of February, there were over 30000 texts sent between her and I. We never stopped. There wasn't any breaks. Obviously i caught onto her clear interest in me, and made a move on the Thursday after Valentine's day. It worked, like i figured it would, but she said that she didn't want a relationship at that moment. this is where i don't understand women, but i reassured her, that I could wait until she was ready. At this time, her parents were going through a divorce and she was a complete mess. We saw each other regularly for about 3 weeks. But a few days before my 16th birthday(February 27th, if you care) she told me she loved me. I really had no idea how to react to this. And I reacted, with the habit of saying "I love you too" before a phone call ends(we were on the phone), and then i hung up, i didn't even realize what I had just said until about 5 minutes later when it hit me like a wall. I don't think i loved her then. But then after my birthday passed, she really lost interest in me, and her interest shifted back toward the overly nice rhythm guitarist. If anyone can tell me how the hell someone is able to do that, I will gladly buy Evo for you. She stopped sending me "Good morning" texts, and it became a struggle to maintain a conversation with her.

    Later on, I found out that she was avoiding me because her feelings had changed. I hadn't noticed at the time, but I look back on it now and realize how stupid I am. When she told me she had been avoiding me, she also told me that she just wanted to be "really good friends", i reluctantly told her this was fine. I cried myself to sleep that night, call me emotional, but i did. I was destroyed. I don't know if i was over reacting, or maybe just being a virgin to heartbreak, but this killed me. I couldn't take it. I realized in that night, that I did... do i dare use the L word?

    Call me a sophomore idiot, but I really think I had some sort of emotions for K that were unexplainable in any way shape or form. That all happened on the weekend of March 24th, and that March was awful. A kid from my school died in a car accident, and K was extremely emotional about that. She cried in my arms for an hour. I didn't know the guy, so I didn't get emotional about it. March 20th also marked a year since my grandpa's death. My grandpa is my inspiration, he is the reason I play music, always have a smile on my face, and try to make others happy if I can. I aspire to be the man that he was.

    ANYWAYS BACK TO K,
    Since we became, "really good friends" every single conversation has ended awfully. Somehow, or some way i piss her off, and every conversation ends with her saying "I don't want to talk to you." I haven't talked to her in a week. I still have feelings for her, and I can't keep her off my mind. Moving on seems impossible to me. It seems like she has completely forgotten about me, about the times we spent together, the affection she displayed to me, and the "I love you" phone call, like they never even happened. It bothers me so much that she can move on so quickly(she has been flirting with the overly nice rhythm guitarist for a month and a half, the dude's a trooper and won't fall for anything she says).

    I apologize for my high school drama, i just needed to vent.
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  3. #3

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    If I had a dollar for every time I've heard guys saying they don't "understand women" and then told a story like the one you just did I'd at least have more than a dollar. I'm not trying to offend you, I would be confused too! But I don't think I've come across women who are like that, all my girlfriends or whatnots have been reasonable people.

    She's obviously not quite right in the head though. Sorry but it's true (pun intended), which makes sense considering the stuff she's been through. Could be that she wants to be affirmed. Noone told her that they loved her as a kid (which is when your sense of self-worth is supposed to be established), which is why she is preying on people to make sure that she deserves to be loved. When this has been confirmed she loses interest and moves on to once again get told that she's amazing, loveable, a wonderful person etc. Also, I assume she's somewhere around the age of 16. Teenage girl, go figure. They're like that, or so I've heard.

    Disclaimer: I know nothing about psychology except for what I've learned from life (and two basic courses in secondary school), and I don't know if I even believe in this sort of Freudian way of analyzing people. It's just what comes to mind for me, I hope my ramblings are of some value for someone.
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  4. #4

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    The pun made me point at my computer and say "Ha!".

    But aside from that she is very messed up in the head. She goes to therapy twice a week. And I am not offended at all. She is 17, so i guess that does contribute to things. I think her being abused the way she was really contributed to her being so messed up. Things are starting to clear out of my mind though, mostly thanks to music. I hope that will be the last time i share that story with anyone.
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  5. #5

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    Hi, I'm bD Idol and I approve of this thread.

    Cool story, bro. Honestly, read it. Dont know much to say to you back, other than change yourself.

    IF you want her still, the way to play won't be shorthand. It won't happen in a day, week, or month. What I would do, IF, that is, IF you really want her still, is to drop contact. Treat her like she treats you and stop talking to her for a very very long time.

    And in that time, do something that changes you. Idk, workout, get a haircut, something different. And afterwards, come back in as a changed dude and try again, and with a different approach. Dont act as her friend anymore. Avoid that in every way. Come back and carry yourself as though you want a relationship, not a friendship. Play the game, whatever it is you have to do.

    Obviously I am in no position to be giving advice on this sort of thing, but if I were put into your shoes, I would definitely do that.
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  6. #6

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    Idol, i want to do that, but there is an issue. I have to see her 1 - 3 times a week for band practice, not to mention at school. I'm going to try to not talk to her(grammar check) but i don't know how well that will work.

    t4k, i apologize for... jacking your thread hahaha.
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  7. #7
    Happyflow's Avatar Senior Member
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    AW: Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    Originally Posted by antng

    She's obviously not quite right in the head though. Sorry but it's true (pun intended), which makes sense considering the stuff she's been through. Could be that she wants to be affirmed. Noone told her that they loved her as a kid (which is when your sense of self-worth is supposed to be established), which is why she is preying on people to make sure that she deserves to be loved. When this has been confirmed she loses interest and moves on to once again get told that she's amazing, loveable, a wonderful person etc. Also, I assume she's somewhere around the age of 16. Teenage girl, go figure. They're like that, or so I've heard.
    Yes she is shy and searches for affection and as a teenager she is not the most emotionally mature person.

    I generally do not like analysing people I don't know in person but I'll give it a go.

    So why did this end all of a sudden?

    So let's start of with you saying her that you love her. You said that you did not know what you were saying. She had planned out saying this to you for a long time (no prejudice from experience women really plan everything), women are also very insecure about themselves meaning that it took her a lot of confidence to say this first.

    She wanted you to think about it shortly, you should not under any circumstances react surprised.

    Why?

    It shows that you did not consider her as a partner. Now you might be feeding on her love, maybe only abusing it. Also women believe in love at first sight (especially if they are young ) ---> she does not consider you as her fairytale prince (very important)

    Then you should have answered in a very stable and serious tone. Afterwards you need to directly go to her in person, enjoy her love and show her how much you love her. Just saying it is not enough.

    So she expected something big coming from you that showed her that know 30000 text messages seem to prove that but that was before she said it to you).
    But nothing happened and she was probably very sad.... She decided that this relationship would not lead to anything and therefore ignored you. Maybe she even wanted to make you a little bit jealous with that guitarist ..

    Anyhow she has considered starting something with him before so it probably is more between them. From what I gather this new relationship will not work out since I guess the guitarist is not the most reliable and stable either. She has been abused so she is really very very insecure. What she really wants is not affection, it is security and reliability.

    So why does she hate and avoid you?

    It is simple and yet so complicated. By what I ve told you above you have hurten her feelings. Although you actually did nothing!
    Now she does not want to talk to you because it still hurts her. She does not want to show it so she tries to act like being your friend but doesn't really want to talk to you. If you talk too long she gets mad on you.

    Consider one thing hatred is still better than being ignored. It means she takes you seriously since you are able to hurt her.

    Can you have her back?

    Basically yes, since the relationship with the guitarist has not developed. It will take a lot though. Women react very emotionally to dancing so a dance course together with her would definitely work out. For dancing she needs to trust you and rely on you.

    Other possibility would be to write a song for her. Also a walk together with a very emotional speak can do wonders. It will still take time for it to develop at least a month or two. Holding contact but not totally molesting her is important during that period of time.

    Personally I would search for something new but it is up to you to decide whether she is worth it or not.
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  8. #8

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    Happyflow, i really appreciate your long response.

    And writing A SONG for her? try 3. This situation definitely kicked the writers block that i had for about 2 months to the curb. And i may have been misleading with the I love you phone call. I didn't think about it when i said it. I just said it as I would if i were getting off the phone with a family member. There was no hesitation. I couldn't have driven over there to be with her cause it was about 12:45 on a school night, but i probably wouldn't have given the thought of going over there even if it were normal time.

    But about the other guitarist, he is very stable, probably the best mind state out of all of us. He just isn't interested in her at all. There is no chance that they will become anything more than friends.

    As far as moving on, that's something that I have absolutely no idea how to do, or what to do. I would love to have her back, that's not a question. But i don't know if i would be better off without her or not. But, I'm 16, I've got plenty of life to live even if things don't go the way I hope they do.
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  9. #9

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    Wow just saw this thread and had to chime in. I'm the guitarist/singer in a 3 piece indie band. Anyway, one night I knew this girl I really liked was coming to one of our gigs and I had written the worst love song imaginable about her months before. So we're there and we have a 30 minute set to play and I'm buzzed thinking that if we play this song she's gonna fall head over heels for me. So I tell the band that we're playing this song and they're not too keen because they obviously realise how crap the song is. So I jump up on stage in front of about 100 people and I dedicate the song to her. Half way through I think its probably going well and I look over and she's eating the face off some jock. My stomach sinks, I'm absolutely bitterly heartbroken so I turn around to the soundman and demand one more song. We play creep by radiohead right in front of her and I give one of the best performances of my life. She obviously pays no attention but another girl does and we've been together for 2 years now. Restored my faith in life
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  10. #10

    Re: Lets talk about things, anything.

    great thread! I'm not to good with the girls but rejection is something you have to deal with as life goes on......I guess i'm kind of used to it, mostly because I say too much, I think too fast, and then girls think I'm a ****. I like to tell it how it is. Tips? Maybe paraphrasing?

    I have to put this in here

    See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and *******s. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to f uck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your *******s, Chuck. And all the *******s want us to **** all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get f ucked by dicks. But dicks also f uck *******s, Chuck. And if they didn't f uck the *******s, you know what you'd get? You'd get your **** and your ***** all covered in ****!
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