Lil Johnny walks into his parents room late one night, To to find mommy and daddy gettin down. The father spots the boy, Telling him to go back to his room. The couple laughs until they're startled by a loud banging sound. The father goes to check and see what's going on, And finds little Johhny bangin the hell out of grandma, The boy turns around giving a quick triple pump, And says...... It's not so funny when it's your mother is it?
[quote="SKUMBAG"]Lil Johnny walks into his parents room late one night, To to find mommy and daddy gettin down. The father spots the boy, Telling him to go back to his room. The couple laughs until they're startled by a loud banging sound. The father goes to check and see what's going on, And finds little Johhny bangin the hell out of grandma, The boy turns around giving a quick triple pump, And says...... It's not so funny when it's your mother is it?
hahahaha![]()
the police arrested two kids the other day, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
they charged one and let the other one off
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, "I Got Worms "
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You fart out loud and think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
This was an e-mail I received recently..
There is a pirate ship sailing the seas. One of the men runs up to the captain and says "Captain, there is an enemy ship approaching!!"
The captain replies "Bring me my red shirt"
The battle ensues. They win with no casualties. The man goes up to the captain and asks.. "What was with the red shirt?"
The captain replies "Well, if I were to get shot, the red would make it so nobody sees that I am bleeding and they would fight on."
A few weeks later, the man runs up to the captain again and says "Captain! There are 25 enemy ships approaching, should I bring you the red shirt again?"
The captain replies "NO! Bring me my brown pants."
Originally Posted by jook13![]()
good thread. we've now got our won joke thread. change the thread title mjay![]()
Two men are hunting and one of them is showing off his new scope on his gun. He is looking through it and says "Hey dude, I can see your house from here with this thing. And woah! I see your wife, she is cheating on you!"
The other man replies "Damn! Well, shoot her in the head and shoot him in the crotch"
He replies "Ok, I can get that in one shot..."
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.