Member
Senior Member
Banned
Senior Member
OK, I hope you're all ready for this. To recap, last night I was kidnapped from Jambo Towers in the middle of the night, flown to a secret location, bundled and put into a Limo...
"Have I got time for this entire bottle of Gordon's? Or shall I just neck a couple of doubles?" I called down the leather sofa's holding up the green bottle for the driver to see, trying to gauge how long the journey would take. Again, no reply was forthcoming. Schweppes tonic too someone else other than me had good taste too.
I tried to see where we were going by looking out of the window. All I recognised in the gloom was an illuminated Tabac' sign. Tabac. Mmmm. We were in France!
We came off a highway, twisted and turned and eventually slowed. I hoped we had arrived as I had run out of ice for my drinks. I was proved right.
I heard a scraping metallic sound. Gates opening. The crunch of gravel under the limo wheels not unlike Jambo Towers I thought to myself as we came to a stop. Footsteps approached. The door opened and a hand beckoned me to get out and follow it.
I was led up the marble steps, white with black veins running and dividing like rivers to a sea through it.
"Wait" The butler who was attached to the beckoning hand told me as we arrived in a magnificent vaulted hallway. Pictures adorned the walls, but not of aristocrats, Kings and Queens, but of computer game characters. It slowly dawned on me. The characters in the pictures were all from Ubisoft games. Sam Fisher, Rayman, Tom Clancy giving a Thumbs Up' and an IL-2 Sturmovik aircraft.
"Find the chair and sit" The jolly butler instructed, opening two huge ornate floor to ceiling doors that let a wall of light flood out and practically blind me. Eyes tightly shut I edged forward into the room and sat.
"Real Jambo. Known to many simply as RJ'. Thank you for coming" a disembodied voice said calmly.
"Thank you for kidnapping me" I replied.
"My name is Mr. Soft. Ubi Soft"
"Do you know why you are here?" The voice enquired.
"Did I win a competition?" I guessed, grinning hopefully. Silence.
"Has someone complained about my Moderating? look I know I miscounted the screenshot comp vote but I posted an apology and a recount as soon as I realised what I had done and it's all sorted now. It was the first mistake in over 18 months of competitions" I pleaded.
"Much graver than that I'm afraid, RJ" The voice was cold, almost threatening. He emphasised the RJ' which I have to admit reminded me a little of Hannibal Lecter.
"Do I need to take notes?" I asked squinting behind my hands held to my face.
Silence and a wall of white light.
"You have a little problem don't you" the voice said. "It's been troubling you for some time I see"
"Hey, look, that was a long time ago and I didn't know any better. I no longer put bubble bath in toilet cisterns at parties. It was funny at the time, but I've seen the error of my ways now. I now realise that the cost of cleaning up such a mess afterwards far outweighs the fun it provides at the time"
Silence. I mentally kicked my self for admitting it was me all along behind that Bubbly freshness that overflows onto the carpet flush after flush'.
"DEEP BLUE WOLF!" The voice thundered, echoing off the marble floors and high ceilings. I heard birds in the trees outside take to the sky in panic.
"Oh. Well, he's alright really, just, you know bit of a live wire" I protested.
"Annexe him"
"Eh? What build a Granny flat on the side of Jambo Towers and let him live with us? I'll have to ask Mrs. Jambo about that"
"Annexe El Dorado"
"You mean the old LTT' manoeuvre" I said holding up my fingers in that irritating way to underline the acronym I had just used. "Y'know as in Lock The Threa"
"He can stay El Dorado!" The voice boomed. I think I had agitated him and thought perhaps I should stop trying to be over friendly.
"El Dorado is to be annexed. DBW is welcome to stay, provided he wears the uniform provided" the voice said, regaining its icy calmness.
"So he stays as First Citizen? But he stole my cable TV remote, and impersonated TWO Moderators then posted fake surrenders. I don't get it. Why are you letting him keep, and rule El Dorado?" I knew I should have taken some notes I thought to myself.
There was a pause.
"Because, RJ, if there is only himself to rule, what harm can he do to anyone else?"
"Is he allowed to visit?" I asked
The disembodied voice behind the white light muttered exasperatedly under his breath.
"Yes! Unless he breaks Ubi Forum ToE Read your God damn Moderators Manual RJ!"
"You just said Uniform' what uniform?" I pressed but received no explanation.
"What about the Government? Pharmman, lane, Viet Vet and the others?"
"It's up to them what they do. But there will be no responsibilities for them once the contractors move in"
"Contractors?" I asked
I could tell the disembodied voice was getting quite annoyed now as he sighed and I heard the distinctive slap of the palm of a hand hit a fore head in frustration.
"El Dorado was born in the forum. El Dorado was built on Ubisoft land RJ!" the voice said patronisingly.
"Whatever the outcome of the Battle for El Dorado, it didn't matter who won. I've sold the whole place to Dalt Wisney they're gonna turn it into a Theme Park!"
"Really! Will we all get, like, staff rate entry and no queue passes?"
"Annexe El Dorado RJ! The contractors move in tomorrow!" was my cue to leave.
Senior Member
Banned
Member
i don't know what you mean 
