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Senior Member
Sitting in the gunners seat of a M60a2 when you hear that horrible phrase 'Hang-Fire!' coming from the loader and the BUTTERBAR in the TC seat above you (your only exit thru his hatch) sits there and calls up the CO to ask for instructions.
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Senior Member
roughly tranlating from portuguese...
"your war missions in the balkans will consist of offensive actions in the active defense of AWACS ... 
...under no circumstances are you to fire at the enemy without express orders to that effect (right... )if you become "engaged" by enemy forces you are tto lead them to other Air support units... 
I think the last one meant that if ever i was "locked" on by enemy fighter I was to turn on my follow me sign and "taxi" him to other units on the are that could deal with him....
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Senior Member
naw, you lock on the enemy, fire your missles, and when you get back to base, be like "it slipped?" 
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Senior Member
i just "Locked" 2 migs once and "gave" them to some US F15's and they wanted to shoot me at down ...
Problem is that my country airforce is very small...But WE are one of the founding members of NATO so WE HAD to go there...we had 3 F-16A in there and that is not a configuration that fits that theater and especially not MIG 29.
we were huh..ahem..."tactical" support
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Member
Here is another of my favorites.
"you will be inserted (why cant they say dropped, shoved, or otherwise placed in an area no sane trooper would go) via HALO from an aircraft (as opposed to what, a kite? bus? VW beetle?) from an altitude of not less than 18000 feet and not more than 28000 feet, (Well DUH general, what the hell do you think HALO stands for?) and upon landing begin operations (Actually general, we were planning a party with strippers, grilled steaks, and all the beer that we could scrounge) against targets as detailed with an unknown number (gee call em up and ask how many they have there) of hostile (no, really, you dont say. Why not attack a friendly target instead) defense forces."
"We have the upmost confidense in your training and abilities (right, and we have to leave all identification behind) and will be there to support you in a limited capacity (back to the guy in the piper cub) should your mission become overtly entangled with indiginous (as opposed to what? alien?) defensive forces."
And of course, let us discuss military supply and logistics.
A unit going to the artic is issued TROPICAL uniforms and gear. Where as a unit going to the tropics discovers artic gear. A request for desert BDU's would often land you a nice large selection of woodland leaf cammo. A written request for repelling gear would get you mosquito netting, and requests for mosquito netting would get you toilet paper.
And finally, a salute to all those REMF commissioned officers who never got within farting distance of enemy fire that proudly wear the combat service badge.
You know, Heinlein was on the right track in the book starship troopers, "Everyone dropped, everyone fought" in the mobile infantry, and also, to hold public office and vote, you had to be a vet. At least that proves you gave a damn.
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Member
The SST. (a VN vet) tells his plt. to hug the ground during a peacetime live fire exercise. Of course I put a great deal of stock in what they told me to do, sos I lie down. Others of the more short timers' atitude mill around and act indignant about getting their cammies soiled.
The first round lands and you discover there is something amiss, ie the 60MM mortar round. All of a sudden it seems as if your plt. has been assigned the agressor role without anyone notifying you of this. Dirt flies and those on the grouind already begin burrowing like little rabbits, as those who desired to maintain the cleanliness of their cammies are covered in dust from the explosion and soon afterwards are talking a dirt bath themselves. Two more follow the first round, each landing with more authority the one previous. Finally the word comes that we've been given a reprieve and the first thing one does is try to ascertain just who it was that was POed at us.
End of story, they gave a chrome dome LT a compass and a mortar crew and told him to lay his rounds on the target. This was the same Lt who, on another exercise, got us lost after they gave him a compass and a map. The officer corps certainly give their own plenty of slack I'd say.
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Junior Member
Whoa! I go otta town for a few days and miss all the fun.
Along the lines of dumbest things heard, try this one:
<LOUD BANGING> followed by a sharp up-angle and the sound of air rushing into ballast tanks, and the dreaded Flooding Alarm. The XO gets on the 1MC(all ship comms) and says the following "We may have been hit by a practice weapon and we are surfacing to check for damage". Well no **** Sherlock, what was your first clue 
This is not the only such things he was heard to say, but certainly the dumbest.
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Senior Member
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Junior Member
And I almost forgot, a friend of mine from my old boat sent me the following link with the comment "This is the best thing I've seen for a taste of true submariners".
Hey, Shipwreck!
I finally finished all of the episodes, and I couldn't stop laughing. For all of you former/current/or future submariners out there, I would recommend watching.
It's published by a current active duty submariner, who is on shore duty as a recruiter in Idaho.
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Member
To: All my fellow bar patrons
From: C/O, The Port of Phoenix (formerly the C/C)
It's been so long since I ETS'd I can't remember all the fouled up orders and other militaryisms that I heard. However, I DO remember that after my active duty time I had to do 3 years in the Reserves. That was funny. I was in an Armored unit out of Ogden, KS. The funny part was there were only 6 or 7 guys that had actually been active at some time. We went out in a couple of APCs (I got to drive one, oh boy) and when we stopped, six guys came out the back blowing chunks. I guess they were seasick from the rolling motion one feels in the back of an APC. Also we had to take a PT test and these SFC's and MSG's that had never been active and looked the the statue in front of Bob's Big Boy only in uniform told us we had to do 60 sit ups in 3 minutes, these guys couldn't do 1 sit up in 3 minutes!! Another not so funny part was we had to drive the 2 1/2 tons and pick ups and jeeps around this stupid track (like the ones you'd run around in high school next to the football field) for 6 hours on Sat and Sun. The reason? We had to burn the fuel so we could get the same amount of fuel allowance from DOD for the unit for the next year!! Who comes up with these ideas? What we didn't burn up enough fuel, so if we're activated we can't go??!! Sorry sir, but...and the saddest part is that if I had of stayed in I could've had 30 years in in 2002, and be collecting a pension.
...that is untill a few Km from the base when a GNR (National Guard)traffic patroll decides to run to the midlle of the road and wave me to the side
im done..." but then they say: " IM SORRY SIR! I have to a pologize for the way that I addressed you...so i think ill just forget about this o'lle thing" and off they go to the cruiser and pull of leaving me there ...late as hell...but with my drivers licence
