-
Member
Discovering the keys on his trusty Royal have been glued the Clerk runs to the supply room to have a chat with his buddy the Supply Sergeant. The S/S owes him big time for keeping him out of the missing toilet paper investigation: To wit: "The Sergeant couldn't have been involved sir, he was on leave at the time", (at least that's what was recorded on the "Morning Report"...) Armed with his NEW Royal and a new box of carbon paper the C/C heads for the bar but is stopped by the XO ! "Specialist, have you seen the CO?" "He's in a meeting up at Battalion, Sir" (he's lying, the CO is over at the "O" club, again...
"Well, is there anything you need signed, Specialist?" "No sir, everything is good, sir, but the Cook said if I saw you I was to ask you to come over to the mess hall, he wants you to take a look at the grease pit." "Fine trooper, i'll do that"...
-
Member
Having been forced to eat things that make c-rations look like gourmet food during survival school makes me immune to the c ration weapon of mass destruction.
However, to the non-military types reading this thread, it is true. No matter what the branch, occupation in the branch, if it came down to life or death, everyone hear would bust butt to keep another alive, at the risk of his or her own life.
My unit was trained in 'extraction and recovery' of allied personel. (aka, recovery of allied personel from enemy POW or interogation camps)
*pulls out a 1911 colt and fires three shots into the ceiling*
"HOLD ON, WHO ORDERED THE PIZZA WITH ANCHOVIES? THAT INDIVIDUAL NEEDS TO BE STAKED OUT OVER AN ANT HILL!"
"The bar fight is on hold until said person or persons are identified and dealt with."
-
Senior Member
<span class="ev_code_RED">Rut-Roh</span>Rut-Roh.........look who just showed up
-
Member
Upon seeing the MP's enter the bar, detonates a pound of C4 to make a back door and exits the building.
-
Senior Member
Vietvettwo hurls a bag of Dunkin Donuts out the front door and the MP's follow. Taking advantage of the momentary lull he executes a perfect HALO down the back stairwell and closes in on the snake eater. He hurls a 40-year old chocolate disk from a C-ration can at him with the precision of a laser guided bomb. It catches the snake eater just below the left ear. As his eye glaze over and he sinks to his knees he mutters "look at all the little birdies", then promptly tries to kill all of them with his paint ball gun.
Lane sits in the corner with Rose helping braid the hair on her legs into knee socks.
The company clerk in the best tradition of John Kerry gets a paper cut typing up article 15's and puts himself in for a Purple Heart.
Deepblue figures it's time to answer nature's call. Rises to his feet and yells "viva Vasco da Gama". Promptly gets lost and ends up in the ladies room. Confused by the lack of urinals he wets his pants. Annabell and Cookie find him 20 minutes later using the bidet as a drinking fountain.
Guys if we could wrap some sort of half-a@@ed story around this, it would make a hell of a movie. See ya tomorrow.
-
Senior Member
That it would vietvet!.....the only problem is only Larry, Moe, Curley Joe and Shemp could possibly star in it and we would all start fighting over who plays who!
Headed back to the barracks before that MP see's me. 
-
Member
Captainsquid stands his ground as the Mps enter the bar, and in an act of bravery that defies compreension he offers them "funny" Dutch cigarettes, which they promptly proceed to smoke and in a few minutes all the PMs are holding hands in a circle and singing "Cumbaiaa" while our intrepid Dutch operational procedes to execute a "tactical retreat" trough the closest window.(Damn...got to remember to open the window next time)
-
Senior Member
Deepbluewolf looks at the MP's singuing and at the confusion in the Bar...spots Vietvettwo in the ground on all fours looking for his "false teeth"...down the stairs to the basement he can hear Jlf1961 calling "come hear birdie..."and he decides that desperate times demand desperate measures...slowly he reaches into the leg pocket of his flight suit and slips out a little green can that he holds up in the air...instantly all action inside the Bar comes to an abrupt end, all eyes inside are fixed on the little green can he his holding, at the the far corner by the Buffet some Portuguese Comandos look at the can with the faces of a man who's heart has been stricken with sheer terror... a fly can be heard by the salad bar circling a sliced tomatoe...a sailor starts sobing...the sound of the bar clock as the seconds tick by seems like small explosions on the silence that has downed upon the bar...the CO that was supposed to be on a staff meeting breaks down and wets himself...
In a swooping move that was almost to fast for the human eye, a move at a speed that only a pilot can execute, Deepbluewolf's right hand closes on the handle of the little green can...pauses for a second as everyone gasps in horror stricken faces...and pops the lid open of the Portuguese standart issue combat ration can of Sardines that is 20 years older then himself.
( At this time i need to point out that just the little click that the lid makes as it is opened is enough to strick horror into the most hardened combat troops all over the world...it was used extensivly as a weapon of last resort in the Portuguese colonial wars and it was known to make the enemy go into a panic to the point of leaving theyre weapons behind.
IT HAS been forbiden by the convention of Geneva on grounds of Humanitarian reasons, but as we all know all countries possess hidden weapons)
...As the fumes start to leave the can of sardines an extreme case of colective diarrhea strickes all inside the Bar, and Deepbluewolf jumps trough the next window holding his breath and runs to a safe distance....(to the other side of the planet)
THAT is going to take a LOT of cleaning...
P.S.-in 1997 I was issued a can that had the date of expiry of 1961...they are supposed to last for 10 years so i think the manufacture date must be 1951...i mentioned it to my CO and he told me that if I got it that meant it was still good 
and that he also got one like mine and I could have it if I wanted it...i politly declined 
-
Banned
So you're the one who put the anchovies on the pizza!!
*
-
Member
I just retired (medically) from the USAF after 10 years of flying these: 
I also flew some others, but...they don't let me talk about those. At all. Muuahaha.
