1. #1
    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet"
    that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
    correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
    review the "gripe sheets" before the next flight. Never let it be said that
    ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
    complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and
    the repairs recorded (marked with an R) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    R: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    R: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    R: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
    minute descent
    R: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    R: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    R: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    R: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    R: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    R: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    R: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    R: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
    midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    R: Took hammer away from midget
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  2. #2
    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet"
    that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
    correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
    review the "gripe sheets" before the next flight. Never let it be said that
    ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
    complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and
    the repairs recorded (marked with an R) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    R: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    R: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    R: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
    minute descent
    R: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    R: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    R: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    R: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    R: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    R: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    R: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    R: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
    midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    R: Took hammer away from midget
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  3. #3
    Huh huh - C0ck! Huh - snort.
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  4. #4
    ROFLCOPTER!!!!!1
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  5. #5
    P: Loose nut in cockpit.
    R: Loose nut removed from cockpit, ship OK.
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  6. #6
    I thought this was supposed to be from Qantas...

    Anyways, they're not called "gripe sheets", they're called snag sheets.
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  7. #7
    squawks....
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  8. #8
    Now my stomach hurts and I can barely see! Thanks for the great laugh! Those were GREAT!!
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  9. #9
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by capt_frank:
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    R: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    R: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    R: Suspect you're right.

    P: Target radar hums.
    R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
    midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    R: Took hammer away from midget </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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  10. #10
    Good stuff mainnnn....

    I's loves the big brown tyang...

    gets mue what I's what from that thar NewEgg.com

    Cheers

    Triad
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