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Goodness me Doug, I'm so very sorry to read your latest post. You must be feeling pretty rock bottom right now, and that's perfectly understandable.
The human spirit is an amazing thing, just when you think you have given your all, you'll find more, if you need to.
I wish you and Terry and all your family well, as ever. You have the support of everyone here.
A lifelong Greek friend of mine once said to me during a time of hardship he was enduring "Do you have any good luck I can buy from you?" (I understand it is a Greek saying) Doug, I'd let you have all my good luck right now for free if I could.
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Sadly, 'tis not the season for miracles. Terry's kidney is not coming back from wherever kidneys go to die. Her choice is simple, death or dialysis.
Actually, to say it's simple is a gross oversimplification and she has wrestled with the pro's and cons all week, but favouring death over prolonging the suffering any longer. I somehow managed to convince her to try the dialysis and if she doesn't make a go of it, her former decision will always be available.
If all goes to plan, she should be having the permanent catheter installed in a major neck vein tomorrow and be home after dialysis on Saturday.
The kidney will be monitored between dialysis sessions and if it doesn't carry enough of the load, will be allowed to reject. The upside is that then, some of the most evil immuno-suppressants and hopefully their side effects, will be discontinued.
The future beyond the next couple of days is greyed out for now.
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My wife is in Intensive Care........ again........ but this is only as a precaution after her op to insert the permanent dialysis catheter in her neck. You can't see it though, they insert it in the chest and tunnel upwards under the skin to the neck where it's inserted into a major vein.
She's ok but overcome with stark, blind terror at finding herself back in the ICU environment. They finally kicked me out and I went cruising the empty streets to find somewhere open so I could have a quiet dinner and recharge.
She'll have her 1st dialysis tomorrow and then finally I can take her home and start all over again, working at smoothing her ragged nerves and maybe even bringing a smile back to her face.
Btw, The daughter's boyfriend was discharged a couple of days ago. The doc's still don't know what happened but he knows he has a problem that will require further investigation and treatment. He doesn't have a medical aid so the hospital bundled him out of there as quick as possible, before actually diagnosing the problem.
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I haven't checked in here in awhile but I reckon I'll make a post.
I'm sorry about your wife's deteriorating condition. I hope the best for the both of you but it doesn't sound good.
I believe its been touched on before around here but you should count yourself lucky to have found someone you love and enjoyed many years of marriage with. And I say this because I know or have known several people who have gone well into middle age and have never been able to say the same for themselves. Various reasons, maybe they are too socially inept, never met the right person, fail to understand how to attract a partner, too ugly, very overweight... etc.
Anywho, before the liquor start so speak too freely I'll have you know my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Also, one other thing. I hate to end on a downer but might I suggest the book "Ghost Rider: Travels On The Healing Road" by Neil Peart to you. Its a story of a man who lost everything he holds dear (his wife and daughter) and to keep his sanity he got on his motorcycle and rode over 90,000km in 14 months I think it was all over North America. He just rode on and on searching for a reason to keep going. A very spiritual sort of book laden with all sorts of touchy-feely concepts that most men wouldn't speak to another man, probably not even on a forum like this.
I read it myself because I'm a big fan of Rush and I love motorcycles. Although never suffering such a tremendous loss myself, I believe I took some away from that book.
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Doug, I wish you and Terry all the best with this latest setback. If it is any comfort, I have a friend who has been undergoing dialysis for the last 15 years. He is living a very normal life, other than the trips to the dialysis center. He tells me many people take something to read to pass the time while they are there.
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Life is going up and down so quickly, it's like driving over a rumble strip. Overall, Terry's done ok since her last hospital stint but it cost her.
Her strength and endurance are down and we've had to bring the wheelchair and walker out of retirement. Some really bad periods of pain from cracked ribs has seen the Morphine come out of retirement too. Despite her protests, she's only skipped 1 dialysis session so far.
Yesterday, she got up from her chair, stepped skew and heard the snap of a bone in her foot. The sharp pain and inability of her foot to take her weight caused her to fall. Fortunately, nothing else broke. I took her for X-rays and the doc reckons she needs a cast. She refused, preferring to strap it up.
There have been several periods of depression of the "Please, no more!" kind, but I'm constantly amazed how she bounces back. Spent most of the long weekend just going out, anywhere, resorts war museum, lunches, dinners, shops, just letting her focus outwards. She went to dialysis without a fight today and was quite chirpy.
Took daughter/birthday girl and her SO (still on crutches), out to dinner tonight, was cheerful.
Slippery slopes but we keep at it, what else can we do.
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