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Senior Member
Senior Member
Senior Member
Senior Member
Banned
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Long ago (or maybe not so long ago) there was a wealthy couple who decided that they wanted to build a castle in England. The Husband hired the finest architects, stone masons, landscapers, and carpenters to begin crafting a one of a kind structure. He supervised every step of the process and after many long (few weeks actually) years... The castle was complete. The couple was ready to move in (waking up with a stranger in your house- and your butt hurting is bad). One of the first orders of business was to invite all the influential people of the area over for a grand Castle-Warming party (how the fek do you warm a castle anyway?). The Couple and their Guests partied long into the night.. They played all kinds of games- Pin the tail on the harlot, corn hole, and they even had group face painting activities. The party was such a hit that they decided to continue it the next evening. The debauchery went on for a week. When it was all said and done the castle was a mess- yet very quiet.
Servants took care of the mopping up.. After all clean up was below the masters of the house. After some time the Lady of the castle started to get lonely. It was a big castle after all and with only two people in it most of the time (the servants don't count, they live in the shack next door)- can be a lonely place. They didn't want to have another party because the Lady wasn't out of her wheel chair yet... (don't ask how she got there in the first place- you don't want to know). The Husband decided that the solution would be to buy her a pet to keep her company. He has his driver take him in to London and he spent hours trying to find the most exotic pet store that he could. Once he found the store he was after he went in and began to look around.
The selection was the usual brand of "exotic". Parrots, Cockatwos, Macaws, Monkeys. Blah blah blah it was all boring to him. After all he threw the grandest parties in England. Why should he settle for something so "common". He asked the shop keep if he had anything more exotic and the man replied... "Ah yes, as a matter of fact I do- let me go get him". He disappeared into the back of the shop for about fifteen minutes and returns with a plain box (yes PETA there are air holes in it). He smiles big and opens the box and says "BEHOLD! The one of a kind "Rary".
The Husband looks inside the box and lo and behold.. He sees a small lump of fur that appeared to be breathing. He looks up at the Shopkeeper and says "Is that it?". The keep replies "Yessir, but I do assure you it's exotic.. We can't ever figure out what it does other than eat the food we put into the box.. That is because when we check on it the food is gone.. We don't think it likes to eat when others are around... However good Sir, I assure you there isn't anything else like it in the world...."
The Husband said "I'll take it, name your price no matter how inflated and I shall pay it!!". After being scammed out of five hundred thousand pounds he walked out of the door. He rushed home to present the Lady of the House her new pet. When she looked in the box she said "Honey, what in the hell is it?".. "A RARY he replied... I assure you it's the only one in existence and I do know how you like unique things!"... The Lady replies "Yes, yes I do.. but what does it DO?"...
Well that question went largely unanswered for some weeks.. That is until they noticed something queer going on. It began to grow. What once was a ball of fur in a little cardboard box (yes, with holes PETA) was now a large ball of fur that took up a corner of a room. The only other thing that they could surmise it did was eat.. and eat a lot. Over the months it began to grow ever bigger... To large for the room in fact. They had to build a larger addition to the castle to contain it. Soon that was not enough.. It kept growing (and eating) and growing and growing. Finally the Lady ran crying to her Husband.. "DEAR! We must get rid of this thing! Nobody wants to come to our parties anymore because it smells! All it does is grow and consume food! I HATE IT!!!".
The Husband not wanting his sweet Wife to be in a state of despair gets on the phone... Soon there is a legion of workers there that all toiled seemingly for endless hours to get the giant pet loaded up into the back of a large dump truck. (Like one of those huge quarry trucks...) The truck is driven to the Cliffs of Dover and backed up to the edge... Just as the hydraulics start to moan...
The giant ball of fur unrolls itself and before the crowd of people stood this very odd looking creature indeed.. It looked like a strange cross between a spider monkey and an antelope. It looked down at everybody, then turned around and looked at the sea below him.... He looked like he was pondering something and to top it all.. shocked everyone by speaking...
He said:
"Hello everyone, might I ask you what is going on??". The Husband- always in charge- pipes up.. We didn't know what you were, and all we knew was that you ate and grew... We are here to get rid of you once and for all!!"
The large creature looks at him with a puzzled face... then turns around and looks once again at the sea far below him... He finally spoke once more and said:
"Very well then... But I must say- isn't that a long way to tip a Rary?
Wasting a minute or two of your time reading a overly-worded bad joke.....
Bad..
