1. #1
    Happy birthday America!
    Have a great 4th July
    John.
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  2. #2
    Happy birthday America!
    Have a great 4th July
    John.
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  3. #3
    Xiolablu3's Avatar Senior Member
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    Jan 2003
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    How quaint, to celebrate a bunch of farmers who would not pay their taxes and turned to terrorism, then stole the country from its natives !!





    Only joking, Yanks. Happy Independance day from those evil Limeys!
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  4. #4
    bazzaah2's Avatar Senior Member
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    Mar 2003
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    I love that film!!

    and congratulations of course.
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  5. #5
    I give it 12 hours until we have the revocation of independence post up

    You'd still be a colony if Richard Sharpe had been there


    Happy I Day guys
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  6. #6
    Have a safe and happy 4th of July!

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  7. #7
    danjama's Avatar Senior Member
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    Apr 2005
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    if i was an ******* id make some gay comment like the yanks did on st georges day
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  8. #8
    Airmail109's Avatar Senior Member
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    Dec 2004
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    Less that 12 hours.

    "To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

    Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."

    Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.

    2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

    3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.

    4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.

    5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.

    Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

    You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

    6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.

    7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

    8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

    9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

    10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

    11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used to it).

    12. Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

    13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

    14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

    Thank you for your co-operation.

    John Cleese"
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  9. #9
    slipBall's Avatar Senior Member
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    If you had'nt taxed our herb er I mean tea, maybe we would have stayed with mother England
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  10. #10


    My Name is Old Glory

    by Howard Schnauber

    I am the flag of the United States of America.

    I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
    I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
    I stand side by side with the Maple Leaf on
    the worlds' longest undefended border.
    I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
    I stand guard with power in the world.
    Look up and see me.

    I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
    I stand for freedom.
    I am confident.
    I am arrogant.
    I am proud.

    When I am flown with my fellow banners,
    my head is a little higher,
    my colors a little truer.

    I bow to no one!
    I am recognized all over the world.
    I am worshipped €" I am saluted.
    I am loved €" I am revered.
    I am respected €" and I am feared.

    I have fought in every battle of every war
    for more then 200 years.
    I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox.
    I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France,
    in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy.
    Guam, Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam know me,
    I was there.

    I led my troops, I was dirty, battle worn and tired,
    but my soldiers cheered me And I was proud.
    I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of
    countries I have helped set free. It does not hurt,
    for I am invincible.

    I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on
    the streets of my country. And when it's by those whom
    I've served in battle €" it hurts.
    But I shall overcome €" for I am strong.

    I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over
    the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
    I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
    But my finest hours are yet to come.

    When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded
    comrades on the battlefield, When I am flown at
    half-mast to honor my soldier, Or when I lie in the
    trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their
    fallen son or daughter, I am proud.

    MY NAME IS OLD GLORY. LONG MAY I WAVE.
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