1. #1
    Perk89's Avatar Senior Member
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    Freaking Morris

    What a stupid, contrived piece of crap this game is. If I didn't know any better I'd swear some clown at Ubisoft Great Plains or whatever made this crap up as they went along.

    "Alright guys we need another board game, can't have only two, players are gonna want a break from hunting down all the items our brand new RCG (random collectables generator) puts out, and those times in between when there's a story sequence or something maybe. Wait, Terry didn't I tell you to cut those out to make room for more flags?

    anyways, Jim, whaddya got?

    Jim: well, uh..blah blah blah"

    Im not even kidding. I'm doing an AC4 run and have forgotten how much I hate this unholy abomination. I've played a lot of games in my day, and never have I hated something so much except maybe that companion app in this other game I've played called Assassins Creed Unity.

    Aside from the fact that the computer AI is nothing more than a prettied up version of a Windows XP Checkers opponent, the game itself is comically bogus.

    "Me: Alright... So Morris... How do I play this game?"

    "Computer: Well we start out just by putting our pieces anywhere you want."

    "Anywhere?"

    "No, only I can. If you put your pieces where i wanted to put mine, you're gonna lose."

    "Oh, okay. So I can put them here?

    "Yes. That's not a good spot to put them though so you're probably going to lose."

    "what"





    "Me: Okay, so I've finally gotten all pieces on the board. What now"


    "Computer: Okay, now I take your pieces by spamming this one move over and over again until you lose."

    "Huh"

    "Yeah. Back and forth. Back and forth."

    "Okay, now I've got three pieces in a row, and I'd like to take that piece you keep moving back and forth."

    "Um.. Uh.. You can't."

    "Wait. What?? Why??"

    "Because I need that piece. You've got to take one of these pieces over here that I don't need."

    "this is a stupid game"

    "Back and forth. Back and forth you lose the game."




    "Me: Okay, Okay. Okay alright. I'm finally gonna win and can move on. I've taken like all but a few of your pieces. Now I just have to move this one piece back into a mill and I get to take away your last piece"

    "wait wait wait no no no. Now I get to uh... Um... Uhhhh... Wait... Oh um... Now... Uh now I just get to move my pieces wherever I want "

    "WHAT...? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, do I get to do that?

    "No.

    "well then what happens now?!?"

    " You lose the game."





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    Seriously man screw this game. Give us a kill opponent function.
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  2. #2
    wvstolzing's Avatar Senior Member
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    It's rumored that the game inspires players to take up morris dancing.

    British folks understand what I'm talking about.
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  3. #3
    Locopells's Avatar Moderator
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    Rage Quit was the best ToKW moment ever...
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  4. #4
    SixKeys's Avatar Senior Member
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    Originally Posted by Locopells Go to original post
    Rage Quit was the best ToKW moment ever...
    For real. They should have had that option in AC4. Would have fitted Edward's character and wouldn't have made me feel quite so bad about losing all the time.
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  5. #5
    HiddenKiller612's Avatar Senior Member
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    I could picture Edward, slamming his hand down on the morris board, throwing the pieces all around and smashing his opponent in the head with a bottle of rum.
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  6. #6
    Perk89's Avatar Senior Member
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    I've begged Ubisoft for a rage quit button. I've given them a number of other ideas, they're welcome to this one too. They better patch it into the old games too though. That's my fee.
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  7. #7
    Rafe Harwood's Avatar Senior Member
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    I just wanted to say thank you for the chuckles.

    This thread made me grin from ear to ear
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  8. #8
    Those antique board games are truly loathsome, what I don't get is why Assassins don't use Eagle Sense or whatever to cheat. What's the point of having a sixth sense if it can't give you an unfair advantage.
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  9. #9
    Capybarbar's Avatar Member
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    That damn game was probably the biggest obstacle when i was trying to get a platinum trophy for AC3. Also, as a Nebraskan, I think Ubisoft Great Plains would be awesome.
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  10. #10
    The game is suppose to be based on an old board game right? I want to find the guy that invented it and smack him around for creating such a frustrating board game XO
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