Retired from Competitive Play
This isnt going to be some epic goodbye statement. Just want to give the details on where im at right now in life and where I dont want to be on Trials.
First off for a while now I have been very depressed in real life. High anxiety, which my docter thinks ive had almost all my life(some kind of disorder or something), trouble sleeping, excessive worrying, shaking, drueling, and phantasies of suicide.
Something my councelor told me which I agree with is that part of the reason I game so much and so intensely is for control. Ive never really felt like Ive ever had control over anything so I became addicted to the one and only thing I do have some control over. Playing video games is something Im good at. Its somewhere I can be respected and acknowleged as a human being.
With all of this being said, Id like to also add that I truely do love video games. Its not just a sick twisted addiction like you might be thinking. For instance Ive been playing RED DEAD REDEMPTION lately. Decided to 100 % it AGAIN! Played in one sitting for 6 hours and got to the mission where Irish takes you to Mexico for the first time. Point being I didnt do that for any competitive reasons to satisfy my craving for order and control in my life. I did it because I enjoy it! I was having fun for the first time in a while on the XBOX. Sort of made me realize that competing on leaderboards is not only too stressful but but I really dont even truely enjoy it.The decision to retire was actually made before RED DEAD but RD just helped to confirm it for me personally.
No worries, I have a different view on all of this now. The plan is to try and do things that I enjoy, honestly enjoy and try and focus on my life more as well. Was thinking about eventually doing full game runs for speeddemosarchive. I know I know..Wouldnt a full game run be even more stressful. Well it would if I had to play according to other top players paces(effort,time put in a day etc.). But the truth is doing full game runs gives you the option to play whenever you want and at your own pace. If I wanna route for a week then stop for a few days thats fine. Not like on a leaderboard where if I slouch off there will be punishment. Whenever you are not playing someone else is. Constant stress.... Why dont I play my heart out today and take a few lvls only for them to be taken the very next day. Whats the point if you arent having fun. If what you are doing isnt fullfilling you. The only difference between me and an investment banker that hates his life is that I have a choice. Well guess what...I made it!
As for Trials I will be playing casually maby even every day. Custom tracks in-game tracks for fun, might even pick out a few in the future and defend them. At my own pace of course which is my whole point.
This isnt a goodbye but just a marker for where im at right now. Still here... just not competitivily.
ps. Youll see me viewing the lbs alot sometimes. Ive always been an avid replay watcher and I always will!
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Sarcasim Euphoric? Im not trying to preach anything here man. I know Im not mr popular on these forums but still all of this is very important to me. Take what you want from my post but dont put it down. Sorry if Ive ever been mean to you on here Fusion.
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slinky
Whenever you are not playing someone else is. Constant stress....
I can feel you. Trials 2 is still bothering me allthough I didn't play it for months. I always had the urge to get better and compete to others. And I always wanted to be the best in it. It sure was possible for me to get in the top4, but anything above that, is brutal pain and lots of frustration. I bought Trials Evolution with a good feeling. But even with the fact that it's such an incredible game I don't want to play it just because of the fact that I know that I will lose lots of years that could have been spend on other more important things (and because xbox sucks). I wish you best luck and hope you will feel better any time soon
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slinky
Sarcasim Euphoric? Im not trying to preach anything here man. I know Im not mr popular on these forums but still all of this is very important to me. Take what you want from my post but dont put it down. Sorry if Ive ever been mean to you on here Fusion.
No sarcasm at all. In fact I could relate to most of it myself. Sorry it came across the wrong way.
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slinky
Sarcasim Euphoric? Im not trying to preach anything here man. I know Im not mr popular on these forums but still all of this is very important to me. Take what you want from my post but dont put it down. Sorry if Ive ever been mean to you on here Fusion.
I don't think he was being sarcastic.
My best wishes to you Slinky, I know your problem. Good thing you've gotten on top of it.
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slinky
Whenever you are not playing someone else is. Constant stress....
I can feel you. Trials 2 is still bothering me allthough I didn't play it for months. I always had the urge to get better and compete to others. And I always wanted to be the best in it. It sure was possible for me to get in the top4, but anything above that, is brutal pain and lots of frustration. I bought Trials Evolution with a good feeling. But even with the fact that it's such an incredible game I don't want to play it just because of the fact that I know that I will lose lots of years that could have been spend on other more important things (and because xbox sucks). I wish you best luck and hope you will feel better any time soon
Thanks Kim! You must be the proper age to view this thread. Elements behavior anywhere else other then on the Internet would be horrid.
Retired from Competitive Play
Slinky I enjoyed watching your impossible times and replays in Hd and evo. Good luck man.
Re: Retired from Competitive Play
sorry fusion for taking it the wrong way man. Cant blame me. Did look a tad fishy at first lol Thanks man! to you too ant thanks