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View Full Version : Waaaay OT ... need a chuckle?



Old_Canuck
02-13-2004, 10:12 AM
Got these "news headlines" in the email today and some of them made me laugh even though I've seen most them before:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>"Crack Found on Governor's Daughter"

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"

"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms"

"Prostitutes Appeal To Pope"

"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"

"Teacher Strikes Idle Kids"

"Miners Refuse To Work After Death"

"Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant"

"War Dims Hope For Peace"

"If Strike Isn't Settle Quickly It May Last A While"

"Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures"

"Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"

"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"

"Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge"

"New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group"

"Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft"

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"

"Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy"

"Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half"
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

Old_Canuck
02-13-2004, 10:12 AM
Got these "news headlines" in the email today and some of them made me laugh even though I've seen most them before:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>"Crack Found on Governor's Daughter"

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"

"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms"

"Prostitutes Appeal To Pope"

"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"

"Teacher Strikes Idle Kids"

"Miners Refuse To Work After Death"

"Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant"

"War Dims Hope For Peace"

"If Strike Isn't Settle Quickly It May Last A While"

"Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures"

"Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"

"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"

"Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge"

"New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group"

"Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft"

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"

"Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy"

"Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half"
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

pinche_bolillo
02-13-2004, 11:12 AM
hahahaha those were pretty funny

georgeo76
02-13-2004, 11:19 AM
lol pretty good http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://webpages.charter.net/Stick_Fiend/images/buck2.gif
"I don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up. "
Fiend's Wings (http://webpages.charter.net/Stick_Fiend)

georgeo76
02-13-2004, 11:20 AM
How about these classified adds?

&gt; &gt;FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.
&gt; &gt;----------------------------------
&gt; &gt;FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL
&gt; &gt; SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
&gt; &gt;-----------------------------
&gt; &gt;FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD,
&gt; &gt;PART STUPID DOG.
&gt; &gt;------------------------------
&gt; &gt;GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED.
&gt; &gt;SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A
&gt; &gt;REWARD.
&gt; &gt;-----------------------------------
&gt; &gt;1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
&gt; &gt;----------------------------
&gt; &gt;SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
&gt; &gt;ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------
&gt; &gt;COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
&gt; &gt;ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------
&gt; &gt;NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -
&gt; &gt;"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
&gt; &gt;----------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;GEORGIA PEACHES,
&gt; &gt;CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
&gt; &gt;------------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
&gt; &gt;-----------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
&gt; &gt;FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
&gt; &gt;------------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
&gt; &gt;-------------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE &DONUTS.
&gt; &gt;--------------------------------------
&gt; &gt;(AND THE BEST ONE)
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt;FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
&gt; &gt;Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married
&gt; &gt;last month. Freaking Wife knows everything.

http://webpages.charter.net/Stick_Fiend/images/buck2.gif
"I don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up. "
Fiend's Wings (http://webpages.charter.net/Stick_Fiend)

arcadeace
02-13-2004, 11:26 AM
Funny stuff Georgeo http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://www.onpoi.net/ah/pics/users/ah_222_1073167658.jpg

Old_Canuck
02-13-2004, 11:49 AM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Gay Bull? That wouldn't be hereditary would it?

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

pinche_bolillo
02-13-2004, 03:07 PM
hahaha 1 man 7 woman hot tub.......but the best one is the guy selling the encyclopedias cause his wife already knows everything :O

Zen--
02-13-2004, 03:21 PM
"Miners Refuse To Work After Death"

lmao

Good one OC

-Zen-
Formerly TX-Zen