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sgilewicz
01-09-2008, 09:43 AM
For all of you who drive in metro areas (but especially those who deal with NY/NJ metro traffic) I thought this would bring a grin to your face. I live and work in northern New Jersey and some of this is just spot on! Enjoy:

How To Drive In Jersey

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not New-ark. (actually, it's pronounced NERK)

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon.
The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m.
Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler
go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. And In Hudson County, Red lights and Stop signs are totally ignored by the Local population, you could get "T-boned" at most intersections.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats,barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires,
cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on
any of these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say, they do and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for
Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

blairgowrie
01-09-2008, 10:05 AM
That is really very funny but I think it now also applies to many cities all over the world.

SlickStick
01-09-2008, 11:45 AM
It's funny because it's true. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

A couple of additions:

13. If you are behind a car on the GSP or NJ TPKE and they sit in the left lane doing the speed limit or just under and will not move to the right, regardless of how many people pass them on the right, there is a 93.7% chance that car will have NY license plates.

14. If you see headlights coming up extremely fast behind you at night while you are in the left lane of the GSP or NJ TPKE and doing 70+, move over, as there is an 87.6% chance that it is a NJ State Trooper.

14a. Speed limits do not apply to NJ State Troopers.

15. Do not ever try to not block an intersection or side street while waiting for a light. You will be honked at and flipped-off mercilessly for allowing any cars to turn into/out of these streets while you wait for the light to change. You must always bunch up as tight as possible at every traffic light and block every street, driveway or parking lot exit possible. There is a little-known anti-good samaritan law in NJ.

16. When approaching your exit on a highway or freeway and there is a long line for the exit, just ride the closest lane to the exit and cut in at the last moment. The other drivers really like that. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

sgilewicz
01-09-2008, 01:13 PM
14. If you see headlights coming up extremely fast behind you at night while you are in the left lane of the GSP or NJ TPKE and doing 70+, move over, as there is an 87.6% chance that it is a NJ State Trooper.

Add Rt.80 to that list! Don't ask me how I know http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif

M_Gunz
01-09-2008, 04:14 PM
Originally posted by SlickStick:
15. Do not ever try to not block an intersection or side street while waiting for a light. You will be honked at and flipped-off mercilessly for allowing any cars to turn into/out of these streets while you wait for the light to change. You must always bunch up as tight as possible at every traffic light and block every street, driveway or parking lot exit possible. There is a little-known anti-good samaritan law in NJ.

I must not be reading that correctly. If you are actually in the intersection when the light
changes then you are supposed to if possible, get out of the intersection.

I have friends that visit Nashville occasionally and they tell me that stopping for red lights
when there is no cross traffic will get you honked, flipped off and yelled at but not shot at
least so far.

I too have memories of the Garbage State Parkway.

Aviar
01-09-2008, 09:14 PM
I live in NE NJ. The above is all true....trust me.

Aviar

Breeze147
01-10-2008, 06:08 AM
On the Atlantic City Expressway, it is permissable to drive on the shoulder during traffic jams and cut back in at the site of the blockage. Any attempt to block cars coming back from the shoulder will result in you getting shot.

Worf101
01-10-2008, 06:57 AM
Sheesh... Jersey... punks.

If you ain't drivin on the LIE, you ain't driving. Biggest parking lot East of L.A.

Jersey... pheh...

Da Worfster