View Full Version : OT - (mis) adventures with hot sauce

01-25-2008, 05:25 PM
About 15 years ago I developed a hankering for foods that bit back. So I began using the good ol' standby, Tabasco sauce. In those distant "training" days of yonder, it would burn all the way from pie hole to poo hole (i.e., goin' in *and* comin' out)!

Eventually got to the point where I'd use up 1/2 to 2/3 of a bottle in a single sitting of fajitas. Harder stuff was needed.

A friend brought back a wicked variety from the Caribbean. I drizzled a *minute* drop on the tip of my pinkie... Hoooeee! A little dab'l do ya, with that stuff. A couple hours later, while working at the computer, I absentmindedly used the same finger to poke into my itchy ear. Several minutes later my ear hole got warm. Then HOT!

Another time I was at lunch with a couple of guys who worked at a camera shop I frequented. To test the restaurant's hot sauce by smell, I squeezed the bottle while sniffing at the nozzle. Instead of a gentle puff of scented air, I got a dose of liquid in the eye. Yow!

More recently, while dining at home in the nude (I'm a bachelor) I accidentally dropped a dab of hot sauce on (ahem) the little guy who used to do much of my thinking for me back in my twenties. You know, ol' "one-eye". Remembering the ear episode, and knowing what was to come, I headed for the sink at near-mach velocity. Probably didn't help a bit, 'cause in no time there was a most unwanted "fire down below"!


01-25-2008, 05:35 PM
Haha, funny read m8! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

01-25-2008, 05:35 PM

01-25-2008, 05:35 PM
Next time, wear protection. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif


01-26-2008, 12:20 AM
So you dig the firecrotch huh? Not my cup of tea but that's cool if you like it... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

01-26-2008, 01:06 AM
Lurch old man (ala Gomez Addams) go find Dave's Insanity Sauce at a store and READ the label.
Take it seriously then put the bottle back slowly.

I use Chinese mustard powder. It's variable. You mix with water and then try a little in
about 5 mins and then every minute after for the next 10 mins. It gets hotter during that
time right up to flamethrower then declines over time. When you have it just so, add a bit
of vinegar and it will pretty much stay that way. Ain't chemistry wunnerful? And it's great
stuff for clearing the sinus as well as being pretty cheap and easy to store.

BTW, you can get in trouble just chowing down on it at too hot like as in having trouble
breathing at the same time your heart rate is heading for wild sex level so don't go testing
one minute and putting it in your mouth 10 minutes later thinking "no big deal".

01-26-2008, 09:28 AM
LOL, Good read!

It reminds me of one time we(me and the wife) went over to a friends house. He dabbled in making his own hot sauces. Well, he brings out this glass gallon jug of stuff with "Nuclear Waste" written on it. One of his best batches so he said! I grab a tortilla and take a dip from a small bowl he had poured it in and WOOOHOOOOO! This stuff was just stupid hot. He was laughing of course.

Then I just had to get my wife to try itm but she just would not do it. So I grabbed a toothepick and just dampened it with the sauce. A small struggle insued as I kind of forced her to try it. Well, I manage to smear the toothepick on her lip! about 30 seconds later she was screaming in my pain as we were all laughing until a blister formed on her lip!

I still feel guilty to this day for doing that. Some are just not meant for this stuff!

01-26-2008, 10:04 AM
Originally posted by roybaty:



01-26-2008, 12:13 PM
I used to be a lover of buffalo sauces, then my stomach chickened out on me. I've taken a great liking since to wasabe. Wasabe can be hot like the breath of the dragon but ten seconds later the stinging agony is gone, so all the fun without the "consequences", lol!

01-26-2008, 12:49 PM
Typical of the guys (and some gals) that I served with in the military:

We were wrapping up a NTC (National Training Center) rotation and our company was parked out in the desert waiting clearance to go back in to "The Dustbowl", where visiting units stayed. A couple of younger lads decide that they're bored and looking for some excitement. They decide on having a showdown.

One participant offers to hold a 9V lantern battery to his tongue while the other chugs on a large bottle of hot sauce. The first one to stop loses.

A small crowd gathers while our platoon sergant walks away muttering "I was never here...." The game starts. Immediately, the lantern battery is causing some facial contortions while the hot sauce seems to be goin' down smooth. After about 30 seconds, though, the nearly-empty bottle pops away from his mouth while he gasps for breath.

Not only did he lose the showdown, but he paid "the price" for several days afterwards!


01-26-2008, 01:22 PM
You don't cook nekkid do ya? That could be truly hazardous http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

More recently, while dining at home in the nude (I'm a bachelor)

han freak solo
01-26-2008, 02:04 PM
This thread reminds me of rubbin' my eyes when I wore contact lenses after eating crawfish. The contacts would just stay there burnin' and burnin' and I couldn't keep my fingers in my eyes long enough to get them out. Mudder fecker!

Speaking of hot stuff on skin, if you've ever used Atomic Balm by Cramer, it'll give you a burn you can't scrape off. The stuff used to have turpentine in it, I don't know if they still label it that way. Amazingly, Cramer's website says it's only a "medium penetrating warmth". Bullsheet.

Apparently, Atomic Balm isn't strong enough for some folks because Cramer actually makes a hotter product called Red Hot. I've never experienced Red Hot and I hope I never will. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

01-26-2008, 02:11 PM
I was prepping some habanero peppers once. I had a guy helping me who I warned twice to wash his hands before as well as after using the restroom. He didn't listen and paid the price.