View Full Version : The most fun I've had failing a mission yet

11-01-2004, 12:00 PM
I've just flown my goofiest mission in a long while AEP, and given how hard I laughed when it was over, I decided to write it up as a tongue-in-cheek diary entry. Here it goes (a link to the .trk is at the bottom, and it's probably quicker to download and watch it than read the story. Recorded in AEP v 2.04, so you PF guys may not be able to view it.):

25 Feb, 1943 0230
Cmdr "Blotto", 41 Equadrilla, Rom AF (Bf-109G-2)

I strode out to the flightline to talk to the "black men" of our squadron. Approaching the maintanence chief, I cast a wizened glance to the night sky and said, "there's an attack coming. Load the cannon pods on the aircraft. And defuel them to half fuel, too." (note: IRL, he would have responded with "Commander, do you have ANY idea what time it is!?!", along with whatever quaint Romanian phrase passes for "blow me!", but it's my story, and I'll tell it the way I want to.)

On the runway, cockpit lights "on", engine start, and off I go. My wingmen delay taking off, and sit with their nav lights on, inviting a strafing attack. I'll have to remember to beat them when I return. Turning to the southwest, I'm reminded again how dark it can be in the Kuban at 0230 in February. As the searchlights begin spastically searching the night sky, in vain for the moment, I quickly pick up a "tally" on the first two intruders, LaGGs trying to bounce us on takeoff (note: this is an old campaign I'm trying to finish, and I still used icons when I started it. Lucky for me, since the Ai can see me in the dark, and I need all the visual aquisition help I can get to level the playing field.) I target the trailer, but he's got too much speed built up in the dive, and I don't catch him until well after his leader's strafing run. The searchlights briefly cone him, giving me a vital glimpse of his aspect and attitude. All too quickly, he slips from the light. Booting rudder and pumping the stick as I fire (note: because even with icons, I can't pick an aimpoint out of the darkness, and have to resort to "spray & pray."), I manage to put a fatal burst into him.

The leader attempts to avenge his fallen comrade by killing me over my own airfield. He certainly is brave. Brave but foolish. Number two calls out the threat behind me, and I lead him on a merry chase as he tries to ventilate me. My wingmen, finally airborne, pluck him off my tail. Maybe I won't beat them too severely after all.

Now comes the main attack. A stream of Sturmovik's appear out of the murk to the southeast, and I order my wingmen to attack. The searchlight crews have calmed down a bit, and they start picking out targets effectively. I target a well-lit Il-2, and send two quick bursts into him. These hit nothing vital, and serve only to alert his gunner to me. He's coned in searchlights, but uses a most bizzare and unorthodox defensive tactic. Completing my first run, he pulls up into a near stall, and procedes to dazzle us all with a well-lit display of slow-flight over our airfield. Bizzare, but effective. I have a hard time lining up another shot. Unfortunately, his gunner doesn't, and hits my oil-cooler. I'm not out of the fight yet though. Again I come around to fire from behind (a head-on attack on a maneuvering target at night is beyond even my prodigious abilities.) My final burst saws the tail off his aircraft (and hopefully hits that d@mn gunner), and he goes down just outside the airfield boundary.

I have no time to celebrate however. I'm hit, and while my engine is still running, it's getting rough, and my forward vision is all but obscured by the oil. Turning back towards the airfield to the northwest, I effectively have no outside horizon. Did I mention it was dark? Darker than a cow's insides. I'm also having a tough time determining what's obscured by the darkness, and what I can't see due to oil, as if that really matters. Luckily the searchlights are still on, and the AAA crews are sporatically shooting at Russian aircrew in parachutes (war crime or not, they help me see the runway boundary through the oil.) Nav lights "on" to avoid becoming a victim of "friendly fire", I try to memorize as much of the runway picture as possible, before pointing at it obscures my view. Flaps to "landing", and I keep my speed up in the futile hope of keeping the nose down enough to see past the oil. Looking to the side, and guided by feel and instinct more than what I actually see, I manage a fairly smooth landing. In the flare, I just manage to make out the edge of the grass strip streaming beside me in the darkness.

With a sigh of relief, I retract my flaps and slow down. A brief, intense mission comes to an end. Coasting with the last of my aircraft's momentum, I turn off the runway... and plow directly into the unlit control tower!!!


Edit: corrected the wrong air force in the diary heading

11-01-2004, 12:13 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Blottogg:
With a sigh of relief, I retract my flaps and slow down. A brief, intense mission comes to an end. Coasting with the last of my aircraft's momentum, I turn off the runway... and plow directly into the unlit control tower!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


11-01-2004, 12:39 PM
Great read!! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I had a similar incident recently. Flying my Sturmo to a distant enemy airfield in the Crimea '42 Campaign. I took out a parked aircraft and a AAA battery when I broke the cardinal rule and went back for the old "one more pass". I got battered, an aileron blown off, most of my rudder gone, hit in the engine with oil all over the windscreen. I gain altitude as best as I can and proceed to fly the entire 102 KM back to base. I somehow manage to land and taxi to my parking spot. For some ungodly reason, probably because I was so proud of making it all the way back, I simply could not find the brake and I plowed into a row of parked I-16's, ripping off both of my wings and doing severe damage to the I-16's.

I think it would be cool if we had a sticky for mission reports. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif