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View Full Version : A Passing Thought on Advanced Gerbil Husbandry



leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 05:52 AM
Might as well...

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 05:57 AM
research into creating a breed of super server-hamsters is urgently required. the current breed have too low a tolerance of heat for the flame-tastic ubi-zoo. many hamsters have been reduced to ash, and cannot be replaced quickly enough, resulting in the loss of days worth of posts. we must fund this research or lose more valuable (cough cough) threads and posts.

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 05:59 AM
I concur, Dr flyingloon, however, I believe the blue rodents tend to be over-modeled...

arthursmedley
02-01-2008, 06:01 AM
I notice on my kids Gerbil his whiskers are 'swept back.'

Intelligent design or dumb luck?

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:05 AM
Dr arthursmedley! You know religious threads get deleted!

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 06:10 AM
Dr Leitmotiv, i belive the colour blue may have better cooling properties than a red colour. however the red hamsters exhibit an improved ability to sustain the wheel speed despite bursting into flames. maybe purple hamsters are required?
also, the swept back whiskers help increase wheel spin speed in relation to hamster temperature, thereby producing more efficient hamsters that do not over-heat as quickly thanks to the reduced resistance. however whether this is something that was intended or is just a freak occurence is undeterminable at this stage. we need more funding. and rodents.

arthursmedley
02-01-2008, 06:12 AM
Welcome to the Church of Partial Awareness;

Brother Oleg will be along shortly to speak in tongues!

buzzsaw1939
02-01-2008, 06:15 AM
Got track? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

MEGILE
02-01-2008, 06:16 AM
Which are the more prolific shaggers.. rabbits or Gerbils

Answers on a postcard.

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:16 AM
I am outraged to see two reputable gerbil husbandmen making outrageous postulations in the absence of comprehensive chart evidence!

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 06:18 AM
the data is insufficient to produce anything but misleading results that would indicate the red gerbil to be superior despite massive anecdotal evidence to the contrary.

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:18 AM
(When in doubt, stun the opposition with a brutal application of samba video with flashing thighs)

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=75265

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:21 AM
http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s261/G6AS/Picture1-6.png

stalkervision
02-01-2008, 06:22 AM
I had a "super gerbil" at one time I called "J.Fred Muggs" I should have cloned him.
I use to let him run loose in my apartment to run around and him and I use to have staring matches to see which of us would back down first. He always won. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

What a fisty little critter. He use to climb into my house plants and eat them up!

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 06:24 AM
this raises an interesting prospect - use of multiple gerbils, as the smaller size would allow two or more wheels to be used in one installation, as compared witht eh single hasmter installation currentlty employed. an interesting prospect indeed. and deserving of more research.

MEGILE
02-01-2008, 06:25 AM
http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/02/18/samba_hgear_gallery__325x400.jpg

arthursmedley
02-01-2008, 06:30 AM
I notice our Gerbil never overheats, even on WEP
(wheel emergency power)

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 06:32 AM
Originally posted by Megile:
http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/02/18/samba_hgear_gallery__325x400.jpg
such costumes will cause rapid meltdown. however, the hamsters will not suffer and ti will produce valuable flameout data for future charts - do proceed.

danjama
02-01-2008, 06:33 AM
this is what we need

http://www.photopost.com/photopost/data/500/medium/107698Gerbil_Stomper.JPG

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:37 AM
(when the opposition threatens to reveal one's theories as a house of cards, relentlessly use USC cheerleader images)

http://www.wcfcourier.com/blogs/beaton/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/usccheerleaders.JPG

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:40 AM
Red hamsters have been proven to have anachronistic "coke bottle shaped" thoraxes which give them greater stability while transiting the deadly Richard Gere Barrier.

ViktorViktor
02-01-2008, 06:51 AM
Since when is a Gerbil a Hamster ?

Animal Husbandry NOOB !!

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-mad.gif

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 06:55 AM
The error was made by my cackbrained graduate student. I am, of course, infallible! Delete "hamsters," add "gerbils."

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 07:11 AM
Originally posted by leitmotiv:
The error was made by my cackbrained graduate student. I am, of course, infallible! Delete "hamsters," add "gerbils."
IGOR! cross the damnable rodents! throw that f'ing switch NOW! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

leitmotiv
02-01-2008, 07:59 AM
...and this was the result...

http://www.totallyabsurd.com/gerbilshirt.htm

flyingloon
02-01-2008, 08:14 AM
patented no less

MB_Avro_UK
02-01-2008, 10:45 AM
A woman walks into a pet shop and after looking around a bit selects a Gerbil.

The shop owner says to her, 'I bet you're not married'.

The woman says, 'Yes,I'm not married,how could you know?'.

The shop owner says...


'Because you're fu***** ugly.'


Best Regards,
MB_Ugly.

DrHerb
02-01-2008, 11:58 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif
Originally posted by leitmotiv:
Red hamsters have been proven to have anachronistic "coke bottle shaped" thoraxes which give them greater stability while transiting the deadly Richard Gere Barrier.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Pirschjaeger
02-02-2008, 04:17 AM
Originally posted by buzzsaw1939:
Got track? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a198/FritzFranzen/gotcrack.jpg

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 04:21 AM
What have I unleashed?

buzzsaw1939
02-02-2008, 04:33 AM
NOOO.. Fritz!...track.. with a T! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Pirschjaeger
02-02-2008, 04:38 AM
Originally posted by buzzsaw1939:
NOOO.. fritz!...track.. with a T! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Oooops. My bad. I haven't had a coffee yet.
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/shady.gif
Here you go. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a198/FritzFranzen/track.jpg

Fritz

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 05:02 AM
I'd love to post the (in)famous 1993 PRIVATE EYE news piece about the notorious incident where a Florida queen was KOed by a projectile gerbil, but I dassn't.

Airmail109
02-02-2008, 06:36 AM
Actual article from the LA Times

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

"Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract."

buzzsaw1939
02-02-2008, 06:55 AM
OMG... You have to be makeing that up!
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Pirschjaeger
02-02-2008, 07:09 AM
http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a198/FritzFranzen/Raggot.jpg

It's always the innocent that die young. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/sadeyes.gif

R.I.P Raggot. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif

Fritz

bun-bun195333
02-02-2008, 07:30 AM
If a gerbil inhaled helium it would have a REALLY squeaky voice.

flyingloon
02-02-2008, 08:10 AM
Originally posted by Aimail101:
Actual article from the LA Times

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

"Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract."
seen it reported in some medical/psych journal as well, classic story.
would a hamster, with a larger cross-sectional area, have a lower velocity and therefore a reduced chance of maxillo-facial injuries?

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 08:12 AM
Originally posted by Aimail101:
Actual article from the LA Times

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

"Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract."

You are a better man than I, Gunga Din. Unfortunately, this is a seriously corrupted version of the PE story.

R_Target
02-02-2008, 01:18 PM
As usual, Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/gerbil.asp) has the low-down.

Airmail109
02-02-2008, 06:06 PM
Legend of Raggot

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0403222/

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 06:22 PM
Here is the verbatim version as was printed in PRIVATE EYE:

http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s261/G6AS/Picture1-9.png

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 06:25 PM
Needless to say, British PRIVATE EYE took some liberties with their treatment---can't see a Florida cop using the quintessentially British "tradesman's entrance"!

ploughman
02-02-2008, 06:49 PM
Too true there Leit. I seriously doubt that there's a Sherrif called Hugo Root not neither, root, via the 'Stralian, meaning to have a darn goodly relations in beds.

Got to pity the poor rodent though.

leitmotiv
02-02-2008, 06:54 PM
Great to see you back, Squadron-Leader Ploughman! said Sergeant-Pilot O'Leit falling off his Defiant's wingtip into a 50 gal drum of gerbil droppings.