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View Full Version : Possible new games for the female Ubi-softers"



stalkervision
01-09-2008, 12:22 PM
Possible potential new winning titles for female ubi-buyers..

(1.)"Take out the damn Garbage it's starting to stink!"

In this title the husband is rewarded with an ocassional BJ on his birthday if he succeeds in taking out the garbage with some sort of regularality. Falure to do so will bring on a fire storm of nagging on any other subject the wife feels needs addressing like repairing her broke down washing machine and getting new shoes for the kids bare feet..

(2.) "Lift the Fri-kin Toliet Seat you idiot baboon!"


Husband is awarded with an ocassional smile if he succeeeds in this task once in a blue moon. Additional points are given for accuracy of urination and taken away for "hosing behavior"

Y0RGO
01-09-2008, 12:44 PM
You are need marage councel, yes?

K_Freddie
01-09-2008, 01:07 PM
Love Is.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

stalkervision
01-09-2008, 01:10 PM
Originally posted by Y0RGO:
You are need marage councel, yes?

"No pero las niñas hacen. ¿Es usted una niña?"

Actually, I am doing quite well in that regard. Just thought I would brighten up some poor hen pecked soul's day. As for me the old Rolling Stones song goes. "Under my thumb"... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

The greatest rock band ever!

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61VKyK5UvYY&feature=related

jadger
01-09-2008, 01:15 PM
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

stalkervision
01-09-2008, 01:20 PM
Originally posted by jadger:
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Skunk_438RCAF
01-09-2008, 01:45 PM
Originally posted by jadger:
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

Funny maybe, but do you ever eat out? Consider THAT the next time you see your wife fall in.

Urufu_Shinjiro
01-09-2008, 01:49 PM
Originally posted by jadger:
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

You're sad and alone arent you?

j/k, it is funny. I've tried to debate this before, I cannot fathom how it is my resposibility to watch after where her naked butt goes, lol. The debate is short lived though because I know where my bread is buttered and I STFU pretty quick, lol.

DuxCorvan
01-09-2008, 01:50 PM
Originally posted by stalkervision:
"No pero las niñas hacen. ¿Es usted una niña?"

¿Qué? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

buzzsaw1939
01-09-2008, 01:53 PM
You had me worried there Stalker, when I saw that this morning, I was afraid to ask! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

As for the toliet seat, nobodys going to belive this, but when I first met my wife, I jokeingly told her that was a pet peave of mine, and I thought women should put the seat up for us, she did it for a long time! what a gal! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

LEBillfish
01-09-2008, 01:55 PM
How rediculous....Everyone knows the best game we play is called "relationships" or secretly known as (as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group) "men are worms".....The best thing in life is to "Crush a <STRIKE>worm</STRIKE>...err man, see them driven before you, and hear their lamentations."

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

DuxCorvan
01-09-2008, 01:58 PM
Oink.

SeaFireLIV
01-09-2008, 02:14 PM
Originally posted by Urufu_Shinjiro:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by jadger:
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

You're sad and alone arent you?

j/k, it is funny. I've tried to debate this before, I cannot fathom how it is my resposibility to watch after where her naked butt goes, lol. The debate is short lived though because I know where my bread is buttered and I STFU pretty quick, lol. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Agreed. Never could understand why it`s our responsibility to lift the seat up and why they get so annoyed about it either...

Seems a bit like toilet slavery to me- do it yaself, I say, you`re an adult.

Urufu_Shinjiro
01-09-2008, 02:16 PM
I don't know about you but I tend to turn around and look before I put my naked anything anywhere, lol

Messaschnitzel
01-09-2008, 02:27 PM
Originally posted by DuxCorvan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by stalkervision:
"No pero las niñas hacen. ¿Es usted una niña?"

¿Qué? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

¿Qué?, tambien.

When I was a kid, my dad had a talk with me about leaving the lid up. It went something like this: "If your mother has to get up in the middle of the night, and sits in the water instead of on the seat, then she's not going to be happy. If she's not happy, then that will automatically make me not happy."

I have never left the lid up since then. If you are not already in the know, this scores big points with women, even though they may never commend you on it. Same thing goes with always replacing the T.P. when it has run out. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif

stalkervision
01-09-2008, 02:48 PM
Another thing that drives women totally crazy is scratching your privates when they itch. As all you men well know men's privates itch quite freqently. They were ment to breath and flop freely all over the place as the great apes well know. Want to stop an argument with a lady in mid flight. Start scratching your privates. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif She will soon call you a pig and totally forget what you two were fighting about.. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

stalkervision
01-09-2008, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by LEBillfish:
How rediculous....Everyone knows the best game we play is called "relationships" or secretly known as (as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group) "men are worms".....The best thing in life is to "Crush a <STRIKE>worm</STRIKE>...err man, see them driven before you, and hear their lamentations."

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

I forget the name of the black comedian i saw last night but he was spot on about relationships with women. He said the one big disadvantage men have with women in an argument is that men need to make sense in an argument where as women do not. Women just want to win the argument no matter what they have say or do to do it.. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Whirlin_merlin
01-09-2008, 03:04 PM
Originally posted by stalkervision:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by LEBillfish:
How rediculous....Everyone knows the best game we play is called "relationships" or secretly known as (as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group) "men are worms".....The best thing in life is to "Crush a <STRIKE>worm</STRIKE>...err man, see them driven before you, and hear their lamentations."

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

I forget the name of the black comedian i saw last night but he was spot on about relationships with women. He said the one big disadvantage men have with women in an argument is that men need to make sense in an argument where as women do not. Women just want to win the argument no matter what they have say or do to do it.. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

M_Gunz
01-09-2008, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by LEBillfish:
(as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group)

Yes, even to the point of rescuing any woman who seems happy to be with any guy.
It's a sure sign that her conditioning is wearing off.

Stew278
01-09-2008, 03:52 PM
I've always thought a good solution to women complaining about the toilet seat not being put down would be to get one of those spring loaded ones that you used to see in public restrooms where the seat was automatically in the up position unless you were sitting on it. That way there's no chance of you peeing on it and she knows she needs to lower it before she sits.

M_Gunz
01-09-2008, 03:54 PM
Originally posted by Messaschnitzel:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DuxCorvan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by stalkervision:
"No pero las niñas hacen. ¿Es usted una niña?"

¿Qué? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

¿Qué?, tambien.

When I was a kid, my dad had a talk with me about leaving the lid up. It went something like this: "If your mother has to get up in the middle of the night, and sits in the water instead of on the seat, then she's not going to be happy. If she's not happy, then that will automatically make me not happy."

I have never left the lid up since then. If you are not already in the know, this scores big points with women, even though they may never commend you on it. Same thing goes with always replacing the T.P. when it has run out. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh my, the seat not the lid! If she sits and goes on the lid then boy is someone gonna die!

M_Gunz
01-09-2008, 03:58 PM
Originally posted by stalkervision:
Another thing that drives women totally crazy is scratching your privates when they itch. As all you men well know men's privates itch quite freqently. They were ment to breath and flop freely all over the place as the great apes well know. Want to stop an argument with a lady in mid flight. Start scratching your privates. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif She will soon call you a pig and totally forget what you two were fighting about.. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

LOL -> ROFL -> ROFLMAO! (gasping for breath unable to dial 911)

Hopefully the fire is less hot than the pan, man!

Oh BTW, try Gold Bond. It works like a charm and all tingly as well.

ElAurens
01-09-2008, 04:11 PM
Originally posted by LEBillfish:

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Pigs do fly.

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Messaschnitzel
01-09-2008, 05:21 PM
Originally posted by M_Gunz:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Messaschnitzel:

When I was a kid, my dad had a talk with me about leaving the lid up. It went something like this: "If your mother has to get up in the middle of the night, and sits in the water instead of on the seat, then she's not going to be happy. If she's not happy, then that will automatically make me not happy."

I have never left the lid up since then. If you are not already in the know, this scores big points with women, even though they may never commend you on it. Same thing goes with always replacing the T.P. when it has run out. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif

Oh my, the seat not the lid! If she sits and goes on the lid then boy is someone gonna die! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heh! I meant the seat. It would be too much like the old plastic wrap stretched across the bowl trick.

I saw that happen once in my life when I was at an Irish pub style bar. That place was a drunken madhouse. There was this steady merry go round of people going into the bathroom during the evening, and there was enough urine on the floor to float a bass boat. Someone had stretched plastic wrap across the solitary commode, and the patrons were too drunk to notice or care, had drenched the thing.

I went back out into the common area and looked down at people's shoes, and sure enough, some of the guys had wet shoes. The scary thing was that I would see women standing in line while waiting their turn. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

LEBillfish
01-09-2008, 08:09 PM
You all still don't get the toilet seat thing do you? Whether you:

Leave the seat up....
Leave the seat down....
Leave the lid up....
Leave the lid down....

You is wrong, be sure http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Now about that toothpaste tube....

knightflyte
01-09-2008, 09:22 PM
Is the toilet paper placed on the roller so it goes over the top of the roll or comes from from underneath?

T_O_A_D
01-09-2008, 09:34 PM
Just leave the seat down for her, and fold a couple packets of hot sauce under it aimed at the center, she only thinks she's hot stuff http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

DrHerb
01-09-2008, 09:41 PM
the worst thing she could say to any man is "your father is stupid, just like you"

thats a ticking timebomb there

LEBillfish
01-09-2008, 10:56 PM
Originally posted by knightflyte:
Is the toilet paper placed on the roller so it goes over the top of the roll or comes from from underneath?

That depends upon whether you are a republican or a democrat....Republicans go over the top, democrats go underneath, and those who think they are one or the other yet do it different are socialists....

R_Target
01-09-2008, 11:52 PM
Originally posted by knightflyte:
Is the toilet paper placed on the roller so it goes over the top of the roll or comes from from underneath?

Neither. Just stick a couple rolls on top of the toilet tank. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif Of course you might have to start getting used to preparing your own meals.....

partic_3
01-10-2008, 12:12 AM
Now about that toothpaste tube....
hehe. Now this really is the essential difference between men and women. Chicks always want to put the toothpaste back in the tube and men that this is impossible but at the same time know that you can't tell a woman that. As a wise man once said - "Why do women wear make up and perfume? 'cause they're ugly and they stink." http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

jadger
01-10-2008, 12:12 AM
Originally posted by LEBillfish:
How rediculous....Everyone knows the best game we play is called "relationships" or secretly known as (as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group) "men are worms".....The best thing in life is to "Crush a <STRIKE>worm</STRIKE>...err man, see them driven before you, and hear their lamentations."

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Hey, us guys know that game to, but we call it "I'm sorry, I was wrong"


Neither. Just stick a couple rolls on top of the toilet tank. Of course you might have to start getting used to preparing your own meals.....

They don't need to be on the roller, as long as they are hidden in a doily that matches the rest of the room's decor.

buzzsaw1939
01-10-2008, 12:31 AM
Originally posted by partic_3:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Now about that toothpaste tube....
hehe. Now this really is the essential difference between men and women. Chicks always want to put the toothpaste back in the tube and men that this is impossible but at the same time know that you can't tell a woman that. As a wise man once said - "Why do women wear make up and perfume? 'cause they're ugly and they stink." http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif... ow!.... owch.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif... hey..stop it... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/1072.gif.. guess I gotta go now!

flyingloon
01-10-2008, 06:18 AM
Originally posted by Skunk_438RCAF:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by jadger:
just leave the seat up, it's funny when they don't look and fall in http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

Funny maybe, but do you ever eat out? Consider THAT the next time you see your wife fall in. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

good point, well made. that plus their forms of vengence are usually more subtle and creative...

Worf101
01-10-2008, 06:46 AM
Originally posted by LEBillfish:
How rediculous....Everyone knows the best game we play is called "relationships" or secretly known as (as you all do know all us women secretly conspire against you as a group) "men are worms".....The best thing in life is to "Crush a <STRIKE>worm</STRIKE>...err man, see them driven before you, and hear their lamentations."

....and it won't change till <STRIKE>men</STRIKE> fly...err I mean pigs, yea, pigs http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

CROM!!!!!!!!

"I'm no Ku****e Dog! I'm a full blooded Prince of Zimbabwe!"

"I'll make you a full blodded Prince of Hell!"

Da Worfster

Worf101
01-10-2008, 06:48 AM
Originally posted by stalkervision:
Another thing that drives women totally crazy is scratching your privates when they itch. As all you men well know men's privates itch quite freqently. They were ment to breath and flop freely all over the place as the great apes well know. Want to stop an argument with a lady in mid flight. Start scratching your privates. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif She will soon call you a pig and totally forget what you two were fighting about.. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Yarrrrgh!!!!! Stop it, I'm dying. LOL... Scuze me I gots to check my package.

"Why do you black fellahs check your privates so much?"

"Cause you don't stole everything else muthaf**ker."

Richard Pryor

Da Worfster

stalkervision
01-10-2008, 09:42 AM
believe me women soon get immune to all your other defenses but this one always works. It's called "unconventional warfare.." http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Airmail109
01-10-2008, 10:03 AM
Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.

Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole ****in' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ***, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bull****. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.


Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to ****. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.

waffen-79
01-10-2008, 10:18 AM
Originally posted by Aimail101:
Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.
....

AIRMAIL wisdom



You forgot to say mate, that all that makes her LOVE you insanely

that's gold right there lads

SeaFireLIV
01-10-2008, 11:34 AM
Originally posted by Aimail101:
Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.

Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole ****in' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ***, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bull****. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.


Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to ****. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.

And that`s how you get a girl to want you even more. No, I`m serious! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif

gedunkman
01-10-2008, 07:33 PM
S~
About the toilet paper issue, after I got married I got nailed early on about the proper procedure..over the top..for changing toilet paper..since then whenever the roll started getting low, I just grabbed a new one from the drawer used what I needed and tossed it back from whence it came..havent had to change a roll in 15 odd years..heh heh I feel pretty good about that..like I have done something for mankind good and noble..

KG66_Gog
01-10-2008, 07:50 PM
Women, can't live with them, can't kill them!

There is an old saying here in Australia,

"If Gumtree's had @#$%*, we'd all live in the bush!"

Bout' sums it all up really. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif