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Korolov
11-20-2004, 02:55 PM
The plane you're turning with will always outturn you.
The plane you're trying to dive with will always outdive you.
The plane you're trying to outrun will always outrun you.
The plane you're trying to outgun will always have more guns than you.
Your weapons will jam at the most unfortunate moments.
Your wingman is never around to cover you.
Your flight leader will always be the first to die.
You will always die after your flight leader.
Your aircraft's maximum ceiling is lower than the aircraft you're chasing.
When there is only one bandit, half your team will die from colliding in attempt to get the kill.
When there are many bandits, the rest of your team will choose only one target to shoot at.
Flak will always hit you at the most improbable shots and at the most inconvienient times.
Your bombs will always miss by a small margin and you'll be shot down before you can try rockets.
After you score a bunch of kills, you will fail landing approach.
The enemy aircraft are always higher than you.
Your teammates are always lower than you.
You're always the first one to be shot at.
A enemy aircraft on fire will always draw fire.
A enemy aircraft untouched will always be ignored.
Your chances of a kill are proportional to the importance of the target and how much ammo you have.
The enemy aircraft will take many hits to bring down.
Your aircraft only needs one hit to bring it down.
Rookies make better wingmen than Veterans.
Pilots who say "n00b" often are worthless in a real fight.
The enemy plane will always have boost and WEP availible at all times.
Your plane will be overheating and losing oil at all times.
Your airfield will always be pinned down by vultures.
Your vultures will always be pinned down by enemy fighters.
Your flak won't hit the broadside of a barn.
The game will pause just as you get the perfect shot on that bandit.
The map will change the moment you almost score your 5th kill for that sortie.
The enemy fighter behind you always has ammo.
The enemy fighter in front of you always has more guns.
The enemy fighter above you has a 30mm cannon.
The enemy fighter below you has a rear gunner.
Requests for localized air superiority always fall on deaf ears.
Air superiority will only last for 5 minutes over the target.
If you win a fight, your opponent will always give a excuse for being shot down.
If you lose a fight, your opponent will always rub it in.
After you've been shot down, your teammates will suddenly arrive and blast your opponent to his/her component atoms.
While you're escorting bombers, you'll always draw fire.
While you're flying a bomber, you'll always be the center of attention for the entire enemy team.
Your escort will never be there when you need them.
Your gun turrets will never be able to track the bandit, who is right behind you, tearing a hole in your rear end.
You will be killed the moment you hop into the gunner seat.
No maneuver in the book will save your hide when someone gets on your six.
The enemy will always see you from 10 klicks out.
You never see the enemy till they're 5 meters behind you.
Your wingman will have warned you 5 minutes before to "check six."
You will always be loaded with bombs when enemy aircraft presence is high.
You will never have any bombs when enemy ground targets are numerous.
The amount of fuel you have is proportional to how much you need it.
CAS will always be performed by weak, shortrange, lightweight fighter/interceptors.
CAP will always be performed by strong, longrange, heavyweight fighter/bombers.
Interception will always be performed by bombers.
The important objectives are always simple.
The simple objectives are always hard.
The easy objectives are always guarded by flying 30mm cannons.
When in doubt, run.

MaxMhz
11-20-2004, 03:00 PM
roflmao - realy

... and then you spell your name wrong Korlov :P

Korolov
11-20-2004, 03:01 PM
I am tha Korlov. Be sure!

Sir.Robin-1337
11-20-2004, 03:04 PM
None of that applies to the Mustang. Get your facts right.

Korolov
11-20-2004, 03:24 PM
For the Mustang, reverse the rules.

Sir.Robin-1337
11-20-2004, 04:23 PM
Flying and fighting in the mustang.

The plane you're turning with will always stall before you do.
The plane you're trying to dive with will always break apart before you do.
You Will never have to out run planes
The plane you're trying to outgun will always haveslower firing, lower velocity weapons.
This game doesn't model gun jamming.
Yo don't need a wingman.
Your flight leader will always be the first to get 5 kills.
You will always die after you have *****d over 1000 points.
Your aircraft's maximum ceiling is higher than the aircraft you're chasing.
When there is only one bandit, half your team will die because they weren't flying Mustangs.
When there are many bandits, the rest of your team will die because they didn't choose Mustangs.
Flak will only hit you if you are stupid enough to fly over it.
Ground pounding is a cheap way of point whoring.
After you score a bunch of kills, you will land and cash them in for points.
The enemy aircraft are always lower than you.
Your teammates are not smart enough to fly Mustangs.
You're always the first one to shoot.
A enemy aircraft on fire will always draw fire.
A enemy aircraft untouched will always be ignored.
Your chances of a kill are very high in a Mustang.
The enemy aircraft will take few hits to bring down.
Your Aircraft will never be hit.
Wingmen are for poor pilots.
Pilots who say "n00b" don't fly the Mustang.
The enemy plane will have a poor performing plane.
Your plane will never overheat if you keep radiator OPEN
Your will always shoot down vultures.
Your vultures will die because they didn't fly Mustangs, and they flew over flak.
You don't need flak to protect you.
The game will pause after you kill someone, so that everyone may reflect upon your superiority
The map will change the moment you have *****d all the points to be *****d.
No enemy fighter will get behind you.
The enemy fighter in front of you isabout to die.
The enemy fighter above you has a slower firing weapon with less ammo.
The enemy fighter below you has a bullet magnet in the rear.
Requests for localized air superiority are none of your concern, you point ***** alone..
Air superiority will only end when you leave the game.
When you win a fight, it will be because you fly the best.
If you lose a fight, you were flying with your gewar out.
After you've been shot down, you will remember to map the gear key.
While you're escorting bombers, you will realize the error of your ways, and climb to point ***** alone.
When you are forced to fly bombers, you leave the game.
You don't need escort.
You don't need rear gunners.
You will shoot someone down the moment you take off.
No maneuver in the book will save your enemy.
The enemy will always see you from their rubber dingy.
You never see the enemy they spawn.
Your wingman will leave you to point ***** alone like a good mustang driver.
You will never load with bombs. Ground pounding is a cheap way of point whoring.
You will never have any bombs.
The amount of fuel you have is more than the enemies.
CAS will always be performed by weak, shortrange, lightweight fighter/interceptors, but this is none of your concern.
CAP will always be performed by strong, longrange, heavyweight fighter/bombers, but this is none of your concern.
Interception will always be performed by you.
The important objectives are a) point ***** b) point ***** 3) point *****.
The simple objectives are easy. Point whoring takes no effort in the mustang.
The easy objectives are always guarded by flying 30mm cannons, which are slower firing guns than yours.
When in doubt, fly the mustang.

georgeo76
11-20-2004, 04:24 PM
Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...


...always look on the bright side of life!


Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...



Come on!


Always look on the bright side of life...


For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!


So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of ****,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!


And always look on the bright side of life...


Always look on the bright side of life

Daiichidoku
11-20-2004, 04:28 PM
Korolev......it would be funny, because its SO true...everything you said...but its sad

Korolov
11-20-2004, 05:19 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sir.Robin-1337:
Flying and fighting in the mustang.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Right on, Robin!

Flat_foot
11-20-2004, 06:13 PM
"While you're flying a bomber, you'll always be the center of attention for the entire enemy team.
Your escort will never be there when you need them" So True.

VF-29_Sandman
11-20-2004, 07:06 PM
bombers...another definition for: flying suicide

Atomic_Marten
11-20-2004, 07:17 PM
Tough time online, heh? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

MaxMhz
11-20-2004, 07:52 PM
I wonder what Dave would say...

Happy landing ? :

http://members.home.nl/maxmhz/happylanding.jpg

NorrisMcWhirter
11-20-2004, 08:02 PM
Hi,

You missed one out:

When flying in turbulence, your opponent will never have a FFB joystick, like you do, which foils any attempt to hit your target.

Of course, if you are in Mustang, FFB & turbulence is a bonus as it means you don't even have to move the stick to perform your usual trick of a hopeful 30 seconds worth of spray and pray from 1.5km out resulting in a kill because you landed two .50 cal hits.

Cheers,
norris

Korolov
11-20-2004, 08:47 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Atomic_Marten:
Tough time online, heh? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually it's looking at everything in the game from the most pessimistic point of view possible. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Eagle_361st
11-21-2004, 12:50 AM
You guys are all still wrong. Here is the way it really is.

Flying and fighting in the Jug.

The plane you're chasing will always runaway before you do.
The plane you're trying to dive with will always break apart before you do.
You Will never have to out run planes
The plane you're trying to outgun will always have slower firing, lower velocity weapons.
This game doesn't model gun jamming.
It's good to have a wingman.
Your flight will always be the first to get 5 kills.
You will always live after you have *****d over 1000 points.
Your aircraft's maximum ceiling is higher than the aircraft you're chasing.
When there is only one bandit, half your team will die because they weren't flying Jug's.
When there are many bandits, the rest of your team will die because they didn't choose Jug's.
Flak will always hit, but who cares, as long as it's not rifle fire you are fine.
Ground pounding is a fun way of point whoring.
After you score a bunch of kills, you will land and cash them in for points.
The enemy aircraft are always lower than you.
Your enemy is not smart enough to fly the Jug.
You're always the first one to shoot.
A enemy aircraft on fire is always from you.
A enemy aircraft untouched will always be next.
Your chances of a kill are very high in a Jug.
The enemy aircraft will take few hits to bring down.
Your Aircraft will always be hit.
Wingmen are for good pilots.
Pilots who say "n00b"fly the Ki-84c.
The enemy plane will be a poor performing plane.
Your plane will never overheat if you keep the radiator OPEN
Your will always shoot down vultures.
Your vultures will die because they didn't fly Jug's, and they flew over flak.
You don't need flak to protect you.
The game will pause after you kill someone, so that everyone may reflect upon your superiority
The map will change the moment you have *****d all the points to be *****d.
No enemy fighter will get behind you.
The enemy fighter in front of you is about to die.
The enemy fighter above you has a slower firing weapon with less ammo.
The enemy fighter below you has a bullet magnet in the cockpit.
Requests for localized air superiority are a given when Jug's are around.
Air superiority will only end when you leave the game.
When you win a fight, it will be because you fly the best.
If you lose a fight, the other guy was cheating or flying a Jug.
After you've been shot down, you will remember to map the gear key.
While you're escorting bombers, you will realize the error of your ways, and pounce the n00bs trying to fly right behind the bomber stream.
When you are forced to fly bombers, you go and dogfight a Yak.
You don't need escort.
You don't need rear gunners.
You will shoot someone down the moment you take off.
No maneuver in the book will save your enemy.
The enemy will always see you from their rubber dingy.
You never see the enemy they spawn.
Your wingman will always be ready to clean up what you leave for him.
Bomb's are fun to drop on the enemies latreen.
You will never have any rockets.
The amount of fuel you have is more than the enemies.
CAS will always be performed by weak, shortrange, lightweight fighter/interceptors, but this is none of your concern.
CAP will always be performed by strong, longrange, heavyweight fighter/bombers, but this is none of your concern.
Interception will always be performed by you.
The important objectives are a) kill the other guy b) His friend 3) His mom.
The simple objectives are easy. Killing the other guy is as easy as pulling the trigger.
The easy objectives are always guarded by flying 30mm cannons, which are slower firing guns than yours.
When in doubt, fly the Jug.

Now you all know the REAL thruth. FACT

Korolov
11-21-2004, 01:16 AM
Next guy who hijacks my thread gets this:

http://www.mechmodels.com/fbstuff/crazyivan_ban.jpg

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

Eagle_361st
11-21-2004, 02:19 AM
Bring it holmes. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif BTW I am still right.

Daiichidoku
11-21-2004, 03:55 AM
There are 2 rules for flying the Jug that was missed...


For all the manuvering you can do in the Jug to AVOID getting hit by up to 37mm shells that can be aborsed by the body, is in direct inverse proportion to how many single 7.7mm, 7.9mm and .303 strikes on the mill that cause it to give up the ghost faster than snot backwards

and

Your climb rate from sea level will always increase as your sweating out the long trip to 4,000m minimum without being bounced by a "yappy dog" (ac type of high manuverabilty and climb) reduces the aircraft weight by virture of the sweat lost

ImpStarDuece
11-21-2004, 04:12 AM
Koro and Eagle,

i have now printed out the "Laws of Dogfighting" and stuck them:
A)On my computer
B)Beside my computer
C)Under my joystick
D) On the toilet door
E) On the fridge door
F) On my TV screen
G) On my mirrored bedroom ceiling (classy, i know)
H) To my forehead http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Now class repeat after me "Real men flight in straight lines" "I must not turn in my Jug, I must not turn in my Jug, I must not turn in my Jug"

Good work fellas, its only funny because its true.

Fennec_P
11-21-2004, 04:19 AM
Don't forget:

The size of your control cables is inversely proportional to your opponents firepower.

ImpStarDuece
11-21-2004, 04:45 AM
When you have the element of suprise your first burst will always miss
Your enemies first burst will never miss
You will always run out of ammo as you enter a furball
Your wingmen are incompetent
Their wingmen are leathal
Your wingman will ALWAYS fly with his navigation lights on
There is never enough altitude to dive in

Tully__
11-21-2004, 05:56 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ImpStarDuece:
...
Your wingmen are incompetent
Their wingmen are leathal
... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Slight reword and re-order:

Their wingmen are lethal.
Your wingmen are incompetent and lethal to you. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

ImpStarDuece
11-21-2004, 06:07 AM
Tully... i like it http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

FlatSpinMan
11-21-2004, 09:40 AM
Korolev, that was an inspired post, had me laughing my censored area at the rear off http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif! i feel your pain for having your genius ripped off but at least console yourself that it was ripped off WELL! i loved the 'Stang and Jug parodies,too.
Good post. Liked it http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif.

Sir.Robin-1337
11-21-2004, 10:57 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MaxMhz:
I wonder what Dave would say...

Happy landing ?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Excellent hi-jacking technique.

ElAurens
11-21-2004, 04:11 PM
Sir.Robin-1337 is teh RayBanJockey.

crazyivan1970
11-21-2004, 05:05 PM
Doubt it... EL

WTE_Galway
11-21-2004, 06:00 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Korolov:
Your chances of a kill are proportional to the importance of the target and how much ammo you have <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

inversely proportional for the importance of target methinks http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Korolov
11-21-2004, 06:13 PM
More importance = less likely to kill
Less importance = more likely to kill

RobertNighthawk
11-21-2004, 06:27 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by crazyivan1970:
Doubt it... EL <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

You'd know if it were Ray. We all would. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

RAF__Swede51
11-21-2004, 08:24 PM
S!
Right on M8.. lol

I had this to say to Murphy regarding Il-2 some time back;

Hey Murphy, check this out..

Hyperlobby Laws for Il-2FB :

There is always someone behind you.

Whatever plane you fly, the other guy is faster.

However hard you turn and burn, the other guy can turn better.

However high you fly, someone is higher and will spot you.

Just when you finally do get a good firing solution, you run out of gas.

You never have enough ammo. What ammo you do have gets wasted shooting where the other guy isn€t.

Don€t bother trying to land your crippled plane. That guy above you will spot you and shoot you down.

If you miss on the first pass, the other guy won€t miss.

How the heck did TWO of €˜em get behind me?

Where the Heck is my wingman?

Of coarse yours is far more elliquent.. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

sunflower1
11-21-2004, 10:17 PM
"The enemy fighter below you has a rear gunner."

Is this what I have to look forward to?

Paranoia?!

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Korolov
11-21-2004, 10:58 PM
It keeps you alive. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Sir.Robin-1337
11-22-2004, 04:06 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by crazyivan1970:
Doubt it... EL <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


SO you are the sherrif around these parts....

gombal40
11-22-2004, 06:24 AM
great stuff Korolov

may this one apply's aswell
After a blood and guts mission , comming home with only gas fumes and a hope and prayer, you lucky enough to land in 1 piece. Only just when u want to press escape you find out that you stopped on a respawn point... the LOUD way.