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Airmail109
03-06-2005, 08:13 AM
The Ballad of Brave Sir.Robin http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

Bravely bold Sir.Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir.Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir.Robin!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir.Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off

Brave Sir.Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir.Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir.Robin!

He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge...

(from monty python)

you can here the song here http://www.stmoroky.com/sirrobin/song.htm

GrinderX9
03-06-2005, 08:50 AM
lol http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

I love monty python.

MEGILE
03-06-2005, 10:34 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif Sir.Robin

zdenkaxx1
03-06-2005, 10:44 AM
"were knights of the round table,we dance whenever were able,we do dance routines ,chorus scenes,we look quite im pec able,were quite well fed in camalot we have ham and jam and spamalot"
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

NORAD_Zooly10
03-06-2005, 01:49 PM
welcome to castle Anthrax
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif
~S~
Zooly
(now La7_Zooly)

Beuf_Ninja
03-06-2005, 03:20 PM
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of Elderberries! I laugh at you Engleesh with your Spotted Deek. No, you cannot see our Grail.I fart in your general direcsheeon!
And let's not forget Naughty Zoot hmmm.

PBNA-Boosher
03-06-2005, 03:41 PM
Ni!

Airmail109
03-06-2005, 03:44 PM
Lot of Python fans here! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Beuf_Ninja
03-06-2005, 03:45 PM
It's just a flesh wound!

MarkGos
03-06-2005, 07:32 PM
I always liked the scene with Sir Galahad being saved from certain temptation by Sir Lancelot.

And after the spanking comes the oral Sex.!!!!

And we must have some video to go with the song

http://www.spiteyourface.com/python.html

zdenkaxx1
03-06-2005, 08:06 PM
eyay jesu dominae,dona aeis recquium (THUMP)
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

knightflyte
03-06-2005, 10:27 PM
You bastiges took ALL the best lines and left me with.....


"I'm not dead yet.... I feel happy.... no really I'm feeling better already."


OR


The Royal handgrenade.
Thou shalt count to 3.
Not 1 nor 2, but 3.
4 is definatly out of the question.


And I don't know why but I still chuckle thinking of the king and his men trip tropping off with their "steeds" to the clapping of coconut shells.


I gotta go rent that.

ImpStarDuece
03-06-2005, 11:26 PM
Eric Idle is currently involved in the final stages of 'Monty Python'S Search For The Holy Grail; The Musical'. Girls, Holy Hand Grenades, Girls, David Hyde Pierce, Girls, Hank Azaria, strange sheep references, insulting people of French type persuasion and girls!

crazyivan1970
03-06-2005, 11:28 PM
Man, this community is probably the most talented one out there http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

AlmightyTallest
03-07-2005, 12:03 AM
A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-holy-hand-grenade.jpg

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-one-two-five.jpg

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-boom.jpg


Holy Handgrenade of Antioch, Nuff said lol http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Blackdog5555
03-07-2005, 12:06 AM
"None Shall Pass"

"But you dont have any legs or arms"

or...

What is your favorite color?

red no blue no ahhhhhhhhh!

or...

Its just a rabbit!

LMAO,,

AlmightyTallest
03-07-2005, 12:10 AM
LOL, this is one funny thread http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-bunny.jpg

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-attack.jpg

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/ra/21-08.ra

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/21-gore.jpg

VF51_Flatspin
03-07-2005, 01:08 AM
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

or one of my favorites:

He must be a King.
How d'you know?
He hasn't got $hit all over him.

F19_Ob
03-07-2005, 01:49 AM
A good godnightsong for kids too.
Used to sing it every night after reading a story when my boy was around five. He loved it. He ofcourse understood nothing of the text but I made a
swedish version with some farting goblins thrown in.

Wonder what he will say when he gets older and discover what bedtime songs his dad used to sing? I'm sure he atleast will enjoy the movie http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

-HH-Dubbo
03-07-2005, 02:01 AM
FATHER:
Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
FATHER:
No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
FATHER:
No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
And you'll come and get him.
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.
FATHER:
No, no. Leaving the room.
GUARD #1:
Leaving the room. Yes.
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right.
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
FATHER:
Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1:
Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
FATHER:
Look, it's quite simple.
GUARD #1:
Uh...
FATHER:
You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
FATHER:
N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he--
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him--
FATHER:
No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--
GUARD #1:
Until you or anyone else--
FATHER:
No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1:
Just you.
FATHER:
Get back.
GUARD #1:
Get back.
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
FATHER:
And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
What?
FATHER:
Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
The Prince?
FATHER:
Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #1:
Ah. I thought you meant him.(GUARD #2) You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.
FATHER:
Is that clear?
GUARD #1:
Oh, quite clear. No problems.
FATHER:
Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1:
We're coming with you.
FATHER:
No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I see. Right.
HERBERT:
But Father!
FATHER:
Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
[music]
And no singing!
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

knightflyte
03-07-2005, 02:52 AM
Almighty Tallest,

Mine was the new english abridged version. (or if you prefer: bastardized) http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Is Monty Python and the Holy Grail on DVD?

Sir.Robin-1337
03-07-2005, 03:55 AM
Propaganda.

InyerEye
03-07-2005, 05:44 AM
Knightflyte,Yes its on dvd.A two disc set.

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

flyingscampi
03-07-2005, 05:54 AM
My favorite scene:

Arthur: Old woman!

Dennis: Man!

Arthur: Man, sorry... What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis: I'm 37!

Arthur: What?

Dennis: I'm 37, I'm not old!

Arthur: Well I can't just call you "Man"...

Dennis: You could say "Dennis"...

Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?

Arthur: I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind you looked...

Dennis: (interrupting) What I object to is your automatically treatin' me like an inferior!

Arthur: Well I AM king...

Dennis: Oh, King, eh? Oh, very nice... And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever gonna be any progress in our society...

Woman: Denny, there's some lovely filth down here!
[Noticing Arthur] Oh! How d'you do?

Arthur: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?

Woman: King of the who?

Arthur: The Britons.

Woman: Who are the Britons?

Arthur: Well we all are... We are all Britons... And I am your king.

Woman: I didn't know we had a king... I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis: You're foolin' yourself. We're livin' in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes...

Woman: (interrupting) Oh there you go, bringing class into it again...

Dennis: That's what it's all about! If only people would...

Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Woman: No one lives there.

Arthur: Then who is your lord?

Woman: We don't have a lord.

Arthur: What?

Dennis: I told you. We're an anarcho-cynicalist commune. We take it in turns to sort of act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

Arthur: Yes.

Dennis: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

Arthur: Yes I see.

Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major...

Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

Arthur: I am your king!

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!

Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

[Angelic music plays...]

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king!

Dennis: (interrupting) Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a
mandate from the masses, not from some farcicial aquatic ceremony!

Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: Oh but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Arthur: SHUT UP!

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Arthur: SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP! [Grabs Dennis]

Dennis: Ah! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!

Arthur: SHUT UP!

Dennis: Oh, come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Arthur: (muttering) Bloody peasant!

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it, didn't you?

-HH- Beebop
03-07-2005, 06:56 AM
Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man: Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody

Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife: I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

WOLFMondo
03-07-2005, 07:00 AM
"I bet your gay!"

TgD Thunderbolt56
03-07-2005, 07:08 AM
I have all these movies and have been continuously giggling at these posts...but Flatspin's is the one I was going to post myself.


LOL...He must be king! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif


TB

AlmightyTallest
03-07-2005, 09:15 AM
LOL, I'm with you Tunderbolt, this thread gives me a laugh with every new post.

Want to break the ice in any situation? Just say a few Monty Python catch phrases and you'll be making friends in no time! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif


"Watery women laying in ponds giving out swords is no basis for a system of government!"



http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/13-head-knight.jpg
"We are no longer the knights who say ni! we are now the knights who say ickyickyickyboomshebangwano."

Airmail109
03-07-2005, 09:42 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sir.Robin-1337:
Propaganda. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL i remembered the song and thought it would be remarkably appropiate! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

OMG i think i have realised who Sir.Robin is.....the long absent Kurfurst.....your sig is similar!!!!!!

I love the line in the life of brian "Your ****in nicked my son!"....classic http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

and the scene with the emperor......"Whats wong with the name...Bigus Dickus.....I have a great fwend Wome called Bigus Dickus!"........"He has a wife u know.....her names Incontenia Buttocks" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

-HH-Dubbo
03-08-2005, 05:04 AM
Page 2?? That's won't do. Not at all. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?



Singing...

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The end.

Cyril Connelly?
No; semi-carnally!
Oh.

Cyril Connelly.

GreyFox5
03-08-2005, 10:44 AM
Nee!

Take the Quiz! http://quizilla.com/users/jackee/quizzes/What%20Monty%20Python%20Character%20are%20you%3F/

Airmail109
03-08-2005, 11:03 AM
Apparently im the rabbit! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/J/jackee/1037956129_s12--rabit.jpg

OMG ive found my first sig! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Sir.Robin-1337
03-08-2005, 11:30 AM
http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/J/jackee/1037956181_-sir-robin.jpg

Airmail109
03-08-2005, 11:32 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif Kurfurst!!!!!!!!

MEGILE
03-08-2005, 11:39 AM
Robin, you have taunted me a second time.
Prepare to die!

Fish6891
03-08-2005, 06:38 PM
I am the noble and bloodthirsty Sir Lancelot
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

LeadSpitter_
03-08-2005, 06:41 PM
whos sir bobbins

Heuristic_ALgor
03-09-2005, 01:50 AM
http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/images/dennis.gif

The Ballad of Dennis Moore-England, 1747


Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, galloping through the sward,
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, and his horse Concorde.
He steals from the rich, he gives to the poor,
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dumdum alum the night.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dun de dun dum plight.
He steals dumdum dun
And dumdum dum dee
Dennis dun, Dennis dee, dum dum dum.

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the night.
Soon every lupin in the land
Will be in his mighty hand
He steals them from the rich
And gives them to the poor
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Without a merry band
He steals from the poor.
And gives to the rich
Stupid b i t c h.

http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/images/ladies.jpg
(Women's Institute applause)

tHeBaLrOgRoCkS
03-09-2005, 03:44 AM
Its only a model!

PBNA-Boosher
03-09-2005, 05:03 AM
That's my favorite one Beebop, my favorite one

NORAD_Zooly10
03-09-2005, 06:53 AM
personally i think The Life of Brian was the best Python flick.
Do we have a Brian of Nazereth here?
i'm Brian, no i'm Brian, I'm Brian and so is my wife http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif (best line in the movie)

AlmightyTallest
03-09-2005, 09:16 AM
LMAO!!

You know, I didn't even see that movie until only 2 years ago. How could I have missed Life of Brian all those years!?

My uncle told me about it so I had to see it for myself, a really funny movie, and they somehow even had an intergalactic space battle scene in there with Brian LOL!

Didn't Brian end up falling in the exact same place that the UFO picked him up at? lol

Raptor_20thFG
03-09-2005, 09:20 AM
Have you any Shrubrees



Forgive my spelling I like life of Brian

Saunders1953
03-09-2005, 09:39 AM
"No t'isnt, it's only a flesh wound."

"Did he say 'Blessed are the Cheesemakers'???"

There really are just too many lines in these two movies alone to pick THE best/funniest ones. Might as well post the whole script(s).

Funny, but at 17 I didn't really appreciate the TV Show when they broadcast it in the States in 1970, but then I never appreciated The Prisoner the first time around either. Two years later and I couldn't believe how insightful and clever (and funny in the case of MP) those shows had miraculously become.

D-XXI
03-09-2005, 12:19 PM
I love this thread. Keep going or I will say "NI".

I want another shrubbery.

Monty_Thrud
03-09-2005, 12:34 PM
STOP IT!..STOP IT!...we'll have none of this frivolity here... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif


THE SWALLOWS
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> The film begins. Out of a dense fog trots Arthur, accompanied on two
empty coconut halves by his trusty servant, Patsy. They approach a
castle. Suddenly a guard appears atop a high rampart.

Guard: Halt! Who goes there?
Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.
King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
Guard: Who's the other one?
Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length
and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my
court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Guard: What, ridden on a horse?
Arthur: Yes.
Guard: You're using coconuts!
Arthur: What?
Guard: You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em
together!
Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land.
Through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts?
Arthur: (somewhat taken aback) We found them.
Guard: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
Arthur: What do you mean?
Guard: This is a temperate zone!
Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house maarten or the
plummer may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers
to our land!
Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
Arthur: Not at all! They could be carried.
Guard: (indcredulous) What, a swallow, carrying a coconut?
Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
Guard: It's not a question of where 'e grips it! It's a simple question of
weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could *not* carry a one-pound
coconut!
Arthur: (exasperated)
Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur
from the court of Camelot is here!

(pause)

Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to
beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

Arthur: Please!
Guard: (patiently) Am I right.
Arthur: I'm not interested!

( A second guard appears on the rampart. )

G2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
G1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's
my point.
G2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
Arthur: (extremely exasperated) Will you ask your master if he wants to join
my court at Camelot!!

(pause)

G1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
G2: Oh yeah...

(Arthur and Patsy give up and trot away)

G1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
G2: Wait a minute! Supposing *two* swallows carried it together!
G1: Nooo..... They'd have to have it on a line...
G2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
G1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
G2: Well, why not?



<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Life of Brian
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Brian is hauled into Pilate's audience chamber. It is big and impressive,
although a certain amount of redecorating is underway. The Centurion salutes.)

Centurion: Hail Caesar.
Pilate: Hail Caesar.
Centurion: Only one survivor, Sir.
Pilate: Thwow him to the floor.
Centurion: What, Sir?
Pilate: Thwow him to the floor.
Centurion: Ah!
(He motions to the two Roman guards, who throw Brian to the ground.)
Pilate: Now, what is your name, Jew?
Brian: Brian.
Pilate: Bwian, eh?
Brian: (trying to be helpful) No, *Brian*.
(The Centurion cuffs him.)
Pilate: The little wascal has thpiwit.
Centurion: Has what, sir?
Pilate: *THPIWIT*.
Centurion: Yes, he did, sir.
Pilate: No, no, thpiwit...bwavado...a touch of dewwing-do.
Centurion: (still not really understanding) Ah. About eleven, sir.
Pilate: (to Brian) So you dare to waid uth.
Brian: (rising to his feet) To what?
Pilate: Stwike him, centuwion, vewwy woughly.
Centurion: And throw him to the floor, Sir?
Pilate: What?
Centurion: THWOW him to the floor again, Sir?
Pilate: Oh, yeth. Thwow him to the floor.
(The Centurion knocks Brian hard on the side of the head again and
the two guards throw him to the floor.)
Pilate: Now, Jewith wapscallion.
Brian: I'm not Jewish ... I'm a Roman!
Pilate: *WOMAN*?
Brian: No, *ROMAN*.
(But he's not quick enough to avoid another blow from the Centurion.)
Pilate: Tho, your father was a *WOMAN*. Who wath he?
Brian: (proudly) He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison.
Pilate: Oh. What was his name?
Brian: Nortius Maximus.

(An involuntary titter arises from the Centurion.)

Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
Centurion: Well...no, sir.
Pilate: You sound vewwy sure...have you checked?
Centurion: Well...no, sir. I think it's a joke, sir...like...Sillius
Soddus, or...Biggus Dickus.
Pilate: What's so funny about Bigguth Dickuth?
Centurion: Well,...it's a...a joke name, sir.
Pilate: I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Bigguth Dickuth.

(Involuntary laughter from a nearby guard surprises Pilate.)

Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewwy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

(The guard tries to stop giggling. Pilate turns away from him. He is angry.)

Brian: Can I go now sir...
(The Centurion strikes him.)
Pilate: Wait till Bigguth hears of this!

(The guard immediately breaks up again. Pilate turns on him.)

Pilate: Wight! Centuwion...take him away.
Centurion: Oh sir, he only....
Pilate: I want him fighting wabid wild animals within a week.
Centurion: Yes, sir.
(He starts to drag out the wretched guard. Brian notices that
little attention is being paid to him.)
Pilate: I will not have my fwendth widiculed by the common tholdiewy.
(He walks slowly towards the other guards.)
Pilate: Now...anyone else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwend-
(He goes right up to one of the guards.)
Biggus ... Dickus. He has a wife you know.
(The guards tense up.)
Called Incontinentia.
(The guards relax.)
Incontinentia Buttockth!
(The guards fall about laughing. Brian takes advantage of the
chaos to slip away.)
Thilenth! I've had enough of this wowdy webel behaviour. Thtop it!
You call yourselves Pawaetonian guards? Thilence!
(But the guards are all hysterical by now. Pilate notices
Brian escaping.)
You cwowd of cwacking-up cweeps. Theize him! Blow your noses and
theize him! Oh, my bum.


<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The Stoning
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> (The Stoning Place. A Jewish OFFICIAL stands there, with some helpers,
confronting the potential stonee, MATTHIAS. A large crowd watches. 90% are
women in beards. Around the perimeter are a few Roman troops.)

Official: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath ...
Matthias: (to Official's Helper): Do I say "Yes"?
Official's Helper: Yes.
Matthias: Yes.
Official: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the
name of our Lord and so as a blasphemer you are to be stoned to
death.
Matthias: Look, I'd had a lovely supper and all I said to my wife was, "That
piece
Official: Blasphemy! He's said it again.
Women: Yes, he did.
Official: Did you hear him?
Women: Yes we did. Really.
Official: (suspiciously) Are there any women here today?

(The women all shake their heads. The Official faces Matthias again.)

Official: Very well, by virtue of the authority vested in me ...

(One of the women throws a stone and it hits Matthias on the knee.)

Matthias: Ow. Lay off. We haven't started yet.
Official: (turning around) Come on, who threw that?

(Silence.)
Who threw that stone? Come on.
Women: (pointing to the culprit, keeping their voices as low in pitch as
they can)
She did.
*He did.*
He. Him.
Culprit: (very deep voice) Sorry, I thought we'd started.
Official: Go to the back.
Culprit: Oh dear.
(disappointedly goes to back)
Official: There's always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? ...
Matthias: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying
"Jehovah!"

(Sensation!!!! The women gasp.)

Women: (high voices) He said it again.
(low voices) He said it again.
Official: (to Matthias) You're only making it worse for yourself.
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.

(Great Sensation!!!!!!)

Official: I'm warning you. If you say "Jehovah" once more ...
(He gasps at his error and claps his hand over his mouth. A stone
hits him on the side of the head. He reacts.)
Right! Who threw that?
Women: (high voices)
It was her.
It was *him*.
(low voices)
It was him.
Official: Was it you?
Culprit: Yes.
Official: All right.
Culprit: Well, you did say "Jehovah."

(The women all shriek and throw stones at her from very close range. She falls
to the ground stunned. Quick cut of Romans reacting. They shake their heads
and mutter to each other.)

Official: Stop that. Stop it, will you stop that. Now look, no one is to
stone anyone until I blow this whistle. *Even*...and I want to
make this absolutely clear...*even* if they *do* say "Jehovah."

(There is a pause. Then all the women throw stones at the Official and he
goes down in a heap. Five women carry a huge rock, run up and drop it on the
Official. Everyone claps. The guards sadly shake their heads.)

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wonderful race the Romans http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

dugong
03-09-2005, 06:13 PM
This story is absolutely true. It happened around 82' or so when I was in middle school.

We had just finished watching MP and The Holy Grail. Afterwards, my buddy George and I (who I think went on to become a stripper) went to my backyard to play some catch. Well, this squirrel was running around that my family fed on occasion. It would sit on our shoulder and eat, it was very friendly. Well, it was sitting on the fence about 20ft away from George. I told George about how friendly the docile beast was. So, he began walking slowly towards it beckoning it. When George was about 10 ft. away, the squirrel lept at George expecting a snack. George, with the killer white rabbit from the underworld fresh in his mind, freaked out, turned around, and began to run in mid leap. The squirrel landed on this back as George turned to run. Geroge was running at full speed in a zig-zag pattern screaming and flailing his arms as the squirrel was scurrying about Geroges neck, head, and shoulders. I think the squirrel was just as freaked out as George was. After about 30 seconds the squirrel lept from his back and scurried away. George layed on his pack panting on the lawn for about 5 minutes thanking God he was still alive.

That, to this day, is bar none the funniest thing I have ever witnessed.

FlatSpinMan
03-09-2005, 07:19 PM
Brian:"You're ALL individuals!"

Crowd:"Yes!. We're all individuals!"

Lone man:"I'm not."



=====================================

Heuristic_ALgor
03-10-2005, 02:57 AM
An OLD WOMAN appears.

OLD WOMAN
Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here ... Oh!
how d'you do?

ARTHUR
How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...
can you tell me who lives in that castle?

OLD WOMAN
King of the WHO?

ARTHUR
The Britons.

OLD WOMAN
Who are the Britons?

ARTHUR
All of us are ... we are all Britons.

DENNIS winks at the OLD WOMAN.

... and I am your king ....

OLD WOMAN
Ooooh! I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were
an autonomous collective ...

DENNIS
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship,
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...

OLD WOMAN
There you are, bringing class into it again ...

DENNIS
That's what it's all about ... If only -

ARTHUR
Please, please good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in
that castle?

OLD WOMAN
No one live there.

ARTHUR
Well, who is your lord?

OLD WOMAN
We don't have a lord.

ARTHUR
What?

DENNIS
I told you, We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take
it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ARTHUR
Yes.

DENNIS
... But all the decision of that officer ...

ARTHUR
Yes, I see.

DENNIS
... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority
in the case of purely internal affairs.

ARTHUR
Be quiet!

DENNIS
... but a two-thirds majority ...

ARTHUR
Be quiet! I order you to shut up.

OLD WOMAN
Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

ARTHUR
I am your king!

OLD WOMAN
Well, I didn't vote for you.

ARTHUR
You don't vote for kings.

OLD WOMAN
Well, how did you become king, then?

ARTHUR
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,
held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by
Divine Providence ... that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...
That is why I am your king!
|
| OLD WOMAN
| Is Frank in? He'd be able to deal with this one.
|
DENNIS
Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out
swords ... that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme
executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from
some farcical aquatic ceremony.

ARTHUR
Be quiet!

DENNIS
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

ARTHUR
Shut up!

DENNIS
I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would
put me away!

ARTHUR
(Grabbing him by the collar)
Shut up, will you. Shut up!

DENNIS
Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.

ARTHUR
Shut up!

PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.

DENNIS
(calling)
Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
Help, help, I'm being repressed!

ARTHUR
(aware that people are now coming out and watching)
Bloody peasant!
(pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)

DENNIS
Oh, Did you hear that! What a give-away.

VonKlugermon
03-10-2005, 07:14 AM
She turned me into a newt!!!



(I got better!)



Willy

Scragbat
03-10-2005, 07:55 AM
'One day lad, all this will be yours!'
'What? The curtains?'

Was on Warclouds TS a while ago. Don't know what started it but everyone was doing impressions and scenes from Monty Python!
Was most amusing http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

NEE!

VMF-312JarhedEd
03-10-2005, 08:37 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v37/JarheadEd/pfnewt1.jpg

Monty_Thrud
03-10-2005, 01:37 PM
Life of Brian

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> FRANCIS
Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN
... I want to be one.
REG
... What?
STAN
I want to be a woman. From now on I want you all to call me Loretta.
REG
What!?
STAN
It's my right as a man.
JUDITH
Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
STAN
I want to have babies.
REG
You want to have babies?!?!?!
STAN
It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
REG
But you can't have babies.
STAN
Don't you oppress me.
REG
I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the
fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>[I]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Latin Lesson

Brian is writing a slogan to a wall, oblivious to the Roman patrol approaching
from behind. The slogan is "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".

C: What's this thing?
"ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"?
"People called Romanes they go the house"?
B: It, it says "Romans go home".
C: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"?
B: (hesitates)
C: Come on, come on!
B: (uncertain) "ROMANUS".
C: Goes like?
B: "-ANUS".
C: Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?
B: "-ANI".
C: (takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI".
"EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?
B: "Go".
C: Conjugate the verb "to go"!
B: "IRE". "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".
C: So "EUNT" is ...?
B: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
C: But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the ...?
(lifts Brian by his hairs)
B: The ... imperative.
C: Which is?
B: Ahm, oh, oh, "I", "I"!
C: How many romans? (pulls harder)
B: Plural, plural! "ITE".
C: (strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" to the wall)
(satisfied) "I-TE".
"DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
B: (very anxious) Dative?
C: (draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat)
B: Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative,
ah, DOMUM, sir.
C: Except that "DOMUS" takes the ...?
B: ... the locative, sir!
C: Which is?
B: "DOMUM".
C: (satisfied) "DOMUM" (strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM") "-MUM".
Understand?
B: Yes sir.
C: Now write it down a hundred times.
B: Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.
C: (salutes) Hail Caesar.
If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
B: (very reliefed) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and
everything, sir!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> REG
All right, what have the Romans ever done for us! (he pauses smugly)
XERXES
The aqueduct?
REG
What?
XERXES
The aqueduct.
REG
Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
MASKED COMMANDO
And the sanitation!
STAN
Oh yes ... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like.
REG
All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two
things that the Romans HAVE done ...
MATTHIAS
And the roads ...
REG
(sharply) Well YES OBVIOUSLY the roads ... the roads go without saying.
But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads ...
ANOTHER MASKED COMMANDO
Irrigation ...
OTHER MASKED VOICES
Medicine ... Education ... Health
REG
Yes ... all right, fair enough ...
COMMANDO NEARER THE FRONT
And the wine ...
GENERAL
Oh yes! True!
FRANCIS
Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.
MASKED COMMANDO AT BACK
Public baths!
STAN
AND it's safe to walk in the streets at night now.
FRANCIS
Yes, they certainly know how to keep order ...
(general nodding)
... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
REG
All right ... all right ... but apart from better sanitation and medicine
and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater
system and baths and public order ... what HAVE the Romans done for US?
XERXES
Brought peace!
REG
(very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all)
What!? Oh ... (scornfully) Peace, yes ... shut up!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Sturm_Williger
03-10-2005, 02:59 PM
Continue, Knights who say ... er ... Knights who until recently said "Ni !"

MrOblongo
03-10-2005, 03:07 PM
Can anyone PLEASE post the Witch Trial ???

VonKlugermon
03-10-2005, 03:31 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrOblongo:
Can anyone PLEASE post the Witch Trial ??? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Who are you, so wise in the ways of science?

Willy

PS: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!

MarkGos
03-10-2005, 07:38 PM
Oh no an OT subject is going further OT. Starts off as Monty Python and morphs into Mel Brooks. Next we'll be quoting Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam.

Oh well can't resist.

History of the world - Part One
To the theme music from 2001:

And ape discovered he was man!!!
(visual joke for those that remember)

Heuristic_ALgor
03-11-2005, 01:31 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrOblongo:
Can anyone PLEASE post the Witch Trial ??? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A village. Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp
cracks. It comes nearer. We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL
flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with
wooden boards. They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful
YOUNG WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets. They drag her to a
strange house/ruin standing on a hill outside the village. A
strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.

FIRST VILLAGER
We have found a witch. May we burn her?

ALL
A Witch! Burn her!

BEDEVERE
How do you know she is a witch?

ALL
She looks like one. Yes, she does.

BEDEVERE
Bring her forward.

They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up
as a witch.

WITCH
I am not a witch. I am not a witch.

BEDEVERE
But you are dressed as one.

WITCH
They dressed me up like this.

ALL
We didn't, we didn't!

WITCH
This is not my nose, It is a false one.

BEDEVERE takes her nose off.

BEDEVERE
Well?

FIRST VILLAGER
... Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE
The nose?

FIRST VILLAGER
And the hat. But she is a witch.

ALL
A witch, a witch, burn her!

BEDEVERE
Did you dress her up like this?

FIRST VILLAGER
... Um ... Yes ... no ... a bit ... yes... she has got a wart.

BEDEVERE
Why do you think she is a witch?

SECOND VILLAGER
She turned me into a newt.

BEDEVERE
A newt?

SECOND VILLAGER
(After looking at himself for some time)
I got better.

ALL
Burn her anyway.

BEDEVERE
Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest

ALL
There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?

BEDEVERE
Tell me ... what do you do with witches?

ALL
Burn them.

BEDEVERE
And what do you burn, apart from witches?

FOURTH VILLAGER
... Wood?

BEDEVERE
So why do witches burn?

SECOND VILLAGER
(pianissimo)
... Because they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE
Good.

PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.

ALL
I see. Yes, of course.

BEDEVERE
So how can we tell if she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER
Make a bridge out of her.

BEDEVERE
Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL
Ah. Yes, of course ... um ... err ...

BEDEVERE
Does wood sink in water?

ALL
No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond Tie weights on her. To
the pond.

BEDEVERE
Wait. Wait ... tell me, what also floats on water?

ALL
Bread? No, no, no. Apples .... gravy ... very small rocks ...

ARTHUR
A duck.

They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.

BEDEVERE
Exactly. So... logically ...

FIRST VILLAGER
(beginning to pick up the thread)
If she ... weighs the same as a duck ... she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE
And therefore?

ALL
A witch! ... A duck! A duck! Fetch a duck.

FOURTH VILLAGER
Here is a duck, Sir Bedevere.

BEDEVERE
We shall use my largest scales.

He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made of
wood and rope and leather. They put the GIRL in one pan and the duck
in another. Each pan is supported by a wooden stave. BEDEVERE checks
each pan then ... ARTHUR looks on with interest.

BEDEVERE
Remove the supports.

Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The GIRL and the duck
swing slightly but balance perfectly.

ALL
A witch! A witch!

WITCH
It's a fair cop.

All
Burn her! Burn her! Let's make her into a ladder.

The VILLAGERS drag the girl away, leaving ARTHUR and BEDEVERE regarding
each other admiringly.


BEDEVERE
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

ARTHUR
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

BEDEVERE
My liege ... forgive me ...

ARTHUR looks at PATSY with obvious satisfaction.


ARTHUR
Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot,
and join our number at the Round Table?

BEDEVERE
My liege, I am honored.

ARTHUR steps forward, drawing his sword, with a slight hint of difficulty

ARTHUR
What is your name?

BEDEVERE
Bedevere, my Liege.

ARTHUR
Then I dub you ... Sir Bedevere ... Knight of the Round Table!

Tully__
03-11-2005, 02:10 AM
http://images.quizilla.com/J/jackee/1037956530_ench-guard.jpg
French Guard
I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous
accent, you silly king-a?!


What Monty Python Character are you? (http://quizilla.com/users/jackee/quizzes/What%20Monty%20Python%20Character%20are%20you%3F/)
brought to you by Quizilla (http://quizilla.com)

ASM 1
03-11-2005, 03:04 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/351.gif

You forgot the bit where he says "I fart in your general direction"

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

Nottingham-FB
03-11-2005, 08:08 AM
Anyone seen that diabolical, self-proclaimed Prince of Thieves around here. This thread wreaks of his dour presence and I must stop his misguided quest to convert the ignorant to his evil ways! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-mad.gif

Nottingham

MEGILE
03-11-2005, 08:18 AM
Nottingham you have my support.. Robin is a trecherious n00b who needs to be dealt with. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Slick750
03-11-2005, 08:53 AM
hehehe

tjaika1910
03-11-2005, 08:57 AM
I am the mythical king of the britons.
http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/J/jackee/1037949119_s04-arthur.jpg


But forget the insult: not very bright.

Nottingham-FB
03-11-2005, 09:19 AM
Any educated, civilized man can easily see through Robin's diatribe, thus the bulk of his minions...er...followers are poor, uneducated, easily-led individuals who merely yearn for a better life.

He HAD to have used some type of dark magic to garner Oleg's ear and I have been granted the authority to offer a full pardon to Him if he merely turns himself in and renounces his evil campaign.

He attracted followers initially, by singing the praises of the "uber" P-51 then turned full-circle extolling the virtues of the K-4.

He is obviously grasping at whatever he can to enlist followers, but I can rest assured that any free-thinking person with even a sixpence of a brain will be able to uncloak his devious efforts.

I am getting closer...like most unclean peasants his smell precedes him and just might be his undoing. *sniff* *sniff*

Nottingham

gombal40
03-11-2005, 11:10 AM
Sir Hood will slap you for this. (not knowing that you are liking it)

Ohhh well not even Sir Hood can know it al. He is far above you peasants in his k4 http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Nottingham-FB
03-11-2005, 11:55 AM
The common criminal you affectionately refer to as "Sir" can't carry my...joystick. Furthermore, I have soundly defeated him repeatedly with my aerobatic prowess which is why he is so scarce now.

My job here will only be finished when the size of his head matches that of his scrawny body (witness his avatar http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif )


Nottingham

Airmail109
03-11-2005, 02:25 PM
I think RBJ has returned ladies and gentlemen!

Jagdklinger
03-11-2005, 03:00 PM
I liked the Popular Front of Judea - the lone guy sitting in the Colusseum by himself...

gombal40
03-11-2005, 03:26 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nottingham-FB:
The common criminal you affectionately refer to as "Sir" can't carry my...joystick. Furthermore, I have soundly defeated him repeatedly with my aerobatic prowess which is why he is so scarce now.

My job here will only be finished when the size of his head matches that of his scrawny body (witness his avatar http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif )


_Nottingham_ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This proves you like stick of the "sir" kind

The reason sir Hood isnt around so much is because he still havent recovered from you're last encounter with him.

Yes laughter will keep you from flying my friends.
Its ugly but the track is realley funny.
I was promised when he was done laughing he would return to greater green. Viewing the track it could be a few days.
WHOEHAHA "aerobatic prowess" right down with no wing 8 k straight into the ground trying to take it ..out of a stall??..For 6 minutes?? plse stop i cant take not much more...

You were clipped. Sir Hood is right.
K4 rules.
You .. just .. dont

Airmail109
03-11-2005, 04:08 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gombal40:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nottingham-FB:
The common criminal you affectionately refer to as "Sir" can't carry my...joystick. Furthermore, I have soundly defeated him repeatedly with my aerobatic prowess which is why he is so scarce now.

My job here will only be finished when the size of his head matches that of his scrawny body (witness his avatar http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif )


_Nottingham_ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This proves you like stick of the "sir" kind

The reason sir Hood isnt around so much is because he still havent recovered from you're last encounter with him.

Yes laughter will keep you from flying my friends.
Its ugly but the track is realley funny.
I was promised when he was done laughing he would return to greater green. Viewing the track it could be a few days.
WHOEHAHA "aerobatic prowess" right down with no wing 8 k straight into the ground trying to take it ..out of a stall??..For 6 minutes?? plse stop i cant take not much more...

You were clipped. Sir Hood is right.
K4 rules.
You .. just .. dont <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Tell me more about this last encounter!

HerrGraf
03-11-2005, 09:16 PM
"And Now For Something Completely Different"

LStarosta
03-11-2005, 09:26 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HerrGraf:
"And Now For Something Completely Different" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That reminds me of Pump up the Valuum....

Good times...

LeadSpitter_
03-12-2005, 04:37 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v43/leadspitter/wobbinhood.jpg

p1ngu666
03-12-2005, 09:53 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LeadSpitter_:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v43/leadspitter/wobbinhood.jpg <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

MEGILE
03-12-2005, 10:21 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

LS is king of photoshop.

WOLFMondo
03-12-2005, 11:13 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ASM 1:
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/351.gif

You forgot the bit where he says "I fart in your general direction"

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And the electric donkey bottom wiper.

CWH1089
03-12-2005, 11:55 AM
"You must cut down the mightiest tree in the

forest with...a herring!" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Monte Python and the Holy Grail- greatest movie

of all time!

AlmightyTallest
03-12-2005, 03:06 PM
Hey, anyone remember a segment in "Now for something Completely Different!" about killer cars?? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

I seem to remember a cartoon called "Killer Cars!" the cars jumped out and ate the one lone pedestrian straggler, then some giant mutant cat scared all the cars off! lol gotta love British humor http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Feathered_IV
03-12-2005, 03:55 PM
Or the bit about Ingleesh bedwettere's.....

InyerEye
03-12-2005, 07:33 PM
Any of you male HG fans lucky enough to have a wife or girlfriend who likes this movie?
My wife hates it and always makes a comment about it when I quote Holy Grail lines.
In fact,the only female I've ever known who likes Monty Python movies is my sister.
Being from Kentucky,maybe i should have married her?http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

AlmightyTallest
03-12-2005, 11:10 PM
My brother was lucky enough to find one that liked Monty Python. My recommendation, if you find a girl that laughs at Monty Python, or cartoons in general....Marry her... Immediately http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Roar!!!

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/22-black-beast-of-aaarrrrggh.jpg

ARTHUR:
Run away!

KNIGHTS:
Run away!

[roar]
Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!
[roar]
Keep running!
[boom]
[roar]
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!...

BEDEVERE:
We've lost him.

[roar]

KNIGHTS:
Aagh!

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/22-beast-close-up.jpg

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/22-beast-running.jpg

NARRATOR:
As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.

http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/22-animator.jpg http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/movies/holy-grail/thumbnails/22-cartoon.jpg

NARRATOR:
The cartoon peril was no more.


The quest for Holy Grail could continue.

Glazier
03-13-2005, 12:30 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Raptor_20thFG:
Have you any Shrubrees



Forgive my spelling I like life of Brian <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You called!

http://nunnother.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/images/Roger_the_Shrubber.jpg

JG301_nils
03-13-2005, 01:21 AM
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you shall die.
Arthur: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move for no man.
Arthur: So be it!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's left arm.
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't.
Arthur: Well, what's that then?
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on you pansy!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's right arm.

Arthur: Victory is mine! We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy...
Black Knight: No one can pass me.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: No one can pass me.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you will die.
Arthur: I command you as King of the Britons to let me past!
Black Knight: I move for no man.
Arthur: So be it!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's left arm.
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: It's only a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch? Your arm is off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't.
Arthur: Well, what's that then?
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on you homosexual (derogatory)!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's right arm.
Arthur: I win! We thank you Lord, that in your mercy...
Black Knight: Come on then.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
Arthur: Look, stop that.
Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's leg.
Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll what?
Black Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
Arthur: You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's other leg.
Black Knight: All right; we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Patsy.
Black Knight: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

http://fearofclowns.com/gfx/black_knight_arthur.jpg

D-XXI
03-13-2005, 04:46 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by InyerEye:
Any of you male HG fans lucky enough to have a wife or girlfriend who likes this movie?
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My wife does. She's for sale. Make me an offer.

NorrisMcWhirter
03-13-2005, 04:49 AM
I'd suggest that meeting a bird that owns a decent brewery would be better than a Python fan.

"But Sir, it's only waffer-theen"

Norris

Airmail109
03-13-2005, 07:34 AM
No no no............meeting a bird who owns a spitfire would be even better! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

F0_Dark_P
03-13-2005, 07:40 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Glazier:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Raptor_20thFG:
Have you any Shrubrees



Forgive my spelling I like life of Brian <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You called!

http://nunnother.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/images/Roger_the_Shrubber.jpg <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>LOL that Magic card really sucks http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

TgD Thunderbolt56
03-13-2005, 09:42 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NorrisMcWhirter:

"But Sir, it's only waffer-theen"

Norris <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


"...give me the lot...and a bucket..."

VV_Holdenb
03-13-2005, 01:35 PM
sowwy wowdy wabble, I posted to wwong thwead earlier. So I post here to join you wouges, wobbers and woughens. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y22/holdenbj/rhood2.bmp

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y22/holdenbj/parrot.jpg

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif an attack of waiting for patch maddness...

Heuristic_ALgor
03-13-2005, 03:24 PM
Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.
Shopkeeper: A what?
C: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
S: How did you know my name was Eric?
C: No no no, my fish's name is Eric, Eric the fish. He's an halibut.
S: What?
C: He is...an...halibut.
S: You've got a pet halibut?
C: Yes. I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were
all too flat.
S: You must be a looney.
C: I am not a looney! Why should I be attired with the epithet looney merely
because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo
has a pet prawn called Simon (you wouldn't call him a looney); furthermore,
Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after
the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and
Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la
recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
S: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
C: Yes.
S: For a fish.
C: Yes.
S: You are a looney.
C: Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog
Eric, and I've got a license for me pet cat Eric...
S: You don't need a license for your cat.
C: I bleeding well do and I got one. He can't be called Eric without it--
S: There's no such thing as a bloody cat license.
C: Yes there is!
S: Isn't!
C: Is!
S: Isn't!
C: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
S: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written
in in crayon.
C: The man didn't have the right form.
S: What man?
C: The man from the cat detector van.
S: The looney detector van, you mean.
C: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
S: What cat detector van?
C: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.
S: Housinge?
C: It was spelt like that on the van (I'm very observant!). I never seen so
many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint
a purr at four hundred yards! And Eric, being such a happy cat, was a
piece of cake.
S: How much did you pay for this?
C: Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.
S: What fruit-bat?
C: Eric the fruit-bat.
S: Are all your pets called Eric?
C: There's nothing so odd about that: Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie
called Abdul!
S: No he didn't!
C: Did!
S: Didn't!
C: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
S: Oh, all right.
C: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?
S: I promise you that there is no such thing: you don't need one.
C: In that case, give me a bee license.
S: A license for your pet bee?
C: Yes.
S: Called Eric? Eric the Bee?
C: No.
S: No?
C: No, Eric the Half-Bee. He had an accident.
S: You're off your chump.
C: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquiallism to
imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the
semi-existence of my little chum Eric the Half-Bee, I shall have to ask
you to listen to this!
Take it away, Eric the orchestra leader!.......

A one... two.... A one.. two.. three..four...

[piano intro]

Half a bee, philosophically, must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee
has got to be,
vis a vis
its entity - do you see?

But can a bee
be said to be
or not to be
an entire bee
when half the bee
is not a bee
due to some ancient injury?

Singing...

La dee dee, 1 2 3,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this retched demi-bee,
half asleep upon my knee,
some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee.

Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
Eric the half bee.

Ho ho ho,
Tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive employee-ee-ee [with buzzing in background]
bisected accidentally
one summer afternoon by me
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally... [together]
...semi-carnally

[spoken]

The end

"Cyril Connelly?"
No! "Semi-carnally"
Oh!

Cyril Connelly [sung softly and slowly]

Airmail109
03-16-2005, 03:39 PM
Bumpage! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

NorrisMcWhirter
03-16-2005, 03:46 PM
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/life/vi-vomit.jpg
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/life/vi-clean.jpg

"I'll have everything on the menu....and a crate of brown ale." Must have been Newkie Brown. Bad news at the best of times.

Another classic:
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/compdiff/uppercla.jpg

But, probably one of the best visual gags ever had to be that horizontal mountain climber being interviewed on that high street

Norris