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BSS_Goat
01-22-2006, 02:38 PM
REAL MAN TEST

Ever wonder if you have what it takes to be a real man? Well, take this scientifically validated traits test and find out. After you're done it might help your relationship with your woman (assuming you are a real man) for her to take it as well. This test may help her understand the complex nature of the male psyche.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the leader of your country.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the
most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really
sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the newspaper when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and
seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're enrolled in school already?"
C. "There are three?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the
garbage regularly in case somebody (we are not naming names, but this would be the wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that
Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally
got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Internet porn.

All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. In understanding this and
carefully reviewing the "C" answer, women will come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.

BSS_Goat
01-22-2006, 02:38 PM
REAL MAN TEST

Ever wonder if you have what it takes to be a real man? Well, take this scientifically validated traits test and find out. After you're done it might help your relationship with your woman (assuming you are a real man) for her to take it as well. This test may help her understand the complex nature of the male psyche.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the leader of your country.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the
most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really
sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the newspaper when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and
seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're enrolled in school already?"
C. "There are three?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the
garbage regularly in case somebody (we are not naming names, but this would be the wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that
Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally
got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Internet porn.

All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. In understanding this and
carefully reviewing the "C" answer, women will come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.

Kuna15
01-22-2006, 03:37 PM
Mostly A).
And in cases that I didn't voted for A) I'd rather skip that question because of no appropriate answer (like Q3, with all do respect http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif).

Nice one.

vocatx
01-22-2006, 03:48 PM
Goat, my wife was looking over my shoulder on these...just so you know, I'm in the doghouse now!

Great post, by the way. I loved it! My wife will calm down in a day or two.

redfeathers1948
01-22-2006, 04:04 PM
.. uh yea.. I hadda put a friggen lock on me undies drawer..geeesh

slo123
01-22-2006, 07:10 PM
ehy answered c on all guess im the man round here whatch out tully im gonna take ur title

womenfly2
01-22-2006, 07:35 PM
.... you guy's! ... now I understand .. I think? ... not really ???? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

How ture .... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

and slo123 ... great to have a real man here!

Dash_C.
01-22-2006, 08:34 PM
Chuck Norris is the only real man. Be sure.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Tully__
01-22-2006, 08:47 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by slo123:
ehy answered c on all guess im the man round here whatch out tully im gonna take ur title </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
slo, yo may be a "real man" but I'm THE Man... there can be only one!!!
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif



http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Hawgdog
01-22-2006, 08:57 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">C. A dog that eats cats. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


I didn't understand the rest.

CaptAce
01-22-2006, 09:23 PM
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what teal is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask "What is wrong?" and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine
. . . really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as sports, the weather, or hunting.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.

Gold_Monkey
01-22-2006, 09:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

No statement was ever so true............!!

Swivet
01-23-2006, 03:38 AM
They say "real men" dont eat quiche..I happen to love the stuff when my wife makes it....Does it make me a man that i actually ate it?.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif
I mean really, what is quiche?..It's just cheeze and other junk all in a pie crust http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

Pirschjaeger
01-23-2006, 04:34 AM
Sorry, couldn´t agree with any of the answers so i created my own. Doesn´t creating my own answer make me a real man?http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

1. D- secure the patent, then retire with Bill Gates as my gardener.

2. D- 16 year olds

3. D- it´s not

4. D- a dog that eats other dogs

5. D- what does she look like? Is she tall and blond?

6. D- 10 mins after an 8 hour session. It´s a special occasion she won´t forget to soon.

7. D- sure, just relax and rest. Then I reserve their plane tickets and send them off to school.

8. D- one year before it becomes any of the above.

9. D- he was antisemetic.

10. D- string bikinis for tall blonds

Fritz

nakamura_kenji
01-23-2006, 04:43 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

fish doggy like taste me to much &gt;_&lt;, cat like play modem cable computer

Worf101
01-23-2006, 09:34 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

fish doggy like taste me to much &gt;_&lt;, cat like play modem cable computer </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Unh I'm not touchin' this one. "Doggy like taste me too much"?

Worf101 99th Pursuit Squadron, 332nd V.F.G. "Spit Fire"

Lucius_Esox
01-23-2006, 01:40 PM
Captace,,

Many a true word spoke in jest m8, many a true word http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

vocatx
01-23-2006, 06:58 PM
I think Kenji means the dog licks him too much....um....that's as far as I'll go. Thanks, Worf, now I'm paranoid to say anything else.

Fritz, I like some of the answers you came up with, especially number 10. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

LuftWulf190
01-23-2006, 08:17 PM
"1. D- secure the patent, then retire with Bill Gates as my gardener.

9. D- he was antisemetic."

LOL! I loved these two. But for Number one, I'd do what he said above, THEN take it apart.

slo123
01-23-2006, 08:22 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by womenfly2:
.... you guy's! ... now I understand .. I think? ... not really ???? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

How ture .... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

and slo123 ... great to have a real man here! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
guess how old"THE REAL MAN" iS

tully may i take the roll as "THE REAL MAN"?

slo123
01-23-2006, 08:32 PM
O the first question bought the aliens toy um i think i would actually get the patent like the other guy said and then burn it to c if it made pretty colors like batteries

Goodwood_Alpha
01-23-2006, 09:00 PM
I guess it's true what they say -- men really are idiots. Of course, women aren't that much better; we're two halves of a whole, and frankly the human race at this point is not that impressive, reletively speaking.

Pass the popcorn, Vassily...

marc_hawkins
01-23-2006, 09:13 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">men really are idiots. Of course, women aren't that much better </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


Ah reminds me of the great Albert Einstein quote:

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the the universe ."

slo123
01-23-2006, 09:27 PM
u taking pictures of me marc?

PBNA-Boosher
01-23-2006, 09:35 PM
Mostly A's and B's. Guess I'm not a real man. But I can fix toilets!

Tully__
01-23-2006, 09:36 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by slo123:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by womenfly2:
.... you guy's! ... now I understand .. I think? ... not really ???? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

How ture .... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

and slo123 ... great to have a real man here! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
guess how old"THE REAL MAN" iS

tully may i take the roll as "THE REAL MAN"? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

First you'll have to work out who gave me that title, then ask that person to transfer it.... good luck http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

marc_hawkins
01-23-2006, 09:39 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">u taking pictures of me marc? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Me? never! *sound of zoom lense retracting*

Pirschjaeger
01-24-2006, 08:22 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Goodwood_Alpha:
I guess it's true what they say -- men really are idiots. Of course, women aren't that much better; we're two halves of a whole, and frankly the human race at this point is not that impressive, reletively speaking.

Pass the popcorn, Vassily... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Waiter, get this man a drink. His glass is half empty. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Fritz

Goodwood_Alpha
01-24-2006, 04:21 PM
Actually, I don't drink alcoholic beverages. I'll have a Dr. Pepper, neat.

Oh, and my glass is plenty full, thank you very much -- except of course when I realize just how screwed America is because of a certain cabal lead by a family whose surnames begin with a B and rhymes with tush.

Pirschjaeger
01-25-2006, 10:35 AM
Worry not my friend, nothing is forever.

But this is leaning towards the political side. I´d be happy to discuss it in PT.

I don´t know how interesting it would be since it seems we´d agree too much. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

Goodwood_Alpha
01-25-2006, 05:45 PM
Still, there are girls on trampolines to ogle over. I'm enough of a man to appreciate that, at least.

Treetop64
01-25-2006, 06:05 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Worf101:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

fish doggy like taste me to much &gt;_&lt;, cat like play modem cable computer </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Unh I'm not touchin' this one. "Doggy like taste me too much"? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

It took me a minute to figure it out, too.

I think what Nakamura-san is saying is that dogs lick his face too much, and that the cat plays with the modem cable. Insofar as the point with the cat, I'm not sure there is one...

No worries, Naka-san! I've forgotten most of my Nihon go manabemasu, so you're doing well!