View Full Version : How my naughty poetry won gold

05-29-2006, 05:43 AM
Rome Total War-Gold Edition to be precise http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Down here in the Antipodes we have a PC games magazine called PC Powerplay. A couple of months ago when RTW gold was released, they had this little give away courtesy of THQ.

"All you have to do is send us a limerick containing the word 'Rome' that is pure comedy gold."

And further down, amid the conditions: "Luck plays absolutely no part in this competition"

Well, I've always wanted this title but never had the chance to get it. So scavenging for a crumpled envelope, I grabbed a quill, summoned the Blarney of my ancestors and penned the following:

Regarding this game titled 'Rome'
I beg you, send one to my home.
And if this comes to pass,
Then by Spartacus' arse,
I swear - I will totally pwn!

And would you beleive it? Today a bulky package arrives. Inside is a shiny new copy of Rome Total War! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

Cool eh?

05-29-2006, 05:58 AM
Respect is due. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif

Might want to check this thread out if you get into the whole RTW vibe...
http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/23110283/m...421037144#9421037144 (http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/23110283/m/9421037144/r/9421037144#9421037144)

05-29-2006, 06:04 AM
Regarding this game titled 'Rome'
I beg you, send one to my home.
And if this comes to pass,
Then by Spartacus' arse,
I swear - I will totally pwn!



05-29-2006, 07:47 AM
There was a young man from Australia
His poetry it was a failure
But one day he did write a
Naughty five liner
Now he got a prize through the mail, yeah!


05-29-2006, 08:05 AM
So now you can say those things don't just only happen to other people.

Bet I know what you play solid the next two weeks!

05-29-2006, 08:48 AM
Congratulations! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Had I been the judge, I would had hired some thugs to beat you to death... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

05-29-2006, 08:52 AM
Originally posted by major_setback:
There was a young man from Australia
His poetry it was a failure
But one day he did write a
Naughty five liner
Now he got a prize through the mail, yeah!


Your poem is much more amusing when I read it with an Australian accent. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

05-29-2006, 01:10 PM
I bought this edition of RTW....alas its not nearly as "mod friendly" as the vanilla game...

05-30-2006, 05:47 AM
Hehe http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/touche.gif

LowFlyer, thanks for the link! I fired it up last night to see how it goes. Looks like my kind of thing. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif
I noticed that a lot of the mods change the gameplay as well as graphics. I'm quite taken with the look of the pic you posted (below) and would like to find that one but should I try playing through once before changing the conditions of play? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif


05-30-2006, 05:58 AM


05-30-2006, 06:00 AM
That's from Terrae Expugnandae (Chap by the name of Lusted did those - and some nice stuff for B.I.) - I'd have a go at the untouched game first, you'll appreciate the difference more http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I really like Rome Total Realism - kicks all the Hollywood stuff into touch. Now compatable with a RTW gold install.

Have a mooch around the forums and see what takes your fancy - just make sure it's version 1.5 (Rome) or 1.6 (B.I.) compatable. The latest Darthmod includes tweaking for both Rome and B.I. - plus loads of nice skins. Here's the link for mods again.


Oh, and keep a copy of a clean install - some of the mods require patches over patches over patches - all worthwhile, but it's easy to make mistakes if you don't follow instructions.

05-30-2006, 06:20 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/crackwhip.gif

Good Job...and congrats on the win

05-30-2006, 01:51 PM
When my eldest was about 7 or 8 when he came home and said he needed a poem to read out in class.Luckily I remembered this classic:
"My name is Fred Fannackerpan,
I run around the town,
Sometimes with my trousers up,
Sometimes with them down,
And when they were up they were up,
And when they were down they were down,
And when they were only halfway up,
I was arrested!"

Its by Spike Milligan ( http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif )and got him a big laugh,even off his teacher!

05-30-2006, 01:55 PM
hmmm I'm contemplating getting RTW.. or should I wait for MTW:2?

I have never owned one of the series.

05-30-2006, 03:26 PM
Come on you lot! I know that my effort was pretty bad, but am I the only one whose going to answer in limerick?


05-30-2006, 06:53 PM
I'll heed your advice to the letter
And agree that some rhyming is better,
Than to wade through the dross
And impoetical floss,
Of the previous postings and chatter.


05-30-2006, 07:13 PM
A poetical point to this thread
And the mods to which you have been led
Would Ceasar look barmy
If he re-skinned his army
With a bush hat on each Roman head?


05-30-2006, 08:18 PM
It's a little known fact about fashion,
that this was Caesars secret passion.
But the Gauls were appalled,
by the boas and shawls.
And the senate convinced him to trash 'em.

05-30-2006, 08:32 PM
Unforunately there aren't any mods that change all the skins and leave the gameplay intact. The R:TW communtity is insanely hostile towards the stock game, its designers, its publisher (and ex-publisher), and anyone who happens to gain even a smidgen of entertainment from it, too. They're all ****ing nuts, though, it's a great game.

You can, if you're up to it, get those roman skins from the download center at http://www.twcenter.net. Look for "Modding Legions," by GODzilla. You have to edit some text files to install them, though (don't use the ones provided, they're for an old version), and you have to do a bit more to install the unit card replacements (by AlCord).

On the modding side, the "platinum" version of Rome: Total Realism is... well, better than the official version of Rome: Total Realism, and it works for the Gold version of the game. It's worth a shot if you get tired of the stock game. The Europa Barbororum mod looks worth waiting for, too, and seems rather better thought out than the Total Realism mod.

Darth's formation mod is the only thing besides skins I would recommend for a first play-through. It starts the AI (and you) in more historical, and (more importantly) more useful, formations. The stock formations are just so easy to defeat the AI doesn't have a chance.

05-30-2006, 08:56 PM
I won 50 bucks American in a poetry contest for this one:

By Richard Scott

The essence of One Cut, We climbed Mt. Niitaka,

That bright December morning on the East Wind Rain.

Crying, €œAsia for Asians!€, we stooped out of the sky over the harbor of pearls,

Like cherry blossom petals on the Kamikaze,

To slay the sleeping giant, honor our Emperor and our ancestors.

We ran wild over the Pacific for a year,

But we had only awakened the giant,

Filling him with a terrible resolve.

Our Chiburi, blood falling like rain,

Was scattered across the jungles and atolls of the Pacific,

Leaving a trail for him to follow,

Back to the home islands.

We honored our Emperor and our ancestors,

But the giant brought with him the Whirlwind,

That burned shadows into the walls of Hiroshima and Nagasaki,

And changed the Divine Showa into a human being.

By Richard Scott
1990 all rights reserved

05-30-2006, 11:57 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif

Well done!

05-31-2006, 11:43 AM
He was hated, that flyer from Rosted
- always first to be "burnt crisp and toasted".
Why? In forums he rhymed,
and his fellows online
they just hated the poems he posted.

05-31-2006, 08:01 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/winky.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/winky.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/winky.gif

Oh, thats a goodie http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Its not easy to keep this sort of thing up though.

I like this poetical repast,
But I don't know how long it can last.
'Till a rhyme thats definitive,
Will split the infinitive
And take us all out in the blast!


05-31-2006, 08:53 PM
sorry no poem ;-)

but regarding rtw i strongly recommend the rtr platinum edition.

in the current version (1.5) it is equal in features to rtr 6.0 gold and runs on rtw1.5/bi1.6

rtr platinum 1.4

rtr platinum 1.5 patch

europa barbarorum is very promising but at its current stage still too buggy and in the late game agonizing slow. it also still runs on rtw 1.2 and that version features the dreaded load/save bug (huuuge gamebraker).

better wait for EBs 1.5 port and look out for RTR 7.0


06-01-2006, 05:13 AM
Wow thanks for the link! I was finding it hard to puzzle out some of the other mods and which ones can go where (and when).

Downloading now.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

06-01-2006, 07:57 AM
Mmm bugger. Only works with RTW, not the Gold Edition http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

06-01-2006, 04:56 PM

but isnt RTW gold just RTW and the BI addon together?

have you applied the RTW1.5/BI1.6 patch ( http://www.sega.com/support/pcdownloads/rometotalwar_pa...al_war_patch_1-6.zip (http://www.sega.com/support/pcdownloads/rometotalwar_patch/v1.6/English/rome_total_war_patch_1-6.zip) ) ?

rtr platinum can only be installed on an unmodified RTW/BI game patched to 1.5/1.6

06-01-2006, 06:07 PM
Whoops! Hadn't seen that one. Thanks I'll download it tonight after work http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

06-02-2006, 04:05 AM
Didn't work http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif A window pops up and says not compatible with Gold Edition..

06-04-2006, 06:21 AM
bummer.. :/

i have the normal rtw and bi so i dont know much about the gold edition.
do you have to install bi seperatly or is it installed right away?
at what version is your rtw/bi?
maybe you need a dedicated rtw gold patch in order to get to the latest version (rtw 1.5 / bi 1.6)

if you cant get it sorted out post here for help:


good luck! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif