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Box-weasel
01-12-2007, 12:37 PM
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress 2000. Tux rental-100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is 4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Deadmeat313
01-12-2007, 12:41 PM
Classic. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif


T.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." --- Jack Handey

PFflyer
01-12-2007, 01:28 PM
EDIT: post edited as it refers to phyisical violence and avoiding the filter is not permitted.

leitmotiv
01-12-2007, 01:36 PM
People never stare at your chest? Ah, innocence! Obviously you have never been to a bar in San Francisco's Castro District or dated a sharkish female buyer for a major department store. Admittedly, the eyes are more usually lower. One mood all the time? Have you ever lived around male writers, artists, musicians, or, infinitely worse, historians? You can never be pregnant? Hells bells, man! Women get pregnant, get big, and, theoretically, go down. Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet! Oh yeah, and look at all the old women---males are buying the farm like poisoned rats from 30 on! Every male over 50 I know is glum, saturnine, bitter, and only derives pleasure from invective (and that is when they are in good moods!). For most males, life is a sustained pig-sticking contest with them, resignedly grunting, as the pigs!!!!

slipBall
01-12-2007, 01:43 PM
We have it all, but we are nothing without a fat bottomed girl at our side http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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WTE_Googly
01-12-2007, 03:03 PM
Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet!

Eat pie, die happy. Thats my motto http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

Cheers
Googly

***********************
Bring back Buck!

RAF74_Raptor
01-12-2007, 03:04 PM
This Should Be stickied Be Sure

Bearcat99
01-12-2007, 06:32 PM
Originally posted by leitmotiv:
People never stare at your chest? Ah, innocence! Obviously you have never been to a bar in San Francisco's Castro District or dated a sharkish female buyer for a major department store. Admittedly, the eyes are more usually lower. One mood all the time? Have you ever lived around male writers, artists, musicians, or, infinitely worse, historians? You can never be pregnant? Hells bells, man! Women get pregnant, get big, and, theoretically, go down. Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet! Oh yeah, and look at all the old women---males are buying the farm like poisoned rats from 30 on! Every male over 50 I know is glum, saturnine, bitter, and only derives pleasure from invective (and that is when they are in good moods!). For most males, life is a sustained pig-sticking contest with them, resignedly grunting, as the pigs!!!!

D@@@@@@@@@@@MMMMNNNN ............ http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/shady.gif

You got some issues man.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Oh.... and no offense to anyone, to each his own of course, but I think the original post only applies to straight men. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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|CoB|_Spectre
01-12-2007, 06:39 PM
Put yourself in your wife's place, if you have one. What has she got to be happy about? Then ask yourself what you did to merit being born a male.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

"How can you sit in the cockpit of a damaged airplane, half blind, half paralyzed, sticking your fingers through a hole in your head, and be objective about the matter?" - Saburo Sakai

LEXX_Luthor
01-12-2007, 06:47 PM
You can open all your own jars.
Nope. Exactly the opposite.

I used to have to open beer cans for redneck friends who, in a frenzy of masculinity, had cut their fingernails too short. They were helpless, crippled, could not open their own beer can. Nothing is higher comedy than observing the frantic, desperate, male bonding ritual between soft fingertip and aluminum can flip top.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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tigertalon
01-12-2007, 07:55 PM
Originally posted by LEXX_Luthor:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">You can open all your own jars.
Nope. Exactly the opposite.

I used to have to open beer cans for redneck friends who, in a frenzy of masculinity, had cut their fingernails too short. They were helpless, crippled, could not open their own beer can. Nothing is higher comedy than observing the frantic, desperate, male bonding ritual between soft fingertip and aluminum can flip top. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

U mean? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/crackwhip.gif

I have had both my wrists injured (in different events, including either a bike or rollerblades) and now usualy I cannot even open a jar of pickled gherkins (what a fortune I don't eat these) or honey (which I'd kill for). Still able to open all my beer cans! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Just in case someone haven't yet seen this:

"Why are airplanes better than women?"

Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'

Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.

Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.

Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.

Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.

Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown before.

Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.

Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

Airplanes expect to be tied down.

Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

However, when your airplane goes quiet, just like a woman, it can be a very bad thing...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v662/aegeeaddict/wildbabes-106.jpg <div class="ev_tpc_signature">

<span class="ev_code_BLACK"><pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">?Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany.

SeaFireLIV
01-12-2007, 09:24 PM
They`re always gonna be unhappy if they wanna have it all!

A happy woman is one who knows her limits.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

"If it burns, it is confirmed."

Ivan Lukich Zvyagin

th3wraith06
01-12-2007, 09:35 PM
men are happier because they are not so emotionally attached to the little stuff. look at me for example, i dont give a care if someone tells me to stop talking, a woman has a hissy fit over it, in other words, to the women of the world, shut the frig up, and stop getting so angry at us all the time....<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

treat a plane like you treat a woman, because just like a woman, a plane can have a lust for revenge.

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Lucius_Esox
01-12-2007, 09:40 PM
People never stare at your chest? Ah, innocence! Obviously you have never been to a bar in San Francisco's Castro District or dated a sharkish female buyer for a major department store. Admittedly, the eyes are more usually lower. One mood all the time? Have you ever lived around male writers, artists, musicians, or, infinitely worse, historians? You can never be pregnant? Hells bells, man! Women get pregnant, get big, and, theoretically, go down. Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet! Oh yeah, and look at all the old women---males are buying the farm like poisoned rats from 30 on! Every male over 50 I know is glum, saturnine, bitter, and only derives pleasure from invective (and that is when they are in good moods!). For most males, life is a sustained pig-sticking contest with them, resignedly grunting, as the pigs!!!!

Jeeezus lolol..

Red_Russian13
01-12-2007, 09:52 PM
Because their wives leave them? No, no that's not it. No wonder I'm miserable.

Yeah, I'm back...sort of. I come in to check on BoB and find there's practically a whole new sim out that I can't seem to find anywhere. Looking forward to finding it though...

I happen to like the 46 concept.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

Red Russian

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leitmotiv
01-12-2007, 10:17 PM
Obviously irony is lost on this crowd!

From now on I will promise to be positive in every way!

Oh, and, by the way, if you had once been 6'4" of male pulcritude, Bearcat, my naive friend, you would know that being admired by both sexes was inevitable, especially if you were in San Francisco in the wild '70's. As much as I am inclined to defend my tediously butch heterosexuality, I will decline.

LEBillfish
01-13-2007, 01:21 AM
Why are men happier?...Hmmm

Don't know...though they say "ignorance is bliss"

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Rubylust
01-13-2007, 01:49 AM
I'm not sure I'm happier as a guy and I think its because I'm usually not as emotional, where ignorance comes in. Thought and knowledge, even cheap knowledge can be torment. Ramblings about life, family, the universe, where we came from, where we are going? 2007 sucks so far.

Pahvilaatikko
01-13-2007, 02:14 AM
Originally posted by Box-weasel:
One mood all the time. And this single quality that women don't have can make a man very unhappy.

Heavy_Weather
01-13-2007, 08:45 AM
life is too short to be serious all the time. everyone must have fun. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/touche.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

There are two things that are infinite, one is the universe, the other is human stupidity and I am not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

Mysticpuma2003
01-13-2007, 09:08 AM
Men are happier nbecause we look at life in an A to B way.

We don't get distracted in shops by the 'own brand " items that are 3p cheaper...you give me a shopping list with Bread, butter, milk and eggs...and that's what you get. I'm in the shop, straight down the aisle...backet loaded and out in 3 minutes....what's the point in stressing over whether it might be cheaper in another shop?

Also we have a basic, all encompassing sense of humour which helps us get by in life, for example;
You ask me for a double-entendre, and I'll give you one!

However when speaking at a conference of Neuroscientists this little gem came out:

Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side!

How they were rolling about on the floor after that one.

Men can't live with them.......no really! We're happier like that!<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://www.aqqm31.dsl.pipex.com/Mysticpuma.jpg

SeaFireLIV
01-13-2007, 10:01 AM
Originally posted by Mysticpuma2003:


Men can't live with them.......no really! We're happier like that!

This is almost true, but I still believe that the happiest woman and the happiest man are those that find eachother. Still, it`s better to be on your own than get in with a bad\selfish\feminist woman.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">


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"If it burns, it is confirmed."

Ivan Lukich Zvyagin

major_setback
01-13-2007, 10:33 AM
Men aren't happier than women.
Women just want us to think that! It's part of their plan, the cunning swine! I tell you - beware of happiness, it's a trap!<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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mandrill7
01-13-2007, 06:45 PM
Men are happier than women because we have *****es and they don't. Simple.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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Petey78
01-13-2007, 07:52 PM
I'm a man who just got a fat payrise and is as happy as a pig in sh**.

Just bought a 1970 Mk3 Triumph Spitfire from the money the ex insisted was 'for the bathroom'. Ha!

Gonna get my PPL next year and am finally starting to save enough now.

Things weren't always this good but I'm enjoying being a man right now. 1946 is pretty good too!

Bearcat99
01-13-2007, 08:59 PM
Originally posted by leitmotiv:
Obviously irony is lost on this crowd!

From now on I will promise to be positive in every way!

Oh, and, by the way, if you had once been 6'4" of male pulcritude, Bearcat, my naive friend, you would know that being admired by both sexes was inevitable, especially if you were in San Francisco in the wild '70's.

I still am 6'1" of male pulchritude ... a little greyer.... but hey..it makes me look distinguished... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif .. and I wss in N.Y.C. in the wild 70s, and I ran from the east to west... north to south... so I know that it can be inevitable. No need to defend your sexuality .... the issues I am talkng about are related to this:
Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet! Oh yeah, and look at all the old women---males are buying the farm like poisoned rats from 30 on! Every male over 50 I know is glum, saturnine, bitter, and only derives pleasure from invective (and that is when they are in good moods!). For most males, life is a sustained pig-sticking contest with them, resignedly grunting, as the pigs!!!!

Sounds like issues to me..... somebody has em... .... LOL... maybe some of your over 50 friends need to take up a hobby... like flight simming or something...... LOL http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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Worf101
01-14-2007, 09:55 AM
Originally posted by leitmotiv:
People never stare at your chest? Ah, innocence! Obviously you have never been to a bar in San Francisco's Castro District or dated a sharkish female buyer for a major department store. Admittedly, the eyes are more usually lower. One mood all the time? Have you ever lived around male writers, artists, musicians, or, infinitely worse, historians? You can never be pregnant? Hells bells, man! Women get pregnant, get big, and, theoretically, go down. Men get fat as a pen full of hawgs and stay that way until they kick from cardiacs, and are hauled out on stretchers looking like the Matterhorn under the white sheet! Oh yeah, and look at all the old women---males are buying the farm like poisoned rats from 30 on! Every male over 50 I know is glum, saturnine, bitter, and only derives pleasure from invective (and that is when they are in good moods!). For most males, life is a sustained pig-sticking contest with them, resignedly grunting, as the pigs!!!!

Let the church say.... AMEN!!!! And then some..

Good respone Leitmotiv "Clahsick!!!"

Da Worfster<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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Airmail109
01-14-2007, 05:01 PM
ABC of Ex Girlfriends

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a **** about you.

B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.

D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H is for *****. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K stands for Kniving Minx

L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R is for Rich little *****. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that ***** is an understatement.

V is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

. stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, becauseshe lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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Slickun
01-14-2007, 06:04 PM
Know why wives close their eyes during sex?

Can't stand to see their husbands having fun.

Says tons, huh?

Cossack13
01-14-2007, 08:21 PM
At least one poster probably would prefer if "people never stare at your chest when you're talking to them."

jensenpark
01-14-2007, 09:27 PM
Originally posted by Slickun:
Know why wives close their eyes during sex?

Can't stand to see their husbands having fun.

Says tons, huh?

You nailed it 100% here. This sums it all up about women.

Sit down with the paper: "honey, set the dinner table" (though dinner is 1 hour away).
Sit down with the paper again: "pour milk for the kids" (though dinner is 59 minutes away)
Sit down with the paper on the toilet: "are you going to be long? I need to get in there" (even though there are 2 other bathrooms in the house).
Get out and sit in a different spot with the paper "wipe the table down"...

And so on.

Remember once visiting a buddy with the family and checking out his home theatre...we set up Pink Floyd from the Live 8 concert, closed the doors and both said "wait for it...wait for it".
Seconds later, both wives screaming to come upstairs to check on the kids...even though they were both upstairs in the same room with the kids.

They are the enemy. They are all the same.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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CrazySchmidt
01-15-2007, 03:55 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Classic... love it.
Ahh... it's great being a guy alright. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

CS. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

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