View Full Version : Start to my first story...

05-30-2007, 07:33 AM
The smell in the command room assaulted the nostrils of all of those within her cramped confines. Fleeting traces of fresh air flooded the submarine as the watch crew changed. Heinz Maraust climbed the ladder to the bridge, as he emerged into the night air he felt the mositure of rain and spray on his face.
The moon shone brightly in the crisp winter air, it was all the Kaleun could do to admire the sight before a shout from the for'ard of the conning tower snapped him out of his daze. The moon which previously looked so amazing was now the backdrop for something far more sinister...

05-30-2007, 10:06 AM
Well written "trailer"! Short, yet very descriptive, & immediately sets a tone of suspense. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif

I wish I could write that well.

05-30-2007, 12:51 PM
Intriguing trainee_flyboy, good post. I look forward to reading the rest. There is from time to time a Short Story Comp that I run here, so bear that in mind http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif welcome to the forum.

05-31-2007, 05:30 AM
The Kaleun cleared the bridge taking one last glance at the silouette before sliding down the ladder into the command room.
"Take her to periscope depth" barked Maraust making his way aft to the observation periscope. As the Type II submarine slipped below the icy North Sea waves the Kaleun took in the scene before him. A crew before him all young but with eight patrols under their belt trusting of their commanding officer, as he was trusting of them.
As the periscope came up and Maraust snapped out the handles he swung round to where he had seen the ship from the bridge. The destroyer loomed ahead off their starboard bow, making only five knots through the crisp night he hadnt changed course.
Relinquishing the periscope to his Weapons Officer Maraust tipped his cap back on his head and scratched his forehead. The destroyer would pass directly ahead of the sub at a range of probably less than a thousand meters ideal firing scenario, but unless the vessel was seriously damaged or sunk in the attack they would stir up a hornet's nest before even begining their grid patrol.