View Full Version : Santa's Checkride

11-19-2005, 05:17 PM
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

11-19-2005, 05:45 PM
Heard that one at work yesterday. Best new joke I've heard in some time http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

11-19-2005, 07:59 PM

11-19-2005, 08:20 PM
Is he like gonna shoot a rendeer or something?

11-19-2005, 08:21 PM
I dont get it http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

11-19-2005, 08:26 PM
Is this to do with FAA inspectors being dodgy? Thatsall i could think of...

11-19-2005, 08:36 PM
Ha ha ha, good one http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Danjama, are you serious? If you are, think of each reindeer as being an engine.

Imagine if it were an airplane. The inspector might turn off one of the engines to see how the pilot would react in an emergency.

I was flying in a Cessna with a buddy. he was taking lessons. The instructor shut down the engine and asked my buddy "now what do you do?".

Get it?http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif


11-19-2005, 08:45 PM
HeHe ok i get it now, i wasnt thinking engines http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif

I remember when i had theengine turned off on me, it was me second lesson, didnt have a clue, he says what do u wanna do? I looked at him, then glided down to about a thousand feet, he finally realised i didnt know how to get the engine going again http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Anyway, thanks for explaining Fritz, its late here(4am) hence my dumb response

11-19-2005, 09:10 PM
No prob Danjama. 4am? He he he, this forum is addictive isn't it? Been there, done that to often. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif


11-19-2005, 09:23 PM
(The Valkyries are late, but I'm patient)

It's not over till the fat lady sings. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif


11-19-2005, 09:55 PM
bah! Santa flies with the CAA.

Rudolph represnts a simple aircraft and therefore all is well. No argument. No nothing. Santa is safe and you argue at your peril!

11-20-2005, 12:27 AM
Originally posted by WTE_Ibis:
(The Valkyries are late, but I'm patient)

It's not over till the fat lady sings. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif


Ha ha ha http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif


11-20-2005, 02:19 AM
Oilburner_TAW ... Great story! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

11-20-2005, 04:10 AM
Anybody figured out that it only takes one change in the term "Santa" to make "Satan" out of it ?

Holy cow, I revealed another conspiracy http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

11-20-2005, 08:27 AM
Hahaha LMAO. Too funny Oil

11-20-2005, 08:44 PM
The truth is, Santa doesn't exsist. I have unclassified evidence that the elves made him up in order to get more funding.

We live in a matrix. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif


11-20-2005, 09:40 PM
sorry, I have heard that joke in 1995 back in Peru........besides, everybody knows that santa crashed and burned in the Tunguska in 1908.....he's dead Jim....

The Tunguska event was an aerial explosion that occurred at 60? 55€² North, 101? 57€² East, near the Podkamennaya (Stony) Tunguska River in what is now Evenkia, Siberia, at 7:17 AM on June 30, 1908. The size of the blast was later estimated to be between 10 and 15 megatons. It felled an estimated 60 million Trees over 2,150 square kilometers. At around 7:15 AM, Tungus natives and Russian settlers in the hills northwest of Lake Baikal observed a huge fireball moving across the sky, nearly as bright as the Sun. A few minutes later, there was a flash that lit up half of the sky, followed by a shock wave that knocked people off their feet and broke windows up to 650 km (400 mi) away. The explosion registered on seismic stations across Eurasia, and produced fluctuations in atmospheric pressure strong enough to be detected by the recently invented barographs in Britain. Over the next few weeks, night skies over Europe and western Russia glowed brightly enough for people to read by. In the United States, the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory and the Mount Wilson Observatory observed a decrease in atmospheric transparency that lasted for several months. Had the object responsible for the explosion hit the Earth a few hours later, it would have exploded over Europe (most probably Scandinavia) instead of the sparsely-populated Tunguska region, producing massive loss of human life and changing the course of human history.
Surprisingly, there was little scientific curiosity about the impact at the time, possibly due to the isolation of the Tunguska region. If there were any early expeditions to the site, their records were lost during the subsequent chaotic years €" World War I, the Russian Revolution, and the Russian Civil War. The first expedition for which records have survived arrived at the scene almost two decades after the event. In 1921, The Russian mineralogist Leonid Kulik, visiting the Podkamennaya Tunguska River basin as part of a survey for the Soviet Academy of Sciences, deduced from local accounts that the explosion had been caused by a giant meteorite impact. He persuaded the Soviet government to fund an expedition to the Tunguska region, based on the prospect of meteoric iron that could be salvaged to aid Soviet industry. Photograph from Kulik's 1927 expedition.Kulik's expedition reached the site in 1927. To their surprise, no crater was to be found. There was instead a region of scorched Trees about 50 kilometres across. A few near ground zero were still strangely standing upright, their branches and bark stripped off. Those further away had been knocked down in a direction away from the center. During the next ten years, there were three more expeditions to the area. Kulik found a little "pothole" bog that he thought might be the crater, but after a laborious exercise in draining the bog, he found there were old stumps on the bottom, ruling out the possibility that it was a crater. In 1938, Kulik managed to arrange for an aerial photographic survey of the area, which revealed that the event had knocked over Trees in a huge butterfly-shaped pattern. Despite the large amount of devastation, there was no crater to be seen. Expeditions sent to the area in the 1950s and 1960s found microscopic glass spheres in siftings of the soil. Chemical analysis showed that the spheres contained high proportions of nickel and iridium, which are found in high concentrations in meteorites, and indicated that they were of extraterrestrial origin. Expeditions led by Gennady Plekhanov found no elevated levels of radiation, which might have been expected if the detonation were nuclear in nature.

11-21-2005, 01:33 AM
So, you think the elves sabotaged Santa's sleigh? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

It's all starting to make perfect sense. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

Never trust an elf. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-mad.gif

For a long time I've suspected that Danjama and Siwarrior are elf spies. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif


11-21-2005, 09:06 AM
That was a good story http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson