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Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 06:21 AM
My buddy from back home sent this to me. It made me chuckle so maybe it will make you guyz chuckle too.

WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. Smarties
> >
> > 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
> >
> > 3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
> >
> > 4. Baseball is Canadian
> >
> > 5. Lacrosse is Canadian
> >
> > 6. Hockey is Canadian
> >
> > 7. Basketball is Canadian
> >
> > 8. Apple pie is Canadian
> >
> > 9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ***
> >
> > 10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ***
> >
> > 11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
>
> >the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most
>
> >of Washington, under the command of William Lyon Mackenzie King who was
> >insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we
>
> >came home and partied...Go figure..
> >
> > 12. Canada has the largest French population that never
> >surrendered to Germany.
> >
> > 13. We have the largest English population that never ever
> >surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone. anywhere. EVER.
> >
> > 14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and it lasted a little
>
> >over an hour.
> >
> > 15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an
>
> >American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed
> >up just in time to get caught.
> >
> > 16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
> >
> > 17. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the
> >earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
> >
> > 18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full
> >grown human in under 3 minutes.
> >
> > 19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a
> >buffalo.
> >
> > 20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
> >
> > 21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, Velcro, zippers,
> >insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that
> >save countless lives each year.
> >
> > 22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and
> >lived to tell about it.
> >
> > 23. A Canadian invented Superman.
> >
> > 24. We have colour money.
> >
> > 25. Our beer advertisements kick ***
> >
> > BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
> >
> > 24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your
>
> >hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!
> >
> >
> >
> > oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.
> >
> > Pass this on if you are proud to be Canadian!!!
> >
> > I AM CANADIAN!!!


Fritz

joeap
09-16-2005, 07:54 AM
The Maple Leaf Forever!!!!!

huggy87
09-16-2005, 08:06 AM
Canada... Is that that place near alaska?

jensenpark
09-16-2005, 08:21 AM
Originally posted by huggy87:
Canada... Is that that place near alaska?

LOL! Well you know the map better than most south of the border. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

DxyFlyr
09-16-2005, 08:29 AM
You want my baseball AND apple pie? I guess you're gonna tell me my mother was Canadian too. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Actually, I've always had a soft spot for Canada. I've done some great camping in the western provinces. My next trip will be more to the east.

I heard yesterday that the Canadian navy has dive teams inpsecting the waters of Gulfport, Biloxi and Pascagoula to make sure they are safe for navigation.

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 08:34 AM
Originally posted by DxyFlyr:.

I heard yesterday that the Canadian navy has dive teams inpsecting the waters of Gulfport, Biloxi and Pascagoula to make sure they are safe for navigation.

No, someone started a rumour that a keg of beer sank to the bottom. I'd be there looking for it too but my wetsuit is at the cleaners.

Fritz

KGr.HH-Sunburst
09-16-2005, 08:42 AM
Apple Pie is Dutch, be sure

DxyFlyr
09-16-2005, 08:43 AM
I worry they will be disappointed when they discover that the handles on the sunken cases aren't big enough for their mits.

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 09:20 AM
Originally posted by KGr.HH-Sunburst:
Apple Pie is Dutch, be sure

JG/54 Arnie is Dutch, be even more sure. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

geetarman
09-16-2005, 09:29 AM
Canucks are good folks. True story:

Was in a training class for a large American Corp. about 15 years. Since my company does business in Canada too, a few Canadians were attending the class. We were all asked to identify ourselves and where we come from at the beginning of the class. I sat directly behind two Candaian guys and a large-breasted, blond, Californian girl sat next to me. After the Candaians stood up and ID'd themselves and their hometown, the blonde stood up and said, "Canadians! Great! Hey, do you know this guy Joe who lives up there?" The Canadians were first on the floor laughing their a$$$es off.

Bongokid
09-16-2005, 09:43 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif the one about the french is nasty tough http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

check this link, its about our new canadian military equipment :

http://www.code7r.org/Bintoons/ca1.htm

no details about our Quebec (french canadian) secret weapon on this page though: poutine throwing kamikaze teams http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

Note : for those not in the know, poutine is a mix of brown sauce, cheese bits and fries

Bongokid

Dew-Claw
09-16-2005, 09:45 AM
The Canadians gave us Celine Dion
That alone should have gotten them invaded by the rest of the world http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

They turned loose on the world that horrible weapon of mass destruction.

Udidtoo
09-16-2005, 09:59 AM
We get a lot of Canadian snowbirds(people with enough financial success to head south for warmer parts when winter comes) here in AZ.

Just a guess but I'd say over the last 15 years I've put roofs on at least 30 homes for Canucks.I cannot recall a single time that they didn't make either lemonade, tea or both for the crew and many of the gents would climb up and deliver it himself.Very cool people.

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:10 AM
Originally posted by Udidtoo:
We get a lot of Canadian snowbirds(people with enough financial success to head south for warmer parts when winter comes) here in AZ.

Just a guess but I'd say over the last 15 years I've put roofs on at least 30 homes for Canucks.I cannot recall a single time that they didn't make either lemonade, tea or both for the crew and many of the gents would climb up and deliver it himself.Very cool people.

And you thought that was nice? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gifIf you were Canadian we'd bring you a beer. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

Dew-Claw
09-16-2005, 10:13 AM
If you were Canadian we'd bring you a beer
Canadian beer...
Might as well drink the lemonaide LOL

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:49 AM
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:52 AM
Originally posted by Dew-Claw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">If you were Canadian we'd bring you a beer
Canadian beer...
Might as well drink the lemonaide LOL </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Please do not confuse our beer with American beer. Although they are exactly the same in the bigging, the colder climate of Canada keeps the alcohal from evaporating. As for the Americans, they suffer a warmer climate, and therefor, a different beer.

We Canadians feel bad for our southern cousins, that is until we drink our beer, then the feeling goes away. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:53 AM
A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:55 AM
A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.

"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"

"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."

The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"

"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.

The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?" The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'

nakamura_kenji
09-16-2005, 10:56 AM
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 10:58 AM
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry.

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 11:01 AM
An American couple from Montana decided to go to Canada for their holidays one summer. They drove north across the border, stopped at a dinosaur park, then continued northeast. After driving for a couple of days, they realized they were lost. They found a small city, and pulled over to ask a pedestrian for directions.

"Hey buddy, can you tell us where we are?"

The pedestrian smiled, said "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," and went on his way.

The driver turned to his wife and said "Well, we still don't know where we are. He doesn't even speak English."

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 11:03 AM
A man finds an old bronze statue of a rat in an antique store.

The shopkeeper says: "It's $10 for the statue, but $100 for the story that goes with it."

The man skips the story, hands over $10, and starts to walk home with the statue under his arm.

On the way, hundreds of rats start to follow along behind him.

The man runs to the nearest bridge and throws the statue in the water. To his amazement all the rats follow the statue and leap off the bridge to their deaths.

When the man returns to the store the owner says: "You've come back for the story of the statue."

The man says: "No, I was wondering if you might have a bronze statue of a Quebec Separatist."

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 11:05 AM
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 11:08 AM
Hi all,

If these jokes have offended anyone I'd like to take this opportunity to offer a heartfelt apology because we know it's not easy for you to cope with being anal-retentive and a wuss at the same time.

Really sorry. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think

Hey buddy, don't worry about your English. It cool and I've always enjoyed reading you posts. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Especially the one about dropping your gear and hiding between the bombers. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Fritz

BSS_Goat
09-16-2005, 11:26 AM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
Hi all,

If these jokes have offended anyone I'd like to take this opportunity to offer a heartfelt apology because we know it's not easy for you to cope with being anal-retentive and a wuss at the same time.
Fritz

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Friendly_flyer
09-16-2005, 12:01 PM
I like what little I know about Canada, exept one thing: Lexx (yes, even aired here in Scandinavia). Canada must bleed.

GreyFox5
09-16-2005, 12:01 PM
Dxy - My Mom was Canadian!

DxyFlyr
09-16-2005, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by GreyFox5:
Dxy - My Mom was Canadian!



On purpose?



http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Triggaaar
09-16-2005, 01:13 PM
Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think
Sorry, were we supposed to take the inventions seriously? In that case, we ought to call Mr Bell a Scot too.
And you were talking about Ice Hockey, not Hockey, right? 'cos my great (*7) grandfather invented hockey, with his mates, in a village called Balcombe, in Sussex, England.

JG52_wunsch
09-16-2005, 05:12 PM
Originally posted by Triggaaar:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think
Sorry, were we supposed to take the inventions seriously? In that case, we ought to call Mr Bell a Scot too.
And you were talking about Ice Hockey, not Hockey, right? 'cos my great (*7) grandfather invented hockey, with his mates, in a village called Balcombe, in Sussex, England. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

there is only 1 kind of hockey,and yes its played on ice,lol.cheers

LEXX_Luthor
09-16-2005, 06:46 PM
WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?
> >
> > 1. Smarties
> >
> > 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
:
:
etc...
:
:
> > 25. Our beer advertisements kick ***
> >
> > BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
> >
> ><span class="ev_code_yellow">LEXX</span>




Canada Makes Formal UN Apology for Lexx ‚© Edgar Harris
:
:
"We're sorry for War of the Worlds. We're sorry for Friday the 13th. We're sorry for Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda. We're even sorry for The Starlost, even though it would have been great if the production crew had left Harlan Ellison alone. But most of all, we are very, very, VERY sorry for Lexx, and we are taking steps to make sure that geek porn like this never happens again." http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif
:
:
~ http://www.revolutionsf.com/article.html?id=1088

http://www.revolutionsf.com/images/humor/lexx/apology.jpg
Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien apologizes for LEXX.

Clan_Graham
09-16-2005, 07:00 PM
To speak to an equal, a Canadian is forced to talk to God.

(although I do believe that point number 13 could be contested)

Zyzbot
09-16-2005, 07:04 PM
CANADA ANNOUNCES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE

Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.

"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."

Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.

Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."

"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."

"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."

Included in sale:

1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..

8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up

12 million sleds

50,000 igloos

1 million Eskimo child brides

5,000,000 curling brooms

Too many hockey teams to count

Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner

20 million humans (French sold separately)

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/2_2004/canadasale.html

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 09:12 PM
Originally posted by BSS_Goat:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
Hi all,

If these jokes have offended anyone I'd like to take this opportunity to offer a heartfelt apology because we know it's not easy for you to cope with being anal-retentive and a wuss at the same time.
Fritz

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

It was a sequal to the "apologies" jokes http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Not serious http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-16-2005, 09:14 PM
Originally posted by Triggaaar:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think
Sorry, were we supposed to take the inventions seriously? In that case, we ought to call Mr Bell a Scot too.
And you were talking about Ice Hockey, not Hockey, right? 'cos my great (*7) grandfather invented hockey, with his mates, in a village called Balcombe, in Sussex, England. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Beating hedgehogs with sticks doesn't count eh. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

Arms1
09-16-2005, 09:24 PM
Originally posted by Zyzbot:
CANADA ANNOUNCES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE

Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.

"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."

Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.

Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."

"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."

"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."

Included in sale:

1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..

8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up

12 million sleds

50,000 igloos

1 million Eskimo child brides

5,000,000 curling brooms

Too many hockey teams to count

Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner

20 million humans (French sold separately)

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/2_2004/canadasale.html

Zyzbot, where are you from? most canadians would not find this link or post very accurate or funny at all, i don't

these figures are way off and if u were a real canadian you would know it!

8 million pairs of skates..pfftt, more like 20 million and add about 20 million hockey sticks to that, most of us take more than one to the rink.

dont blame us for celine dion or keanu reeves, they now live in the US cause we ran em outta here!

but please do thank us for James T Kirk (William Shatner), Austin Powers (Mike Myers), Frank Drebbin (Leslie Nielson),The Simpsons (Matt Groening), Lorne Greene, John Candy, Pamela Anderson http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif ,etc. etc..too many to list.

Also dont forget Canada is home to "Top Gun" winner Steve Nierlich, on a flight sim forum its hard to believe this hasnt been mentioned yet!

Zyzbot
09-16-2005, 09:28 PM
Originally posted by Arms1:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Zyzbot:
CANADA ANNOUNCES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE

Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.

"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."

Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.

Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."

"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."

"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."

Included in sale:

1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..

8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up

12 million sleds

50,000 igloos

1 million Eskimo child brides

5,000,000 curling brooms

Too many hockey teams to count

Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner

20 million humans (French sold separately)

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/2_2004/canadasale.html

Zyzbot, where are you from? most canadians would not find this link or post very accurate or funny at all, i don't

these figures are way off and if u were a real canadian you would know it!

8 million pairs of skates..pfftt, more like 20 million and add about 20 million hockey sticks to that, most of us take more than one to the rink.

dont blame use for celine dion or keanu reeves, they now live in the US cause we ran em outta here!

but please do thank us for James T Kirk (William Shatner), Austin Powers (Mike Myers), Frank Drebbin (Leslie Nielson),The Simpsons (Matt Groening), Lorne Greene, John Candy, Pamela Anderson http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif ,etc. etc..too many to list.

Also dont forget Canada is home to "Top Gun" winner Steve Nierlich, on a flight sim forum its hard to believe this hasnt been mentioned yet! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>



Oh...I guess you can dish it out but not take it , eh? Typical.

Arms1
09-16-2005, 09:45 PM
Oh...I guess you can dish it out but not take it , eh? Typical.

normally i wouldn't get into a spitting match but much of your post was nothing more than a veiled insult..especially the part about the eskimo child brides.

Zyzbot
09-16-2005, 09:50 PM
Originally posted by Arms1:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">
Oh...I guess you can dish it out but not take it , eh? Typical.

normally i wouldn't get into a spitting match but much of your post was nothing more than a veiled insult..especially the part about the eskimo child brides. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


As was the original post ...lots of insults there against the French, English and Americans...but I don't see you complaining about that.

Arms1
09-16-2005, 10:06 PM
Originally posted by Zyzbot:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Arms1:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">
Oh...I guess you can dish it out but not take it , eh? Typical.

normally i wouldn't get into a spitting match but much of your post was nothing more than a veiled insult..especially the part about the eskimo child brides. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


As was the original post ...lots of insults there against the French, English and Americans...but I don't see you complaining about that. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

true enough as seen from other eyes maybe, but replied regarding YOUR post regarding mine, don't see anything not "politically correct" in my original reply so dont refer to me dishing it out and not taking it. i have not thrown any insults at anyone and originally replied in good spirit, not that can be said for someone else.

jensenpark
09-16-2005, 10:11 PM
Every, let's just calm down and get back to something important:

Like insulting the Quebecers. Bloody poutine eating, Celine Dion-breeding layabouts.

Arms1
09-16-2005, 10:12 PM
ps zyzbot, thanks for helping me ruin a thread that was started as a bit of fun, my appologies to everyone

jensenpark
09-16-2005, 10:22 PM
Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think

Pretty much correct - but we still claim insulin as our own. Two bright fellows from U of T - Charles Best and Frederick Bantin. Banting, for any of you who live in the Toronto area, used to live at the Guild Inn (then known at the Guild of All Arts) in Scarborough in a converted polo horse stable which later became a working studio for artists - including some from the Group of Seven.
Building is still there - along with, for some reason, his fireplace mantle, that sits in the gardens there.
Used to manage the Guild Inn so I get to store all this unique/useless Canadiana info in my little brain till I get the odd chance to blab...

BaldieJr
09-16-2005, 10:27 PM
Sorry canada:
http://web.mit.edu/invent/iow/zamboni.html

Arms1
09-16-2005, 10:30 PM
Originally posted by jensenpark:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakamura_kenji:
penecilin was discover by scot call Sir Alexander Fleming, french person actully first but not carry out any further research it 1880s think

Pretty much correct - but we still claim insulin as our own. Two bright fellows from U of T - Charles Best and Frederick Bantin. Banting, for any of you who live in the Toronto area, used to live at the Guild Inn (then known at the Guild of All Arts) in Scarborough in a converted polo horse stable which later became a working studio for artists - including some from the Group of Seven.
Building is still there - along with, for some reason, his fireplace mantle, that sits in the gardens there.
Used to manage the Guild Inn so I get to store all this unique/useless Canadiana info in my little brain till I get the odd chance to blab... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

interesting, homer watson house just down street from me

altstiff
09-16-2005, 10:37 PM
Ernie Coombs (Mr.Dressup) was actually American, born in Maine I think but many kids (including me) grew up watching him each morning.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 01:52 AM
Hey guyz, this thread is only for a bit of fun.

I always liked jokes about Canadians because they come in two varieties.

1) Odd Canadian habits. There are a few and I find them funny when mentioned also.

2) Outsiders or non-Canadian knowledge of Canada. This I find to be very humorous, especially from Americans. Not insulting Americans but some of their geographical knowledges are very amuzing, especially considering how geographically close we are.

"Arms1", are you Canadian? Canadians usually don't get upset so easily. No one believes that Inuit children are being sold. Grab a large "Tim Horton's" coffee and a donut. (Real Canadian food). http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Anyways guyz, these jokes are related to Canadians, whether the joke is on the Scott, the American, or whatever. But they are just that, jokes. Nothing personal, only wanted to make you guyz laugh.

I'm gonna post more jokes but let's not take anything personally. Just chuckle or add to the list. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Fritz

BSS_Goat
09-17-2005, 06:04 AM
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
http://www.gothamist.com/images/2003_6_pittfight2-thumb.jpg

VW-IceFire
09-17-2005, 06:33 AM
Originally posted by Arms1:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Zyzbot:
CANADA ANNOUNCES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE

Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.

"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."

Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.

Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."

"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."

"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."

Included in sale:

1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..

8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up

12 million sleds

50,000 igloos

1 million Eskimo child brides

5,000,000 curling brooms

Too many hockey teams to count

Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner

20 million humans (French sold separately)

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/2_2004/canadasale.html

Zyzbot, where are you from? most canadians would not find this link or post very accurate or funny at all, i don't

these figures are way off and if u were a real canadian you would know it!

8 million pairs of skates..pfftt, more like 20 million and add about 20 million hockey sticks to that, most of us take more than one to the rink.

dont blame us for celine dion or keanu reeves, they now live in the US cause we ran em outta here!

but please do thank us for James T Kirk (William Shatner), Austin Powers (Mike Myers), Frank Drebbin (Leslie Nielson),The Simpsons (Matt Groening), Lorne Greene, John Candy, Pamela Anderson http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif ,etc. etc..too many to list.

Also dont forget Canada is home to "Top Gun" winner Steve Nierlich, on a flight sim forum its hard to believe this hasnt been mentioned yet! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Are you kidding? Thats a hilarious joke! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Its good to be Canadian. We've got a good country...we're a bit different than everyone else and our identity is stranded somewhere between being American and being European (or British) but we're ok with that.

And nobody should confuse Canadian and American beer. Big difference there.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 06:59 AM
Icefire is a Canuk? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 07:04 AM
Originally posted by BSS_Goat:
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
http://www.gothamist.com/images/2003_6_pittfight2-thumb.jpg

That pic reminds me of yesterday, right outside my window. I've been in Beijing for 5 years now and I've seen 6 fights. In every fight it was the woman beating the man.

Fritz

VW-IceFire
09-17-2005, 07:31 AM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
Icefire is a Canuk? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz
Who knew? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Its that British ancestry showing through all the time...and a rather impressive and prominent British plane on my signature.

When I fly a Spitfire, its got my custom No.412 squadron VZ-I and maple leaf.

han freak solo
09-17-2005, 07:44 AM
I'm flyin' to Toronto tomorrow. Stayin' for a week.

Shower me with hospitality.

Thanks.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 08:19 AM
Originally posted by VW-IceFire:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
Icefire is a Canuk? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz
Who knew? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Its that British ancestry showing through all the time...and a rather impressive and prominent British plane on my signature.

When I fly a Spitfire, its got my custom No.412 squadron VZ-I and maple leaf. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Post a pic please. Not of you, but your custom VZ-1. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz

jensenpark
09-17-2005, 08:23 AM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
Icefire is a Canuk? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz

Of course so...who who else but a Canuck would have the class and honour to worship the Tempest?

Clan_Graham
09-17-2005, 08:49 AM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
2) Outsiders or non-Canadian knowledge of Canada. This I find to be very humorous, especially from Americans. Not insulting Americans but some of their geographical knowledges are very amuzing, especially considering how geographically close we are.



A few years ago, while passing through Kentucky, I stopped in a bar to have a brew.
A fellow who was sitting at the bar overheard me order my beer. After commenting on my
accent, he asked me where I was from.
"Canada", I said.
"Canada!", he replied. "My wife has always wanted to go to Europe."
Trying very hard not to laugh, I simply said, "Me too."

Triggaaar
09-17-2005, 11:48 AM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Triggaaar:
And you were talking about Ice Hockey, not Hockey, right? 'cos my great (*7) grandfather invented hockey, with his mates, in a village called Balcombe, in Sussex, England.

Beating hedgehogs with sticks doesn't count eh. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Fritz </div></BLOCKQUOTE>They were already dead, and it does count.

I'm not up to date with my politics - has Canada formally apologised for Celine Dion?

Reasons it's not good to be Canadian:
1) The counrty is run by the minority population.
2) You have to write everything in 2 languages.
3) You get mistaken for being American (now that's gotta hurt).

And the best thing about Canada, would be Mike Myers. But he regards himself as British.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 11:53 AM
I was chatting with an American guy online a couple years ago.

I said "It's late dude, gotta crash."
He said "Late, where are you?"
I said "Beijing"
He said "That in Europe or something ain't it"
I said"A little closer to something"
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Sometimes, I just don't get it. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:07 PM
So these 2 newfie brothers move to Toronto and they are looking for jobs.They look everywhere, always having no luck. They decide to go to an employment agency. They are in the waiting room and the receptionist tells the first newfie brother to go in and see the employment counsellor. "So", says the counsellor, "what kind of work experience do you have?" "Well", says newfie brother 1," back home,I'm a woodcutter!" all proud of himself. The counsellor looks at him funny and says, "well we don't have alot of trees to be cut in Toronto, but if anything comes up we'll keep you in mind, NEXT" "Okey Doke" says newfie brother 1, and he leaves. Newfie brother 2 then goes in to see the counsellor."What kind of job experience do YOU have?" "I",says newfie brother 2, "am a pilot"
" Oh really? We may be able to help you" says the counsellor. To which newfie brother 2 says, beaming with pride,"YES, 'bye, my brudder, he cuts the wood and me I PILE IT!"

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:10 PM
There are three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer, and a Vancouver guy.
They come across a lantern and a genie pops out.
(I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes.)

So the Newfie says (I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish)
Like that, the oceans were full.

The Quebecer was amazed, he said (I want a wall around Quebec, so no one will get in.)
And like that, there was a wall around Quebec.

The Vancouver guy says (Tell me more about this wall.)
The genie says (Well its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.)
So the Vancouver guy says (Fill it up with water.)

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:12 PM
A guy sees a Newfie walking down the street carrying a bag of fish.

He walks over to the Newfie and says: "Hey Newfie, I bet I can guess how many fish you have in that bag. If I get it right, will you give me one of them?"

And the Newfie says: "Heck, if you can guess how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give 'em both to you"

Triggaaar
09-17-2005, 12:12 PM
lol

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:13 PM
A newfie calls the RCMP "Hello is the the RCMP?? I'm calling about my neigbour Billy Bob Smith. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood!"

The next day the RCMP descends on Billy Bob's house and search the shed where the firewood is kept. They bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana. They apologize to Billy Bob and leave. The phone rings at Billy Bob's..

"Hey Billy Bob, did the RCMP come to your house?"

"Yep"

"Did they chop all your firewood?"

"Yep"

"Happy Birthday Buddy!"


http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Triggaaar
09-17-2005, 12:15 PM
Excellent, thanks. I shall now go out laughing to myself.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:15 PM
A Newfie went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss.

"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go bye," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:17 PM
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:18 PM
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:19 PM
Q : How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A : None. Canadians don't change light bulbs, we accept them as they are

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 12:21 PM
There were three Inuit in the Artic, and while drinking at a local bar they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They couldn't agree on whose igloo was the coldest, so they set out to find out whose was.
They went to the first Inuit's igloo, where he said, "Watch this!" He poured a cup of water into the air. The water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Inuit, but each maintained their igloo was colder.
They went to the second Inuit's igloo and he said, "Watch this!" He took a big breath, exhaled and his breath froze into a big solid lump of ice and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Inuit.
But the third Inuit believed his igloo was colder. So off they went to his igloo.
"Watch this," he said.
He went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs and retrieved one of several small balls of ice lying there. He placed one on a spoon, lit a match and held it under the spoon.
When it heated up enough, the little ball of ice went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".

Low_Flyer_MkII
09-17-2005, 12:22 PM
From the complete book of insults by Nancy McPhee.

Canada could have enjoyed:
English government,
French culture,
and American know-how.

Instead it ended up with:
English know-how,
French government,
and American culture.
John Robert Colombo 1965

(My favourite one is the French saying "Why did the sun never set on the British empire? Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.")

Clan_Graham
09-17-2005, 01:19 PM
I've got a million of these kinds of stories thanks to my travels and my Uncle Tim.

Uncle Tim is a border guard in Windsor, Ontario.
(that's the igloo out-post across the river from Detroit)
He has seen and heard it all !!!

Last summer during the high heat of August a car full of Americans pulled up with six sets of skis on the roof of the car in a ski rack.
"Where's the best skiing?" they asked.
"That would be Whistler, British Columbia." Tim repied. "But you're four months early and two thousand miles off course."
"I thought you had snow up here?" the American said with an astonished look.
"We do," Tim replied, "But generally only in the wintertime."

Daiichidoku
09-17-2005, 01:29 PM
one needs to watch Rick Mercer's "talking to americans"

totally hilarious...

not content to make everyday yankees look foolish...he actually fools harvard poly sci professors...

even steps it up and gets the governor of arkansas to sign a petition vs global warming as it is melting canada's "national igloo"

or gets the governor of north dakota (or is it south?) to congratulate canada for finally "converting from a 23-hour to a 24-hour clock"

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Clan_Graham
09-17-2005, 01:49 PM
I've got a million of these kinds of stories thanks to my travels and my Uncle Tim.

Uncle Tim is a border guard in Windsor, Ontario.
(that's the igloo out-post across the river from Detroit)
He has seen and heard it all !!!

Once, an American pulled up and Uncle Tim asked, "What's your reason for visiting Canada?"
"I'd like to photograph some Polar bears. Can you tell me where to find some?" he said.
"Sure," said Uncle Tim, pointing due east, "Drive that way for about two hours. Then turn left and drive for four days or four thousand miles, whichever comes first."

Thinking Uncle Tim was joking the American went on his merry way.

Ankanor
09-17-2005, 02:03 PM
Ok, I read that somewhere, not sure if it's a joke, though:

How do you make 100 canadians go out of the swimming pool on a hot summer day?
You ask them.

in the bulgarian version the answer is : nobody knows, it's never been accomplished. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

geetarman
09-17-2005, 03:27 PM
I've never read more Canadian jokes in my life!

Another interesting tidbit from the book of Canadian/US relations:

Anyone remember about 15 years ago when the Canadian Navy was taking pot shots across the bows of US fishing boats off the northeast coast? I figured we were heading for another War of 1812!

Luftwaffe_109
09-17-2005, 08:00 PM
Here is my humble contribution to this thread, found on some crazy website somewhere (obviously either a Canadian or Danish joke site http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif):

http://www.freehansisland.com/hansisland-banneri.png

http://www.freehansisland.com/


Introduction
For many years, the Canadian military has repeatedly invaded Danish territory, without any respect for international treaties or laws. Therefore, Canada must be excluded from NATO and the UN, and must be forced to give war reperations for thedamages they have inflicted. Furthermore, the Canadian ministry of defence should be disbanded, and all Canadian military equipment should be handed over to Denmark.

The Canadian medias are down-sizing the repeated violations by the Canadian military, claiming that Hans Island is unimportant. This is untrue, though. Besides the important wildlife that surrounds Hans Island itself, the island is also instrumental is securing the Danish rights to the natural resources found in the underground.

In the past, the area of present-day Canada was used as a launching platform for other countries assaults on - amongst others - Washington DC, which resulted in the destruction of both historical landmarks and works of art. Although the forces were forced back, Canada has never given an official apology! This is the kind of irresponsible behaviour the Canadian gouvernment represents - so nothing holds them back from using similar methods in their attacks Hans Island?

Facts about the Canadian occupation of Hans Island
-No humans have lived on Hans Island, since Canada first occupied it
-The landscape of Hans Island has been barren to say the least, since Canada first occupied it
-Canadian military and state officials have frequently violated the Danish sovereignity at Hans Island
-The Danish navy has suffered no casualties in the struggle for Hans Island. Canadian losses are unknown, but are at least the same, po ssibly higher
-Canada has not yet used nuclear weapons against Denmark. Denmark has no nuclear capacity
-Since the first Canadian occupation, large quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) has been observed on and around Hans Island
-Despite claiming ownership, Canada provides no medical or social services to the inhabitants of Hans Island
-Canada has never had the right to Hans Island given to them by any international tribunal
-The Canadian gouvernment has not denied the allegations that they plan to use Hans Island as a nuclear test site

Fight against imperialist Canada!

VW-IceFire
09-17-2005, 09:59 PM
Denmark would be about the only country we could fight...and it'd probably be settled over some beer and a hockey game or something http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Pirschjaeger
09-17-2005, 10:17 PM
I'm starting a petition to demand Tim Horton's either stops the sale of danishes or renames them.

I suggest "Freedom Hansi" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Oooops. Where did I leave my fire-proof suit?

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Fritz

jensenpark
09-18-2005, 10:11 AM
Originally posted by Luftwaffe_109:
Here is my humble contribution to this thread, found on some crazy website somewhere (obviously either a Canadian or Danish joke site http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif):

http://www.freehansisland.com/hansisland-banneri.png

http://www.freehansisland.com/

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Introduction
For many years, the Canadian military has repeatedly invaded Danish territory, without any respect for international treaties or laws. Therefore, Canada must be excluded from NATO and the UN, and must be forced to give war reperations for thedamages they have inflicted. Furthermore, the Canadian ministry of defence should be disbanded, and all Canadian military equipment should be handed over to Denmark.

The Canadian medias are down-sizing the repeated violations by the Canadian military, claiming that Hans Island is unimportant. This is untrue, though. Besides the important wildlife that surrounds Hans Island itself, the island is also instrumental is securing the Danish rights to the natural resources found in the underground.

In the past, the area of present-day Canada was used as a launching platform for other countries assaults on - amongst others - Washington DC, which resulted in the destruction of both historical landmarks and works of art. Although the forces were forced back, Canada has never given an official apology! This is the kind of irresponsible behaviour the Canadian gouvernment represents - so nothing holds them back from using similar methods in their attacks Hans Island?

Facts about the Canadian occupation of Hans Island
-No humans have lived on Hans Island, since Canada first occupied it
-The landscape of Hans Island has been barren to say the least, since Canada first occupied it
-Canadian military and state officials have frequently violated the Danish sovereignity at Hans Island
-The Danish navy has suffered no casualties in the struggle for Hans Island. Canadian losses are unknown, but are at least the same, po ssibly higher
-Canada has not yet used nuclear weapons against Denmark. Denmark has no nuclear capacity
-Since the first Canadian occupation, large quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) has been observed on and around Hans Island
-Despite claiming ownership, Canada provides no medical or social services to the inhabitants of Hans Island
-Canada has never had the right to Hans Island given to them by any international tribunal
-The Canadian gouvernment has not denied the allegations that they plan to use Hans Island as a nuclear test site

Fight against imperialist Canada! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Let's wait until the next patch comes out with a Hans Island map.
Let we can settle this dispute once and for all!

JG52_wunsch
09-18-2005, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
I'm starting a petition to demand Tim Horton's either stops the sale of danishes or renames them.

I suggest "Freedom Hansi" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Oooops. Where did I leave my fire-proof suit?

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Fritz

LOL,nice 1 m8,cheers.

Pirschjaeger
09-19-2005, 06:26 AM
A Canadian and an American are having a beer together, and the conversation turns to who has the better country. After numerous exchanges of boasts, the Yankee says "Sure Canada's nice! But take away your clean air, your friendly people, and your strong beer, and what have you got?".

The Canuck smiles and says "Easy. The USA!".

Pirschjaeger
09-19-2005, 06:28 AM
Three Americans and three Canadians are about to get onto a train. The Americans go to buy their tickets...and they buy one each. Then the Canadians go to buy their tickets, and they only buy one for the three of them. The Americans say to them, "You guys are so dumb! You're gonna get kicked off the train!" The Canadians just say, "Wait and see..." So as soon as they get on the train, the Americans take their seats, but the Canadians cram themselves into one bathroom stall. A few minutes after the train started moving, the ticket man came around, took the Americans' tickets, then knocked on the door of the bathroom stall. "Ticket please!" he said. One of the Canadians stuck a hand out and handed him a ticket. When he left, the Candians came out of the bathroom. "Wow!" the Americans said to them, "That's pretty clever! We're gonna try that tomorrow!" The next day, when they are about to get onto the train, the Americans buy one ticket for the three of them, and the Canadians don't buy any at all! "What the hell are you doing?" asked the Americans, "They're gonna kick you off the train if you don't have any ticket at all!" The Canadians said, "Wait and see..." So as soon as they get onto the train, the Americans all cram themselves into one bathroom stall, and the Canadians into another. Right as the train starts moving, one of the Canadians gets out of the stall, creeps over the Americans' stall, knocks on teh door, and says, "Ticket please!"

Pirschjaeger
09-19-2005, 06:31 AM
In a train there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady.

The train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

** The blonde thought - "that American son of a ***** wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"

** The fat lady thought - "this dirty old American laid his hands on the blond and she smacked him"

** The American thought - "That ****ed Canadian put his hand on that blond and by mistake she slapped me"

** The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again"

Ha ha ha, this one is definitely political. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Pirschjaeger
09-19-2005, 06:34 AM
The pride of the american fleet the USS Virginia is
sailing up around the arctic ocean, around the
baffin island sorta region, when all of sudden
they have contact on there radar.
" sir theres a vessel directly infront of us,
looks like we're gonna hit"
captain looks up from his paper and reaches out for the radio.
"This is the captain of the USS Virginia.
Our radar indicates that we're on a collision course
and youd be wise to get out of the way"
In response a voice pipes in
" yeah... you know what, piss off"
The captains jaw drops " This is the
captain of the biggest and most powerful
ship in the american navy and unless you
want to be sunk Id suggest that you turn tail
and run." the captian smiles and puts down the radio.
"I dont think thats gonna happen big guy, so id say ur **** outta luck"
"this ship has fought countless battles in countless wars"
the captain snaps into the radio "we will run u down"
he sighs and says one last retort
"Ill say this again, this is the captain of the USS Virginia and youd best get the hell outta the way!"
theres silence for a minute. "well, this is the canadian light house.you make the call."

Pirschjaeger
09-19-2005, 06:38 AM
Paul Martin, Jack Layton, and Stephen Harper were all on a private jet together. Stephen Harper gets an idea. He says:"I'm gonna throw this $100 bill out the window, and make one Canadian really really happy."

Paul Martin doesn't want to be outdone, so he says:"I'll throw these two $50 bills out the window, and make two Canadians really really happy."

Jack Layton decides to go with the flow and says:"I'll throw these 100 loonies out the window, and make 100 Canadians really really happy."

At this point, the pilot comes through the door and says:"If you three don't shut the hell up right now, I'll throw all three of you out the window, and make 32 million Canadians really really happy."