View Full Version : Things Ezio would never say to his Victims.

05-11-2010, 06:03 PM
I don't know if this will catch on or not, but it basically works like this. Write what you think would be a pretty random or unexpected thing for Ezio to say to his victims.


Vieri: I'm sorry, where you hoping for a confession.

Ezio: Isn't that how assassination missions play out?

05-11-2010, 06:08 PM
"Dude, I like, totally, killed you"

"Oh look, a guard running around naked" *Stabs the guard when he looks* "Made you look"

"Does my backside look big in this outfit?" *In his assassin's grab*

"You want me to climb all the way up there? No way, mate, no way. You go up there, I'll stand right here and laugh when you fall and break your neck"

05-11-2010, 06:29 PM
"oops... might need to work on that aim... uh, sorry, i was aiming for that guy... uh, requiescat in pace?"

05-11-2010, 06:55 PM
"May the Father of Understanding guide you"

or even

"Yeah, yeah, sure, guy! Just get on with it, right - just hurry up and die! I've got like 15 guards bearing down on me as you're whittering on!"

05-11-2010, 07:24 PM
"Yeah, yeah, sure, guy! Just get on with it, right - just hurry up and die! I've got like 15 guards bearing down on me as you're whittering on!"

Good one!

05-11-2010, 11:54 PM
"I farted."

"Would you mind lending me a few florins?"

"My name is Ezio Auditore. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (actually I guess he would say that)

"*punching victim with their own hand* Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself!"

"Requiescat in pace. *teabags corpse*"

"Oops, my mistake! I thought you were somebody else."

"And shepherds we shall be,
for Thee, my Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, ****** pistol* et Spiritus Sancti."

"English, motherf*****, do you speak it?"

"Pawned, lol."

05-12-2010, 12:07 AM
"Where is Jacapo? And just give me the gist of it, no ironic comments, no painfully long speaches and most of all no- Oh no he's dead. DAMN!"

05-12-2010, 01:41 AM
Ezio: "**** you *****!"

05-12-2010, 01:43 AM
Ezio: "You got in my way with your ****ing stupid guitar. I told you next time I see you, ima kill you."

05-12-2010, 03:27 AM
"Bye bye, sexy!"

05-12-2010, 03:44 AM
"Assassination CTS is a *****, can you point me to a Doctor?"

05-12-2010, 03:52 AM
"Boom! Headshot!"

"I'm sorry, were you hoping for a confession?"
"Shut it, I just cut your vocal cords!"
"No, you didn't"
"Well, what's that then?"
"I've had worse"
"You lie!"

05-12-2010, 03:59 AM
"Hasta la vista, baby!"

05-12-2010, 04:02 AM
Originally posted by nzmoneyman:
Ezio: "You got in my way with your ****ing stupid guitar. I told you next time I see you, ima kill you."

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifDon't think it hasn't happened!

05-12-2010, 04:42 AM
"You ate my sammich"

05-12-2010, 04:51 AM
Something Altair would say.

Victim: "Blah, Blah, Blah"

Altair: "SHUT UP! I'VE STABBED YOU IN THE THROAT! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES? Wait a second... I'm pretty sure i stabbed you in the back this time..."

"Blah Blah Blah..."

"Argh!" *Stabs a hundred times in the neck"

"Blah, Blah, Blah......"

"Blah, Blah, Blah (Again)"

Altair: "Would you gurry it up? MAsterchef is on and i'm missing it. Ah, i'll just get Malek to tape it for me"

Now Ezio:

"Oh merda! I didn't mean to actually stab you. Are you ok?"

*Shoots Victim from far away and goes into white room*

"Wait a second... how did i get all the way here from over there?"

Ezio: "(Says stuff in Italian) Requiescat in Pace"

Victim: "What the hell did you just say? At least give me some subtitles"

"Oi! You're supposed to be dead"

"Requies - *Phone Rings*. Just give me a sec..."

"Race you to the top of the tower"

05-12-2010, 07:23 AM
"I hope you enjoyed your last respawn."

05-12-2010, 10:42 AM
"Yippee kayay mother******!!!"

"Where is the Joker... I mean Jacopo! Where is Jacopo!!"

"I'll be back... You, however, probably won't be."

"Everything is true, nothing is permitted. Wait... that's not right, is it?"

"Before you die, answer me this and I may spare you. What colour does a Smurf turn when you choke it??? Consider yourself bamboozled Mr Templar!"

05-12-2010, 02:11 PM
"Oops, did I stab you? My bad." (unless he was being sarcastic, of course)

05-12-2010, 02:18 PM
"does my arsenal look big in this cape?"

05-12-2010, 11:58 PM
"I just wanted to cut a little 'Z' in your forehead."

"Oh stop winging, it's only a flesh wound!"

"Have we met before?"

05-13-2010, 04:00 PM
"Do you think I did ok on this assassination mission, my friend"

"Are you kidding? You were spotted by every gaurd on the way in! Thats not how you play the game you talentless bastard!

05-13-2010, 11:16 PM
*Ezio kills Vieri*

Ezio: So, vieri, while we're in this room full of white squares, tell me some crazy conspiracy ****.

Vieri: Never!

Ezio: C'mon dude, i got nothing to do until this disc loads my next mission!

05-14-2010, 09:35 AM
"im totally putting this on facebook!"

05-14-2010, 05:19 PM
"I, Ezio Auditore, DO simply walk into Mordor, b****!"

05-15-2010, 03:27 AM
"I didn't kill you because you were an evil tyrant. I killed for (BLEEP)ing my sister."

05-15-2010, 03:50 AM
"How is it possible that you're still talking when I just stabbed you in the face? And why aren't the guards attacking me? And what are these white lines anyway? Oh so many questions... Hey the white thingy is fading away! Wait! I didn't get to say it! Requies" *world reconstruction*

05-15-2010, 10:58 AM
"Look on the bright side, you won't be living in a world of corrupted, flatulent old men anymore."

"Head for the light!"

05-15-2010, 02:16 PM
"Since when does hay prevent me falling to my death, even from, like, 400 metres???"

"That's what she said!"

"Boom chicka bow wow!"

"Haha! OMG I hope this goes on YouTube!"

05-15-2010, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by Xanatos2007:

"*punching victim with their own hand* Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself!"

"Requiescat in pace. *teabags corpse*"

These two made me lawl.

"Taste the Rainbow."


"You just lost the game.. Oh wait.."

05-15-2010, 03:55 PM
"No matter how many times I kill you, you'll always just respawn. See you again in five minutes."

05-15-2010, 04:17 PM
Ezio : Rest In peace

Vitim : I see the light..

Ezio : **** YeAh, another glyph !

05-17-2010, 01:30 AM
This is actually in the game. It sort of made me lol and i've added to it

"You've told me where, now when. Requiescat in Pace... Wait a second... you didn't tell me when! Wait! Damn you're dead..."

(Can someone seriously tell me why he asked a question and then put him to sleep? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/shady.gif)

05-17-2010, 02:54 AM
"I love you"

"Anh yeu em"

"Anh yeu anh"

05-17-2010, 10:44 AM
Vieri: Why will you kill my father, Ezio?
Ezio: No, Vieri. I am your father.
Vieri: Then why did you kill me?

05-17-2010, 11:12 AM
Ezio: "hahaha noob"

05-17-2010, 03:06 PM
Savanarola: I knew you would come. Please, show mercy?

Ezio: What would you call being skanked in the mouth?

05-17-2010, 03:08 PM
Francesco De'Pazzi: Its over. Its all over.

Ezio: Before you die. I need to know one thing.......Did you really father Vieri when you were 10 years old?

05-17-2010, 03:30 PM
Ezio: Rest In Peace

Victim: What the hell, You killed me with a butchknife? Coudnt you atleast kill me with a expensive weapon? Well..... HUH........Your just cheap you know that. Finally someone decides to kill me, and they do it with a ButcherKnife.

COME ON! a butchknife! Are you for real, really...

Ezio: .....uuhm.....