View Full Version : OT: Classic American Humor

08-10-2007, 06:32 PM
Just received from depraved fellow Yank:


08-10-2007, 06:32 PM
Just received from depraved fellow Yank:


08-10-2007, 07:06 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif I gotta keep this one!

08-10-2007, 10:50 PM

08-10-2007, 11:23 PM

08-11-2007, 05:38 AM

08-11-2007, 07:18 AM
Lovely girl that Pisa. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Funni Schitt.

08-11-2007, 07:29 AM
9.5 http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

saving this one,
thanks http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

08-11-2007, 09:43 AM
Someone, quite a while back, passed that one on to me before. It is still quite funny though.

08-12-2007, 12:56 AM
For the reading impaired:


08-12-2007, 03:01 PM
I never understood American humor...

My failure I guess.

P.S. I have an old copy of "Jack's" book. Very amusing to read. It was a unified textbook/general advice/encyclopedia from the turn of the century. A sort of book for those who could only afford one book. Thus the origin of "You don't know jack".

08-12-2007, 03:48 PM
A long time ago, there was a little boy who had dreams of going to a Circus. He lived in a small town, and it was a rare occasion when one would come to town. Finally one day on his way home from school he saw a flyer nailed to a post. "CIRCUS SPECTACULAR IS COMING TO TOWN! TICKETS GO ON SALE SATURDAY!"

The boy was so excited that he sprinted home. He ran through the door and yelled "DAD DAD! The Circus is coming!! Can I go? PLEASE? PLEEEEASSEE?!?!". The young boys father looked at him and said.. "Yes son, you may go.. But you have to do chores to earn the money for your ticket. Is that a deal?". The boy replied "Oh yes, I'll work extra hard! This is going to be great!".

So for the next few days the little boy spent his time after school doing various chores. Mowing the lawn, trimming hedges. He cleaned sinks and toilets, mopped floors.. No chore was to great to him. His father was so pleased at his efforts, that not only did he give him the money for a ticket, he got some extra so he could get some snacks, and possibly a balloon. The wait for Saturday to come was almost too much for the Little Boy to bear, but he held with it. Visions of clowns, bears on motorbikes, and trapeze artists filled his dreams.

Finally the big day came and the Boy was off like a flash to the Circus. He walked around in awe of all the exotic creatures and fun attractions. Soon it was time to go into the Orange Big Top to see the main events!

The Boy was so excited when he sat down in his seat.. Row 13.. Seat 23. He was ready! He had his cotton candy! He has his balloon! Suddenly the lights went out, and the spotlight came on.. In the spotlight stood a very colorful Clown. He was juggling bowling pins, and balancing on a beach ball. He wooed the crowd with magic tricks of all kinds. Finally he began walking through the crowd, and was handing out balloon animals. Soon he came to Row 13, Seat 23. He saw the wide eyed amazement of the Little Boy seated there. He pulled out a microphone and asked the boy...

"Sooooo... Little Boy.. Is this your first time at the Circus?!"

The little boy replied! "Yes! Its so wonderful!" The clown says.. "Ah, yes.. well let me guess are you a Zeeeeeeeebrraaaa??"..

The little boy replies.. "Well, no I'm not a Zebra..."

The clown then says "Well, then.... are you a DOGGG!?. Again the little boy says "No.. I'm not a dog..

Finally the Clown says.. "Ah.. THEN YOU MUST BE AN A$$! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!.

The little boy was crushed. He was so embarassed by the cruel joke that he went running out of th e Orange Big Top, crying his poor little eyes out.

Things were never the same for the poor lad after that day. All he could think about was revenge. How could that Clown be so cruel to him? He had to avenge the wrong. So after he graduated from High School he went to College. He majored in Revenge. He graduated top of his class. He was so dedicated to the cause of Revenge that he went on to graduate school.. and eventually earned a PhD in the art of Revenge. After that he began driving around the country trying to find the circus that employed the evil clown.. That is.. if he was still alive.

Years went by.. He saw many Big Tops.. Red.. Silver.. Green.. but never the Orange. But then, one day as he crested over a hill he saw it.. A bright, glowing Orange Big Top. His heart raced.. Had his day for Revenge finally come? He pulled into the parking lot... Bought his ticket and entered the Circus grounds.. He did everything that he had done years ago on that horrible day as a child.. He bought cotton candy. He bought a balloon.

He made his way into the Orange Big Top and found his seat.... Once again it was row 13, seat 23. He sat down and waited for things to begin.... Soon the lights dimmed and on came the spot light.. In the light there was this old, decrepit clown who did all the same acts that he had done the first time the Boy had seen him....

Soon the clown began making his way through the crowd. Not long he came up to Row 13, Seat 23. The clown looked that the man seated there, and he grinned evilly. He recognized who was seated there..

He walks up and says..

Soooo.. Little boy, is this your first time at the Circus?!!!

The Little Boy, of course now a Man replies.. "Yes, It's so wonderful!!!" The clown smiles and says to him..

"Well let me guess are you a Zeeeeeeeebrraaaa??" The Man looks at him and says "No, I'm not a Zebra."

The Clown leans closer to him and says... "Well then, are you a DOGGGG?!!" Again, the Man says "No, I am not a dog..."

Finally the Clown yells out.. "AH! THEN YOU MUST BE AN A$$!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!.

This time, the Man doesn't get up and run away crying. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. He feels the moment for revenge has come.. He stands up tall. He slowly brings his gaze into the eyes of the clown.. and says....

F*ck you Clown! F*ck you!.


A strand of rope goes walking into a bar after a long day. He bellies up and says "BARKEEP! Beer and whiskey. Make it snappy!". The bartender walks up and replies "I'm sorry, we don't serve alcohol to strands of ropes here.. You need to leave.".

The rope gets up angrily and walks outside. Then, he decides that he will NOT be defeated. So he ties himself in a knot and frays himself up good. He then walks back in, bellies up and yells "BARKEEP! BEER AND WHISKEY!".

The bartender looks at him and says "Hey, aren't you that strand of rope I just kicked out of here?" The rope looks at him and says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot.


A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Cowboy go walking into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this? Some kind of joke?