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SkyMonkey2
02-10-2004, 02:02 PM
Some amusing antecdotes I came across today. Might be new to some of you.

Enjoy!
-SM


------------
Tower Chatter
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:

I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed.

"90 knots," Center replied.

"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."

"120 knots," Center answered.

We obviously weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.

"Center, Aspen 20,you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots."

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.



In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

-------------------------------------

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

-----------------------------------------

More tower chatter:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

--------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

-----------------------------------------

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

-----------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

--------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

------------------------------------------

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

SkyMonkey2
02-10-2004, 02:02 PM
Some amusing antecdotes I came across today. Might be new to some of you.

Enjoy!
-SM


------------
Tower Chatter
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:

I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed.

"90 knots," Center replied.

"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."

"120 knots," Center answered.

We obviously weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.

"Center, Aspen 20,you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots."

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.



In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

-------------------------------------

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

-----------------------------------------

More tower chatter:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

--------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

-----------------------------------------

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

-----------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

--------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

------------------------------------------

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

SkyMonkey2
02-10-2004, 09:49 PM
bump for the evening crew

johnsilverfox
02-10-2004, 10:04 PM
lol, good stuff. feed us more plz http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

ElfunkoI
02-10-2004, 10:09 PM
"In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared."


Flight school instructor told much better version. I'll use your references to make it flow better (I forgot tags he used).
"LAX, Aspen20 requesting to FL60."
Tower responds, "Aspen20, if you can get up that high go right ahead."
"LAX, Aspen20, Roger. Dropping to FL60."

johnsilverfox
02-10-2004, 10:28 PM
For months after California's Northridge earthquake of 1994, aftershocks rocked the San Fernando Valley and Van Nuys Airport. One morning about three weeks after the initial quake there was a particularly sharp aftershock.

Moments later on Van Nuys' ground control frequency: "Uh, four-three-kilo would like to file a pilot report for moderate turbulence on the east taxiway..."

RealHondo
02-11-2004, 03:47 AM
I remember a story about a Bf 110 crew with one engine dead trying to make an emergancy landing. The were very late on schedule and no one knew what happened since their radio was dead, too. One of the ground crew said to the waiting buddies on the ground something like:"Don't worry, that are Heinz and Manfred, they never stay up their." http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Auf SimHQ unterwegs als Hondo

<img>http://public.rz.fh-wolfenbuettel.de/~himstedm/extern/JG54.gif</img>

repco
02-11-2004, 04:20 AM
Lol SkyMonkey! Especially "Ah, the dreaded 7 engine approach!"

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

clover4
02-11-2004, 10:06 AM
Lol skymonkey nice to see a bit of humour,some funny stuff there. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

another quick one

There was a bomber pilot during WWII named Captain Bravado, who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while flying over Germany, the tail gunner spotted two FW-190's approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado ordered his copilot to bring him his red shirt.

The copilot quickly got the red shirt to the captain, who put it on and turned toward the fighters to give his gunners a better field of fire. His crew shot down the enemy planes and went on to lead the formation on a successful bombing run.

That evening, all the men sat around the hangar recounting the earlier triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man.

The next day, they took off for a mission deeper into the heart of the germany. Once over enemy territory, the top gunner spotted an entire squadron of German fighters above them, while the belly gunner saw another squadron below.

The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast horde arrayed against his craft, and without fear, turned and calmly said, "Get me my brown pants." http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif


*S* Clover4

Chuck_Older
02-11-2004, 10:26 AM
I used to have a list of pilot complaints and the engineering responses

such as-

Problem- Dead bugs on windscreen
solution- live bugs on backorder

problem- #2 engine prop shows leakage
solution- #s 1,3, and 4 props lack normal leakage. Situation rectified

problem- friction locks impede throttle quadrant movement
solution- that's what they are there for!

problem- radio gear emits loud humming
solution- radio asked to quiet down or at least learn the words

problem- mouse in cockpit
solution- cat hired

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

*****************************
the sergeant will for, his sergeant's pay, obey the captain 'till his dying day~ Clash

p1ngu666
02-11-2004, 02:54 PM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

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LeadSpitter_
02-11-2004, 04:33 PM
chucks are better http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

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DONB3397
02-11-2004, 05:52 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SkyMonkey2:
Some amusing antecdotes I came across today. Might be new to some of you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Funny! I bumped them on to my daughter-in-law who flies for one of the airlines, and to a friend who just retired after 30 years with another AL. Thanks.

Winning isn't everything;
It's the only thing!
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JG7_Rall
02-11-2004, 06:41 PM
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics


Found that on CFC forums http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif was quite funny

johnsilverfox
02-11-2004, 07:35 PM
photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane."It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

johnsilverfox
02-11-2004, 07:36 PM
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane."It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

NimbusPlus
02-11-2004, 07:41 PM
Haha, funny stuff! Cheers for Captain Bravado! http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://ee.1asphost.com/julienag/il2_Z_SIG.jpg

WarGod5475
02-11-2004, 11:15 PM
Hey!!!!! you should warn sombody before reading that.... i hurt myself.... http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif



lol jk but it did hurt laughing.... hehe.

xTHRUDx
02-12-2004, 09:17 PM
good stuff, funny

Vladimir_No2
02-12-2004, 09:41 PM
Very good stuff. The Problem-Solution is the best.

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"Engage the enemy more closely" -Rear Admiral Cradock