PDA

View Full Version : Explain An AC Game Badly



SixKeys
12-16-2015, 03:02 PM
So there's currently a hashtag trending on Twitter called #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly, where people make up the crappiest (but roughly accurate) description for any movie.

Examples:

https://scontent-arn2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/12366409_1252871954863999_8223478950675197455_n.pn g?oh=c36bf5d29819096da9ff98ed0690b508&oe=56D76552 https://scontent-arn2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/12347693_1252871971530664_2309553458242181289_n.pn g?oh=64843220822cadfb01ab1ebc5afc9d94&oe=56D7E081 https://scontent-arn2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtp1/v/t1.0-9/11225386_1252871918197336_5127914485481679345_n.pn g?oh=07bd276477df66b297ba8bc0f52ce950&oe=571EBCCC


You get the picture.

How would you badly explain any AC game's plot? Remember: as simplistic as you possibly can. Post as many as you like.


Just to kick things off:

AC1: Man knocks over some pottery, becomes target of nationwide manhunt.

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j58/kokychi_asa/AssassinCreed/Tutorial/AssassinsCreed_Dx92008-04-2321-56-0.jpg

VestigialLlama4
12-16-2015, 03:08 PM
AC1:
Bartender gets high on his beer tap, entertainers clubbers with wacky fantasies about corporations and educates the bewildered with his unfinished thesis on the Third Crusade.

AC2:
Bartender tries to impress blonde crush by dressing up as Italian James Bond using an accent he picked up from binge-watching low-budget Italian porn set in the Renaissance.

ACR:
Bartender's mentally ill colleague sells him with a pitch on a low-budget B-Movie Indiana Jones rip-off set in Istanbul.

AC3:
Bartender takes Thetan level classes at Scientology and dozes off watching a seminar about how Scientology won the American Revolution and rewrote the Mayan Calendar.

cawatrooper9
12-16-2015, 03:27 PM
Ah, VL4 went the MD route, interesting. I'll try with an emphasis on my homies the Templars:

AC1-
Syrian terrorist kills nine targets, finds woman of his dreams.

AC2-
Entitled Renaissance brat pretends to be Batman, beats up the pope.

ACB-
Dysfunctional family struggles to stay together while a killer invades their home.

ACR-
Elderly man kicks dying Byzantine dynasty while its down, inserts himself into random royal family's affairs.

ACIII-
Son goes through phase and rebels against father- ends up starting a war and disgracing all of his father's hard work.

ACL-
Mother stays up worried each night as daughter sneaks out and wears provocative clothing.

ACIV-
Brave men try to prevent ruthless pirate from pillaging his 876th ship.

ACRo-
( I honestly can't think of anything to put here, I feel like the game's story is already about Shay misinterpreting the Assassins from the Templar's POV)

ACU-
Brash young man intervenes in an ancient struggle with little to no knowledge of the overarching consequences, all for the sake of chasing some tail.

ACS-
Twin gangsters ruin the infrastructure of city, burn theater, crash Queen's ball, and defile ancient holy temple.

VestigialLlama4
12-16-2015, 03:37 PM
To do post-Desmond games:

Black Flag
Welshman decides to become a pirate rather than find a regular legal paying job like trafficking slaves.

Rogue
Irish rebel betrays his local cell and joins West Britain, all the while doing a dancing jig at a bar talking about he made his own luck by starting an Earthquake.

Unity
Fascist tries in vain to repel the forces of democracy by allying with a military dictator and tries in vain to force a liberated young woman away from her goals and into his pants.

Syndicate
Non-incestuous twins bicker like an old married couple as they work as the goon squad for Queen Victoria and the English conservative party.

SixKeys
12-16-2015, 03:47 PM
ACB-
Dysfunctional family struggles to stay together while a killer invades their home.

ACL-
Mother stays up worried each night as daughter sneaks out and wears provocative clothing.

ACS-
Twin gangsters ruin the infrastructure of city, burn theater, crash Queen's ball, and defile ancient holy temple.

Love these. :D


AC3: Bartender travels through time to learn how to work a door.

ze_topazio
12-16-2015, 04:11 PM
AC1: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers.

ACAC: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers to find a Woman.

ACBl: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers in Cyprus.

AC2: Promiscuous man tries to kill the Pope.

AC2D: Promiscuous man is wanted by the Spanish Inquisition.

ACB: Promiscuous man tries to kill the Pope and the Captain of the Swiss Guard.

ACR: Italian tourist tries to kill the son the of the President of Turkey.

AC3: Native man helps America killing illegal immigrants.

ACL: Woman tries to kills crazy teacher and evil step mother.

AC4: Blonde Pirate uncovers global surveillance scheme.

ACFC: Black man kills White man for a box.

ACRo: Irish man destroys city, blames Afro-American.

ACU: French man tries to impress Woman.

ACCC: Chinese Woman loses box, wants it back.

ACS: Gangster Twins fight against Capitalism.

Nickyhaswifi
12-16-2015, 04:14 PM
I think some of you have misunderstood the rules of the game. The catch is that those descriptions in the OP are factual but because they're so vague they are misleading. Some of what you have written is subjective/opinion based.

Nickyhaswifi
12-16-2015, 04:16 PM
AC1: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers.

ACAC: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers to find a Woman.

ACBl: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers in Chipre.

AC2: Promiscuous man tries to kill the Pope.

AC2D: Promiscuous man is wanted by the Spanish Inquisition.

ACB: Promiscuous man tries to kill the Pope and the Captain of the Swiss Guard.

ACR: Italian tourist tries to kill the son the of the President of Turkey.

AC3: Native man helps America killing illegal immigrants.

ACL: Woman tries to kills crazy teacher and evil step mother.

AC4: Blonde Pirate uncovers global surveillance scheme.

ACFC: Black man kills White man for a box.

ACRo: Irish man destroys city, blames Afro-American.

ACU: French man tries to impress Woman.

ACCC: Chinese Woman loses box, wants it back.

ACS: Gangster Twins fight against Capitalism.

That's more like it.

ze_topazio
12-16-2015, 04:28 PM
ACBl: Jihadist kills Red Cross workers in Chipre.

Whoops, Chipre is how we say it in Portuguese, Cyprus is the correct name in English, lol



AC2D: Promiscuous man is wanted by the Spanish Inquisition.


Alternate version:

AC2D: Promiscuous man did not expect the Spanish Inquisition.

dimbismp
12-16-2015, 06:24 PM
AC1: Jihadist kills NATO officials
AC2: Young bachelor f**** every woman in Italy.Beats up the Pope too
ACB:Middle-aged bachelor travels to Rome with his crew.Beats up the Pope's son.
ACR:Elderly bachelor still got it
AC3:Dumb native american cannot save his village.
AC4:Welsh pirate lets his pals die to get all the money
ACRo:Bullied Irish joins the enemy gang
ACU:French orphan ignites a revolution so that he can get laid
ACS:Twins idiots destroy London's economy in a night.

Ureh
12-16-2015, 08:14 PM
AC1: arrogant man learns humility
AC2: man runs around italy collecting feathers, hopes they'll help his mom
ACB: rich italian brings prosperity to rome
ACR: senile old geezer meets a bookworm then returns to italy
AC3: boy scarred for life after witnessing mother's death, hunts another man for nearly 3 decades
ACL: woman accused of masquerading as a vigilante with dissociative identity disorder: slave, noble, assassin
ACRo: man makes his own luck (bet you didn't see that one coming)
AC4: man abandons wife, gets drunk and steals gold, returns home a millionaire
ACU: man says he'll let everything burn if it means saving one person

Haven't played ACS.

Assassin_M
12-16-2015, 11:38 PM
AC I: Syrian man goes to pick apples for his grandpa (See, fellas? We can make jokes about Arabs without being unoriginal and saying "Jihad" before everything. Isn't that amazing?)

AC II: Italian man searches for the light of faith by finding the pope.

ACB: Italian man becomes the devil.

ACR: Italian man goes to the book store.

AC III: Mohawk man goes Christmas shopping for his dad.

AC IV: Welsh Pirate finds the the Illuminati.

ACU: French man looks for a wife.

ACRo: Irish man goes through puberty.

ACS: British twins play monopoly.

SixKeys
12-16-2015, 11:51 PM
ACR: Senile old man wanders out of his backyard, ends up in Turkey.

ACS: Displaced sheet leads to panic on the streets of London.

ze_topazio
12-17-2015, 12:14 AM
AC I: Syrian man goes to pick apples for his grandpa (See, fellas? We can make jokes about Arabs without being unoriginal and saying "Jihad" before everything. Isn't that amazing?)

Fair enough.

I-Like-Pie45
12-17-2015, 03:19 AM
AC I: Syrian man goes to pick apples for his grandpa (See, fellas? We can make jokes about Arabs without being unoriginal and saying "Jihad" before everything. Isn't that amazing?)

AC1: guy who did nine but not eleven

cawatrooper9
12-17-2015, 03:06 PM
I think some of you have misunderstood the rules of the game. The catch is that those descriptions in the OP are factual but because they're so vague they are misleading. Some of what you have written is subjective/opinion based.

I'm not really sure there's a wrong way to explain a movie badly, unless you actually explain it well.

Nevertheless, this was fun so I'll give it another go:

AC1-
Young man beats up old man.

AC2-
Young man beats up old man who is the pope.

ACB-
Man helps his sister and mother with their prostitution business.

ACR-
Old man massacres entire underground city.

AC3-
Young man looks for Charles Lee.

ACL-
Woman can't decide what to wear.

AC4-
Pirate has trouble filling Quartermaster position on his ship.

ACRo-
Irishman says he makes his own luck, still ends up being tragically unlucky.

ACU-
Lovers enjoy a romantic balloon ride above Paris with minimal casualties.

ACS-
Man spends a lot of alone time with Prime Minister's wife, but everyone think he's in love with a gangster instead.

VestigialLlama4
12-17-2015, 04:54 PM
AC1
Secular Humanists condemn Christians and Muslims for killing in the name of God while murdering each other in pursuit of magical objects.

AC2--Brotherhood
Revenge is f--king awesome and vital to the promotion and development of the Renaissance, art and philosophy.

Black Flag
Piracy is f--king awesome and vital to the promotion and development of democracy and equal rights.

Syndicate
Gangs are f--king awesome and vital to the replacement of one self-interested secret society in favor of another self-interested secret society.

whatr_those
12-17-2015, 05:07 PM
AC1:
Bartender gets high on his beer tap, entertainers clubbers with wacky fantasies about corporations and educates the bewildered with his unfinished thesis on the Third Crusade.

AC2:
Bartender tries to impress blonde crush by dressing up as Italian James Bond using an accent he picked up from binge-watching low-budget Italian porn set in the Renaissance.

ACR:
Bartender's mentally ill colleague sells him with a pitch on a low-budget B-Movie Indiana Jones rip-off set in Istanbul.

AC3:
Bartender takes Thetan level classes at Scientology and dozes off watching a seminar about how Scientology won the American Revolution and rewrote the Mayan Calendar.

To do post-Desmond games:

Black Flag
Welshman decides to become a pirate rather than find a regular legal paying job like trafficking slaves.

Rogue
Irish rebel betrays his local cell and joins West Britain, all the while doing a dancing jig at a bar talking about he made his own luck by starting an Earthquake.

Unity
Fascist tries in vain to repel the forces of democracy by allying with a military dictator and tries in vain to force a liberated young woman away from her goals and into his pants.

Syndicate
Non-incestuous twins bicker like an old married couple as they work as the goon squad for Queen Victoria and the English conservative party.
You're doing it wrong. Stop trying so hard. Your explanations suck as of now.

VestigialLlama4
12-17-2015, 05:18 PM
You're doing it wrong. Stop trying so hard. Your explanations suck as of now.

Thank you most kindly sir, for your cogent criticisms. Whatever shall I do without you.

SixKeys
12-17-2015, 11:43 PM
AC2: Young man discovers talking alien hologram that tells him he is the planet's only hope. George Lucas prepares lawsuit.

ACU: Two men grow closer during their time together in prison.

Farlander1991
12-17-2015, 11:49 PM
AC Modern Day: A neatly structured meta-narrative from beginning to end where all plot and character arcs are fleshed out to their sensible conclusion and everything makes sense. And it's about a satellite the launch of which can enslave the minds of all mankind, and explores the philosophy and all the implications of doing and not doing that.

Or is this too evil?

RVSage
12-18-2015, 12:02 AM
AC1: Don't blindly follow your master, he will try kill you for that

AC2 : You kill my family, I will kill all your friends except you

ACB: Your son enters my home to kill my remaining family, i will have your son kill you , then kill him

ACR: As I am bored with your family, I am going to ruin a byzantine family, meanwhile learn about a senior mentor's family

ACIII: Son you need to follow me , what I do is perfect, says father, hell No says ,son and kills him

ACIV: I do not care , what any of you do. I need , money, plunder and rum.

ACU: I am madly in love, but sadly who ever I love ends up dead

ACS: We are twins devils, we oppose people being exploited, in the process of killing the men responsible. We ruin things for the people

Derp43
12-18-2015, 06:54 AM
AC IV: Welsh dude plunges the Caribbean into anarchy, takes over military installations and hands them over to drunken pirates.

AC U: Confused man accidentally puts Napoleon into power.

AC R: Irishman gets tired of blowing up Protestant neighborhoods, decides to blow up French forts instead.

AC S: Crazed lunatic starts a gang and nearly ruins London's economy, twin sister has to clean up his mess. Accidentally makes friends with the Prime Minister.

lostboy233
12-18-2015, 10:00 AM
This is a kinda awesome game...

AC1: Man ignores ark of the covenant, prefers apples.

AC2: Serial killer takes Italian roadtrip

ACB: 3 men pick fight over apple. Guards are called.

ACR: Lonely old man disrupts package holiday to Turkey

AC4: Swansea lad goes joyriding, trashes state of the art CCTV system

ACU: On again-off again romance in Paris. In other news, France changes a bit...

ACS: Twins break the bank playing Monopoly, econnomy falters but moustache wax sales remain buoyant.

(Nod to M for the monopoly ref - spot on).

TO_M
12-18-2015, 02:51 PM
AC1: Desperate scientists turn to apple map(s)

GunnerGalactico
12-18-2015, 07:33 PM
AC1- Syrian man f***s a group assignment and must embark on a quest for self redemption.

AC2- Na´ve Italian noble takes up his father's mantle and avenge his family. Ends up getting involved in a conspiracy that does not concern him.

ACB- Na´ve Italian noble returns to stop an evil Spaniard from terrorizing Rome.

ACR - Aged Italian noble travels to Constantinople to seek wisdom. Yet again, ends up getting involved in affairs that doesn't concern him... this time resulting in him destroying an underground city.

AC3 - Young Native American seeks a misguided revenge on people who destroyed his village, then gets heavily involved in the Revolution itself.

AC4 - Welshman seeks to have a better life by getting rich quickly. Gets involved in a cause much greater than himself.

ACU- Frenchman seeks vengeance on evil doers that murdered his adoptive father. Loses his girlfriend in the process.

orionsrise
12-19-2015, 07:05 AM
I gotta try.
AC!: Bartender sells too much blood and hallucinates. Meets nice blonde nurse in the process.
AC2: Bartender moves in with blonde girlfriend and her two roomates. Chaos ensues over heated debate about comfy chair.
ACB; Bartender, girlfriend, and two roomates Upgrade lodgings, more fighting of comfy chair, blond girlfriend loses argument and "Leaves" Heartbroken, Bartender suffers alchoholic coma.
ACR; Father of bartender silences two remaining roomates about comfy chair, exposes son to experimental procedure for coma, WORKS! Bartender son ungrateful.
AC3; Bartender, father, roomates take a camping trip, father yells at son for being a loser bartender, son commits suicide.

LoyalACFan
12-19-2015, 06:05 PM
AC1- man stabs boss in his office after being demoted

AC2- man becomes an influential member of violent Italian gang following the death of his father and brother; flees to Italian countryside after murdering public official; abandons first girlfriend and gets some on the side while on the run; assassinates leaders of several other Italian families; pervasive Catholic undertones throughout

ACB- man helps his crush escape from prison; fails to escape the friendzone

ACR- man embarks on murderous quest to find the world's most overdue library books

AC3- man with stupid shaggy haircut leaves rural community after holographic image of a woman tells him he is her only hope; finds bearded hermit who inducts him into secret society and gives him a special blade; discovers dad is evil; beats dad in sword combat but uncovers the good in him before he dies

AC4- man discovers technology that spies on Americans; uncovers it and goes into hiding overseas

ACU- man feels guilty for allowing his foster parent to be murdered; joins secret society of warriors at the behest of bearded hermit who trained his father; makes out with sister; fights evil caped villain who wields a laser sword

ACRo- man destabilizes foreign nation in search of weapons of mass destruction; blames the fallout on the black guy

ACS- criminal underworld digs its claws into law enforcement, the scientific community, and British politics in the pursuit of a technicolor dreamcoat

whatr_those
12-19-2015, 07:55 PM
AC1: Christians and Muslims kill each other in the name of God and peace.
AC2: Italian playboy leaves behind Florentine poon to slap the Pope around.
ACB: Italian playboy brings about the end of an incestuous family's reign of terror.
ACR: Elderly Italian wreaks havoc across Constantinople in pursuit of his keys.
AC3: Native boy trying to save his people helps a man seeking to destroy his people.
AC4: Drunkard takes his head out of his *** after all of his friends die painful deaths.
ACRO: Irishman levels a city, blames the Black guy, and becomes a tan man's lapdog.
ACU: Prettyboy watches his girlfriend get struck by lightning and becomes an alcoholic.
ACS: Twin siblings improve the quality of life in London by destroying its fundamental infrastructure.

VestigialLlama4
12-19-2015, 08:06 PM
AC2
Ezio Auditore assures his girlfriend "That's my family, it's not me." However, when his father is attacked and his hotheaded elder brother gets himself killed, Ezio assassinates the man who hurt his family and goes into exile to Venice, and slowly oversees the rise of the Auditore crime family into legitimate businesses, as shops, guilds and brothels offer protection money to Don Ezio. Eventually Ezio gets his revenge on the Three Families of Italy and the Auditore reign supreme.

ACB
The Auditore and the Borgia are going to the mattresses.

ACR
"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

Embers
Don Ezio dies in old age as his wife and daughter buy some oranges.

LoyalACFan
12-19-2015, 09:06 PM
Don Ezio dies in old age as his wife and daughter buy some oranges.

Dammit, I should have remembered that for my Godfather one :p

Derp43
12-20-2015, 03:45 AM
AC1: American CIA operative does his best to try and destabilize the Middle East.

AC2: Beef jerky salesman executes Italian man's family, man goes to war against Big Jerky.

AC3: Native American man helps defeat the British for tax purposes.

ze_topazio
12-20-2015, 03:57 AM
All games: Fundamentalist people kill other fundamentalist people.

or

Fundamentalist people fight over who's less wrong.

SpiritOfNevaeh
12-20-2015, 06:38 AM
AC1: Malik and Altair are secretly bosom buddies.

AC2: Ezio sleeps with woman of royalty; father wants him dead; Ezio trains to be an assassin to defend himself.

ACB: Incestuous relationships are in fashion, starting with the Borgias OR Cesare is showing Rodrigo how to eat his fruits - the hard way.

ACR: Yusuf is Ezio's long lost brother and have reunited.

AC3: Native American doesnt like tea, so he dumps it all.

AC3L: Aveline, assassin by day; dominatrix by night.

AC4: Edward falls in love with James Kidd, thus begins The Crying Game 2.

ACRo: "Notice Me Senpai" Simulator between Shay and Haytham.

ACU: Arno and Elise sail off in the hot air balloon, launching them into the inner hemisphere of space.

Senningiri_GR
12-20-2015, 03:12 PM
Assassin's Creed:Mad scientist kidnaps banterer and want's him to tell him about his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-...great grand father who was seeing an old man as nine old men.
Assassin's Creed 2:Trouble maker's family is dead, he kills hundreds of politicians and guards and beats up the Pope.
Assassin's Creed Brotherhood:Pope's son is an angry bastard ans the pope-beater must deal with him and terrorizes Rome to prove Assassin's are peacefull
Assassin's Creed Revelations:The old now trouble maker has no idea what he is doing in the East so he kills a rightful revolution against the most cruel empire ever.
Assassin's Creed 3:Someone whose name starts with "rat" wants to see Charles Lee
Assassin's Creed 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRLzfoySFWc
Assassin's Creed Unity: Arno end up with a dead lover, abandoned by mother and two dead fathers, killing teacher and ruining Paris.

cawatrooper9
12-21-2015, 03:32 PM
I guess I'll give MD a try-

AC1
Mad scientist watches young bartender sleep

AC2
Man learns practical combat skills by laying around all day and playing a video game.

ACB
Worst. First. Date. Ever.

ACR
Man gets bear hug from other guy.


ACIII
The violence at a wrestling match isn't all staged, for once.


ACL
Gaming company releases product, unaware that it's full of bugs (placed there by Erudito).

ACIV
Person watches "Honest Trailers" for product that he's created and hasn't even released yet.

ACRo
Person restarts the servers a couple of times.

ACU
Person follows orders blindly with the illusion of choice, only to find out that all their effort was just a waste of time.

ACS
Person watches safely as other people have a gritty, dark adventure.