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XyZspineZyX
01-29-2004, 07:49 PM
Greetings This is just a bit of:
"Food for Thought"

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."


2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.


3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.


4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.


5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.


6. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.


7. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.


8. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.


9. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

10. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"


11. Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.


12. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.


13. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


14. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," Now I just "chunky dunk."


15. The early bird still has to eat worms. So-what's the advantage??


16. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them...burned toast, scorched vegetables...UGH!

17. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.


18. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?


19. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.


20. My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.


21. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Very good question--sort have our priorities mixed up, do we not????


22. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

XBL Gamertag: RoaringMad Mac
What is best in Life?
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!"

XyZspineZyX
01-29-2004, 07:49 PM
Greetings This is just a bit of:
"Food for Thought"

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."


2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.


3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.


4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.


5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.


6. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.


7. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.


8. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.


9. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

10. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"


11. Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.


12. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.


13. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


14. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," Now I just "chunky dunk."


15. The early bird still has to eat worms. So-what's the advantage??


16. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them...burned toast, scorched vegetables...UGH!

17. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.


18. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?


19. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.


20. My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.


21. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Very good question--sort have our priorities mixed up, do we not????


22. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

XBL Gamertag: RoaringMad Mac
What is best in Life?
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!"

BoomerSSN
01-29-2004, 08:59 PM
LMAO http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

<img src=http://files.redvsblue.com/web/images/viewerfiles/wallpaper/church_1024.jpg height=425 width=275>

XyZspineZyX
01-29-2004, 09:04 PM
I laughed ant these until I had tears

XBL Gamertag: RoaringMad Mac
What is best in Life?
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!"

njcl
01-29-2004, 09:19 PM
lol.....funny kym....... http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://www.freewebs.com/njcl/Untitled.JPG

WinsK
01-29-2004, 09:37 PM
hahha some good lines km http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://home.insightbb.com/~jbullock/WKOTOR.jpg

Alien_Slayer
01-30-2004, 05:53 AM
LMAO http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://www.angelfire.com/pro2/cor/alienslayer3.gif
Splinter Cell Forum Sig Of The Week (First Edition) Award Recipient

bostonion
01-30-2004, 06:28 PM
Those were so funny. I laughed so hard.
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

XyZspineZyX
01-30-2004, 06:44 PM
I'll try to find more......

XBL Gamertag: RoaringMad Mac
What is best in Life?
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!"

<Center>
[img]http://jaygarrett04.250free.com/MC02.jpg[img]

Nebucadnezar
01-30-2004, 06:53 PM
cool ;D

http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Nebucadnezar-scene40sig.jpg
My Star Wars forums. (http://nebucadnezzar.proboards25.com)
Male by birth, Man by choice.

Furious_Gopher
01-30-2004, 06:58 PM
Lol! :veryfunny:

http://xiiiunlimited.250free.com/gophersig.png
http://www3.telus.net/robert/furiousgopher.jpg